Stressful day

Tuesday Jun-15-2010
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Woke up early as usual around 5:am out of bed by 5:20 . Got ready to go about my stuff. Have to complete and fix the bug in my code.
was about to step out when I just got to see the blog by Eva. Was reading it and experiencing her experience when the last part caught my attention.

Some guy was cocky enough to stop her and ask her for sex. India especially seems to be filled up with people like that who think that white women are just there for the fun of having sex and enjoying life. Guess its all the western movies showing the women in every movie as easily meeting and desperately making love. And the Indian movies are all about romancing and maybe one movie showing a lip to lip kiss.

Soon the men tend to think that the white women are just easily available for sex. And Indian women in general are very prude and not that adventures. Unless they are very westernized and behave like sex crazy bitches.

Also the fact that to get a Indian women to have an affair is much more work, compared to a western women.

But that does not mean that someone can just go upto a girl and ask her for sex like she is some kind of person who is a professional sex worker.

Wish that she would be careful. if a desparate person can come and ask her on a busy street, one can imagine what that guy would do if she was hiking or walking alone in a deserted place.

And india is not a place where you can just dial 911 and have the cops come over in a few mins. They don't even bother to come.

Get delayed reading the blog and reach work around 7:05am. get on to the conf bridge and the conf gets over pretty soon.

Latter on when I logged on to iGoogle, saw Eva online. chatted with a few lines. And then she took off.

Was too lost in trying to solve the issue the past few days. Stressed out for lack of any progress. Ask Kriss for help and he has an entirely different approach. Seemed to get angry to even go thru my approach.
So I tell him, okay lets try your approach. And after a few modifications his approach works.
Feel as thou my Ego took a huge beating. But have to accept it.
Ajit comes by and asks me to set up a meeting with the Bangalore office regarding the Siebel CTI work. Gives me a 1800 number to use. So send out a meeting msg to Venu in bangalore and Ajit. for tomrrow wednesday 8am EST.

Around 1:50 pm get out to head home and work from there. But after reaching home I am not able to connect to the Work system.
Try for sometime. then cook some rice and have it with yogurt. 3:30pm back to work After having my breakfast and lunch.

Ajit calls me and suggests to come over to his office in bldg 37. Go over and he seems to have some other idea of handling Moc POP. totally bypassing the Avaya.

Not really sure how that is going to work, seems totally out of my scope of work. But maybe I can get to it. Need to read up on EAI and discuss with other guys who are EAI experts.

Get home around 7pm another 12hrs shift. Really don't feel motivated to do anything even to cook. Coming back to a house of comfort and previlage. Sadly I am missing something that would make my bad feeling day better. Someone who could just hug me and make me feel loved. All the guys have wifes to go back too.

The old lady who came to borrow ice and lives 2 doors away came to return the ice tray. And told me that the two young people who she is living with just married last week.

Wow how different marriages are here. Even the neighbors never get to know. And in India all the neighbors get to know.

Well let me go for a walk and see if it will up lift my mood. Don't feel like going out running or biking.

Get call from Narayan when walking out. Tell him about my feeling frustration and missing having someone special in my life and he said that he called me to introduce me to a Malu girl who is a good friend of his. She is Going to visit him soon and he wants me to take her around New York. I keep trying to find excuses to avoid and he is trying to tell me how good she is and what not.

I am not sure I want to get into a relationship anymore with anyone. Opened up my heart with Eva after a very long time, only to find her drift away. He keeps trying to convince me to meet her and see how it will go. Atleast i get to meet another Malu girl here in US. I told him, now you are sounding like my uncles and parents. hehehe.

Then latter talk with Venkat in California. Again we talk about how my English is becoming more like Indian English and that I am not able to speak that fluently as I used to before. My English language skills are getting affected by been with Indians 12hrs a day.

Still thinking about what Aunt Shaila is going thru. How suddenly it affected her lif e. One day she is so nicely going about living her life taking care of others and suddenly someone has to take care of her.

What is the purpose of my life. So far I have just been going about living and struggling to live on my own. All my friends are married and busy with their own little families and they have something to get back home to. The love of their family to help them forget the stress of their long day at work.

Even this work does not feel satisfying. I rather be out doing the stock market. Atleast I don't have to report to anyone. Just have to be answerable to my own self for the decisions I make , sometimes profitable, most times this year has been good. But the thought of the past few years is very scary. Loosing hunderds of thousands of dollars.

So what is life and its meaning. Money disappears, love betrays. What is it all leading to. Yea yea yea, lots of philosophical words to make you feel better for a few moments,,, meditation, praying, working out,,,,,,,,
and then its back to facing reality of the world and facing the issues and emotions and desires and hopes and wishes and and and and....
Where exactly is it all taking me to.
Hopes of marrying and living with the one I love seems to be lost.

What is the purpose of this life. yea yea eya.. to do good to others and reap the benefits of karma in my next life.... :(
That does not seem to be so good a motivator.