Oct 31 2012, ADHD

Wednesday Oct 31 2012

Psyched up and was able to get up early. Again what a feeling to feel the amount to time at hand even thou it was just around 8:30am when I checked for time felt like I was awake for a lot and had got lot done.

Called up Raj and aji, left voice again. then forwarded the notice mail to amti.
Got a call for opening in Dal. not sure if it will materialize, so far no info regarding the opening in puerto rico.

It feels scary and not able to focus on a few things I wish I could focus and study. More like a heightened case of AD or AD HD

Just gave a search and after reading about the sympotms feel like they were talking about me.

ADHD Symptom	Children with ADHD	Teens with ADHD	Adults with ADHD
Inattention	Children may be easily distracted, have difficulty following instructions or completing schoolwork, and have trouble listening.	Teens may lose things such as homework and schoolwork, make careless mistakes and fail to complete tasks.	Adults may put things off until the last minute, fail to follow through on commitments, have difficulty sustaining attention to reading or paperwork.
Hyperactivity	Children may climb or run excessively and have trouble remaining seated.	Teens may have difficulty engaging in quiet, sedentary activities, fidget with hands or feet and feel restless.	Adults may feel restless and impatient, like they're always "on the go," always need to be busy after work or on vacation.
Impulsivity	Children may find it hard to wait their turn when playing with friends, or may blurt out answers in school.	Teens may be impatient, frequently interrupt or intrude on others to the point of causing difficulties in social and academic settings.	Adults may interrupt others in class or at work, have difficulty waiting one's turn, finish others' sentences during conversations.

So now the question is how do I control this without having to take medication.

Meditation seemed to help, but it sure is slow with again the inablity to focus much. Group meditation did help.

ahhhhhhhhh

Oct 30 Tuesday, Sandys Fart

Tuesday Oct 30

Sitting at home listening to the wild noise been made with the wind blowing got me thinking and comparing it to a continuous Fart from something as big as a huge humongous space ship or maybe better put as Sandys Fart.

Sandy farted and blew out all my sources of communication with the outside world.
Woke up early morning to check the damage, car is still there.
So checked the phone, no signal, cable,, not connecting at all. Damm started feeling a kind of nervousness . What do I do? Don't have TV so do not know whats happening outside of this lil village I am in.
Not able to call up friends or family to get any information.

Had break fast, showered up and went out driving around to see if I could pick up the cell phone signal anywhere near.
Sat at the parking lot of walmart and got the telephone signals and called up home, nar and anl.

But saw that there was neither 3G nor 4G signals.

Again after sometime went around driving and saw that the signals got stronger close to the school. So drove back parked in the school parking lot and checked a few mails. Phew.

Then got back home, around afternoon got cable internet connection,, cheers.. atlast able to check and get to know whats been happening around the world.

Oct 29 2012 Monday, Sexy Sandy's dance

Monday Oct 29 2012

Its now a wait for the performance by Sexy Sandy and her side kicks to show us what its got.
The news seems to be bad with the philly airport closed down and the subways of New york closed.

few more hours for the dance of nature.

Oct 28 2012 Suday, waiting for Sandy

Sunday Oct 28 2012

Was a day of wait and watch with cloudy overcast.
Went to costco, saw that the crowds were lesser on the road and in the shop today than yesterday, when it seemed like every one was on the road and crowding shops and parking lots.

People hoarding up as a precaution of the fall out of the unpredictable out come of natures actions.

Oct 27 2012 Hike out

Saturday Oct 27 2012

around 1pm went out for a 7 mile hike.
then part of the group went to whole foods for beer and after a long time I had burger, Cowboy burger and fries along with it. yummy with the fried onions and bacon.

Oct 26 , end of depressing week and dreaded start of hurricane week

Friday Oct 26 2012

End of depressing week and dreaded start of hurricane week.

CAlled up raj and ajt.. and then send out the mail. But nothing seems to be coming back from them.
Kind of increased dilema and fear as now I got to know that I am on H1B instead of TN which means I need to leave the country as soon as I am laid off.

And next week starts with the huricane virtually coming in from the Atlantic and the news feeds are full of drama about their potential destructive behavior.

Towards evening went to the leasing office and gave the one month notice. ahhhh

Oct 25 2012, Notice

Thursday, Oct 25 2012

As expected got the dreaded Notice of 5 weeks.
Well like everything that you come across face to face, even thou you been thru it before and are expecting it. It fuels the lousy feelings more than its already been experienced when its just all in your mind.
The material impact sure is a fuel as its coming with your other senses getting to experience it and then it comes to hit you with a D-Date.

What exactly is causing me to think of it and dreading it, what is it that I am fearing?

As much as I like to claim, there is a huge part of me thats not willing to do minimum wages jobs. I want to work smarter and contribute to the development of self and my surrounding better with what I believe to be my skills, suited for jobs in the industry. Something that would give me a feeling of self recognization and also gives me enough confidence to hold my head up high and not be belittled by snobs and other ego maniacs. Something that would make the people who I love and who love me, look up with pride and feelings of great  achievement in my actions and been associated to me.

It is ofcouse with pride everyone talks about the ones we are related to when we hear of their accomplishments. And in many a cases do not want to talk about relatives who have not done good to the society at large.

Its just like every human, that I want to be liked by people.
Been liked and loved has it own wonderful feeling.

Kind of reminded of the lil babies and dogs loving me of showing actions of liking me with out even a word been spoken.
ITs like the theory of we all been masses of energy, sending of vibrations and frequencies of goodness or not so good. And then suddenly when we meet people who match our frequency there is the

Oct 24 2012 !!?? sums up start of today

Wednesday, Oct 24 2012

Tried to get up early.
It was nice going for a great walk and run about 3.3 miles in 45 mins after a brief work out yesterday.

Now got to get cracking on updating some of my tech skills and see how I can monetize on that.

FB delight.

Oct 23 2012

Tusday Oct 23 2012

"""A roadblock of sorts will appear in the second half of the month as the Sun moves into Scorpio on October 23. In and of itself, this transit simply represents a change of focus. In this case, however, the Sun is activating the very same traits Saturn is trying to reign in. Adding to this tension, the Sun will butt heads with Saturn on October 25, leaving you feeling a bit downbeat and intensely secretive.""

Got a call for an opening, but they were looking for someone with lots of Manager exp.

Bummer again.

Got another call,,, asking me to be ready to receive the 5 week notice from HR.
 Here we go again, held at ransom of the world and its crazy twists and turns.

Depressing feeling sweeping over me, the weather not helping either with its gloomy over cast of clouds.

A bit scared thinking of the hard time I had in Canada been unemployed and worrying to pay my bills. Hate to go back to India and face up to the red-neck characters who are among the village relatives.

Kind of really feeling sick now, mostly the dread of the unknown, fear of hitting lows and becoming dependent on others. Not the way I would like to live.

Who else to blame, other than self. Reasoning can be so diverse. Could end up blaming myself and feeling bad about the choices I made on the opportunities I must have done different.

But then again in the same way able to reason that, given the circumstances of laziness, lack of motivation, lack of concrete will, I would probably have made the same call.

Oct 22 Monday weekend summary

Monday Oct 22 2012

got the PP. now to get cracking on the immigration related issues.

Towards evening got out and went for the buddhist meditation secession, its been having a good effect on me and just listening to other share their experience in a wonderful way of trust is heart warming.

Went salsa dancing after and was surprised when a gal I had danced with, at brasil, couple of weeks ago on a wonderful cumbai, came over and said that her friend and taken a video of us dancing. Was excited and wanted that video as I wanted to see how I looked dancing a cumbia... So after dancing with her a bit, asked her if she could send it to me and I could give her my email. She said she has it on her facebook and asked me if I had one. I said yes and that we should exchange ids or I could give her my email and she could add me or I could add her if she gave me her id.

A bit latter, I got busy dancing with one of the sweet beginners and when I got back she was gone.. her name was Loraine or Laurine or something like that. She sure is very exotic and beautiful. Seems to have a kind of sensual aura about her with the poise that reminds of princess and royalty.

That was bummer... ahhhh well life sure does bait me and us all in different ways. cheers


Sunday Oct 21 2012

Woke up to a weird sound . Found out that it was the hot air baloon that was floating up above that was having hot air ignited or flared or what ever it is called that they do when they are already in the air.

Then heard some loud speaker comentary and realised that it must be the annual marathon. Went out and saw the last of the runner enter in about 1hr 30 mins latter.. on a 13 kms run. It was inspiring, felt like running.


Saturday Oct 20 2012
Went for the 12 miles hike.. about 20 kms. was not as much exhausted or tired after that, must be the bit of running and walking that I have been doing.
Had gone there with about 5 hrs sleep. had come back from a not so exciting salsa dancing night, went to sleep around 3am or 4 hike was at 11am. woke up around 8 or 9 am.

Oct 19 2012 Friday..Govt people and politics

Friday, Oct 19 2012


Does every nation need to have a common External enemy so that its Hyper energetic population (more brawn than brain) does not end up focusing their energies on the current Government/Rulers !!!???

Makes sense then when rulers elected or otherwise, tend to set up the population to believe that there is a common enemy, External, that is a threat to them. And keep feeding information and build up the Enemy into much bigger Threat than they really are.

Makes it easier, on a lager or wider point of view, that it is in the Internal interest of the Nation/group to have that Common enemy occupy the thoughts of the people rather than the Internal issues plaguing the Nation / group. 

Thoughts on the Internal Issues, which also could lead up to Internal chaos, fights, splits happening with in the Nation/Group based on differing ideology and beliefs.

One of the best examples is that of the multi-cultural, multi-racial (Aryans[european origin majority], Dravidian [aborginals mostly having DNA linked to the first man from Africa], Monglos [about 8 or the 30 states bordering china...]).
How can a Govt hold this group of diverse groups who are proud of their own heritage together?

Having a very common enemy - Pakistan.
Churning out tons of propaganda and keeping the news industry active with stories of fear and insecurity constantly going. On occasional even sponsoring some negative events with collateral damage written off for the greater good of keeping the majority population safer and together.

Oct 18 2012 fixed window shade

Thrusday, Oct 18 2012

Tried to get up early. but ended up getting out of bed only around 8:30am... damm motivation.

Maintence came and fixed the window with a new shade. now I am able to open it smoothly.

Oct 17 2012 Waiting Wednesday

Wednesday Oct 17 2012

Its been a long wait and no sign of the light or end of tunnel.

Set up payments for the month.

Was interesting to watch the debate online yesterday while also baking tilapia. :)

Interesting write up :

Dating is about finding someone who shares similar emotional issues and baggage. If you're a Type A and they're a Type B, things won't work out so well. Instead, richness and profundity are where it's at. Everything will settle when your intentions are versatile.

Guess its all about finding that one person who I think will make my life better and worth waking up each day    "Happily" to become a better person and that person thinks that I will make her life better and is worth waking up each day "Happily"  to become a better person.

went running and before that had a had work out.

Hoping to wake up early tomorrow.

Oct 16 2012...

Tuesday Oct 16 2012

Waking up again with feelings of anger towards a few people who bothered me with their insensitive and selfish comments the time I was at home with parents.

At times I wish I just could have shouted back and them and chased them away for good or even beaten up a couple of them so said uncles (retarded junk heads).

Oct 15 2012, new week of anticipation and activity

Monday, Oct 15 2012

Started off the day in anticipation.

around afternoon finished cooking up the atlantic salmon, kind of not happy with the salmon. Does not seem to release the oily stuff  (assuming that its Omega3) that comes out when cooking the Costco brought fresh farm salmon.
And the frozen Alaskan salmon seems to stink much more. The smell of fish. This was something I had experienced when I had brought the Alaskan salmon from wal mart too.

So is it the Alaskan salmon or is it the fact that its been vacuum packed and sealed for a long time thats causing this smell and not releasing any Omega 3 oil

Was hoping to shower up and head to the meditation ,, and got to see that they cut off the water supply due to some issues with the pipeline at the end of the apartment building.

Well its raining too, just let it go and around 4:30 set off to downtown. reached the meditation place around 6 with all the traffic. (kind of feels better driving in slower traffic than the fast moving crazy traffic around rush hour).

It was interesting sharing thoughts about life and philosophies with others who seemed to be like minded and going thru some of the confusions about life and behavior and reactions and trying to control the mind.

After the secession , went to the Gogh and had a couple of good dances of salsa, not as great as I would have wanted.

Kind of also getting a bit of confused about my career and been at home waiting for a project.... its been a month since I got back and that makes it about 3 months to the day of not having worked professionally.

Oct 14 2012, day of socializing

Sunday, Oct 14 2012

Got up with not much of hurry. kind of relaxing day.

Met NAr friend raj who got back from Uta and will be again relocating to near here.

WEnt to the restaurant stuff selling in bulk place and got a pack of Atlantic Salmon and thilapia..
It costed about 87 that I need to pay up to Nar.

Latter went to the ewr airport to pick up raj.

Towards evening nar sis and fam arrive, got out around 8:15 and reached home around 9:30. now to relax and start cooking the salmon curry tomorrow.

Oct 13 Saturday off to NJ

Saturday, Oct 13 2012

Call home, still frustrated with mom exerting herself much and stressing over stuff she should not. Not sure how better to handle it other than ignore it and let her do what she wants. There is so much I can do and tell someone about it.

After much of debate and preparation head off to NJ to the Temple, it was kind of re-kindling the feelings in the heart and feelings of vibrations.
The preparation was about the possibility of me feeling like staying over at Nars house. just in case scenario

Then got the bit of food for nar's home and tried calling him up 3:45. did not pick up the phone.
So went back into the temple canteen and got more food for the week.

Was returning when got call from Anl... and was driving back when nar calls after 4.. then make a u turn and get back.

It was a sweet experience watching his new baby girl have the toothless smile and giggling. sweet... and was great to have the sambar at their house.

Watched a couple of movies,, one was Proposal.... again my mind was saying, if it is ment to be, u will know it and things will just happen.
I thought that I had someone like that a sometime back. Then things started going south , the more I got to know and see some traits in that person, turned out to be an entirely different personalty lurking under the what I thought was a calm, reasoning and understanding person.

Well guess it was not the right time or person.

Oct 12 2012

Friday Oct 12 2012  ... 10 12 2012

hmmm still thinking of the sweetheart of a gal I got see at prx. she seems to have such a heart warming smile and a sweet pure personality. well all these by only the physical appearance  do not know how she really is. Would she be one with a volcano of anger hidden under her outward appearance?

but either way, it was  is a pleasent feeling seeing her and thinking about her.

Oct 11 2012, salsa :)

Thursday, Oct 11 2012

Ended up going for salsa and the surprise factor of seeing the sweetheart of a gal at pax ,,, it was great to see and watch her dance. Just did not like the guy trying to pick her up.

Towards the end had a few great danceses and WOWed the gals I danced with, resulting in a few others jumping on to me and trying to get a dance full of me...

Its flattering to have that kind of effect. Feel like a rock star. But a shy rock star. ;)

Oct 10 As Birth Day

Wednesday Oct 10 2012

Its A's birthday, sent out a mail wishing happiness.

Felt kind of uncomfortable and had lots of weird thoughts and images coming in yesterday and did not seem to have a good sleep.

Waiting out for the info about the resume sent for the new direction of my career . A bit unsure and wondering what to expect.

Its been a gloomy Vancouver like weather here. hopefully will brighten up soon with sunshine.

wondering should I go to Nar house for the weekend and spend time with his kids and take it easy.

Oct 09 2012, no mans land

Tuesday, Oct 09 2012

Again finding myself , wel-fed, rested, entertained and in no particular hurry to reach or go anywhere.
Directionless, or at peace or at a uncertain phase .

No objective other than the hope of getting on to a project and work on been productive and contributing to the betterment of society.

Had got dressed and all ready to go meditating and salsa dancing. But about 4 miles into the drive and seeing the clutter of traffic and the drizzle in COLD weather acted as a catalyst to make me turn around.
Went to Wal mrt and brought couple of warm shirts , lime and a box of cut fruit box meldy.

Was going thru facebook of a Friends Friend and noticed that the person had gone down the west coast in sep 2009, around the same time I had gone. Its funny to see all these people end up coming back and getting married. Looks like mine was the only trip that was ended up screwed.
Well now as I look back, I was just the driver for a self centered princess, who expected me to be her servant and handy man. Atleast I got to know sooner. :)

Good learning exp on understanding and studying human selfishness.

Oct 08 2012 Monday, start of new week

Monday, Oct 08 2012

start of new week

Oct 07 2012 , Lazy sunday

Sunday, Oct 07 2012


Salsa night out on Friday, 4hrs sleep and then on Saturday followed by 10 hrs intense (for me) hiking and 12hrs of sleep :)))) ,,, Good morning to Lazy Sundays :)

Had some very awakening conversation with Nar regarding family, behavior, self awareness and improving self.

Was around 3 pm when I got out and went to cost co. 

Wow was really tired after the hike around green lane resv. 

Watched the Broncos play the Pats. interesting game.

Oct 05 2012 Some good news

Friday Oct 05 2012

Some good news with the call from bos, felt a ray of hope after that. The hopeless feeling was crushing me and my positivity.

So sent out the resume..

then got call from nar and had a uplifting conversation with him.

was thinking about my inclination to speculate, seems to be in my DNA, going by the profession of my Grand dad.

Should that be the one that I should be taking up, seems to be well suited except that my speculation is getting over ridden by greedy hopes and screwing up my covering time or selling timing.

Again seem to add to the theory of natural gratification and attraction to speculative professions.

So now the question for today, should I go out to downtown for dancing? have not been there for more than five months,, still thinking of the great time I had last time I went there on the weekend. That was too great a day.

Oct 04 2012 Life mates

Thursday Oct 4


hmm nothing much happening.. except trying to wake up from listening to the US pres debate yesterday. Romney seems to be on the attack on a sleep and trired looking Obama. Something I was afraid that would happen.
If that continues,, gone is Obama and in comes Rom.

gloomy weather outside. stuck watching cnbc and the stock market. nothing much happening there either other than that I lost most of my earning again over all.

lousy sick feeling. awww well life. wonder whats the meaning of all this and what is it going to lead to.

like all I want to have a loving family that I can provide for and take care of. But with not much hope in careeer and earning to look forward to, it looks like a hopeless situation. Don't even feel like going out and looking for a mate. Rather filled with self doubt and end up building blocks and chasing potential mates away.

The salsa music at pax was just great today, but sad1y not many to dance, ended up dancing with a couple. It felt good and in fact felt great. Wish they could get the same DJ again.

Oct 03 2012 Washing day

Wednesday, Oct 03 2012

Day of washing, woke up trying to motivate my self into looking forward to a beautiful day and waking up with a smile, even thou the mind was drifting towards all the other issues and problems thats happening in the family, with parents and my own personal job front.

its about afternoon now and so far seems to be ok. 
just got the washed cloths into the dryer and tried using SIRI to set up a reminder..
Created Reminders using SIRI,,, "Dry Cloths" - reminder created --> "Break notes" ;)

hehahaha... thats funny

debating to call raj and bos to check on the job status,, but had called up yesterday and left msgs....

This time around I seem to be taking the issue lightly, some kind of intution about it. But not been able to put my finger on it. Not even sure if its positive or negative.

And not able to motivate myself into focusing on studying a particular subject that I could try to navigate my career on.

So much confusion regarding the future of technology and with my current skills that seems to be going out of market....ahhhhh frustration.

got to see whats in store for the presidential debate of US today.

Oct 02 2012 Tuesday, New month

Tuesday, Oct 02 2012,

Rainy day. but still feeling bouyant. trying not to think of things happening back with parents there. Who seem to be living in the world of kings and zamindars. Dad still has not learnt to talk with people past the time  his dad used to have lots of servants and treated them with not much respect.

Respect for other human beings and creatures is the core for every human being. Taking people for granted was the norm of the time, duing the days of kings and land lords, who just thrived on the fear and slavery and never really did any real work.

3pm Called up raj and bos regarding job opening,, ended up leaving voice msg for both.

cooked salmon curry atlast for the first time (maybe) this year. yummyyyy

Monday Oct  1  2012

Early morning got a Fedex.. turns out that my pass sent out for renewal to the canadian office came back because they noticed a shadow behind my head in the photo.

dang,,, another $hundred down the drain to resend.

Atleast the walgreens was very customer friendly and did not charge me for the photo taken again. Even thou I wanted to pay for it as a matter of taking accountability for my failure to have raised the issue at that time and letting it slide thru.
It was totally my fault. So I should pay for it..

Accountability, accountability, accountability,,,,, that is what I need to face, accept and pay for, for my thoughts, choices, actions and reactions :)))))


Well atleast ended up sending the package again to canada thru fedex.. funny , that thou the weight was the same,, fedex charged me a few cents more thiis time. wonder whats their criteria for fee calculations?


Sunday Sep 30 2012

Went out hiking with the group after such a long time. It was nice to see Den again... she is remarkably sweet. Felt like there was some kind of under current going on between us, eyes meeting, darting, smiliing on the sly, trying to joke about something trival,,,, but not happening smoothy, with the strange tension of shyness on both sides.

Felt like huggin her.

Was impressed how she was brave enough to chase the snake away, while I ran the opposite direction. seems she had a snake for pet. wow , effects of having hippy parents. But more than that was her impressive phd.