Phenomenal connection

Thurs_day, May 27, 2010
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Got up around 6: and went thru the motions of early morning process.

Decided to send a mail to Eva asking for reconcillation and hope to get back and try as a couple by living together.

Saw her blog, even she was feeling the same 2am her time was 4pm my time. She was feeling it across the ocean and world. the bad vibrations i was going thru.
somethings are unexplained and it is a sign of our connection and a symbol that thou we are far apart we are still connected and part of one body and soul.

Not sure what her mail will be, will she take time to think and process or will she just behave like an arrogant child and shoot it down, feeling the power. As i am the person who is letting my ego to one side and crawling on my knees to make our love bloosom into a wonderful flower of life.

It would be really a very sad day for me if she just rejects it coldly. IT would be very very hurtful to see all the emotion and dreams crushed for so many people, including our parents.

about 8:12 am now on the East coast , time to head off to work. And its a full moon day. Hope that there is a huge change in the stars for us in a positive direction.

Goto work around 9am. tough to find parking again parked at the 6th floor.
Got msg from Rao about he issue with the drivers license. Even he seems to be having problem with it. But of a different type than mine.

Saw her email reply on iPhone. not able to be sure what her state of mind is. Is she in denial of the connection. To me it is so evident, even at the start of our relationship.

And she seems to say that she feels like that on full moon. But the full moon is today in India not yesterday. I know she behaves moody on full moon days. And her friend also feeling bad. Well that could be another thing which only her friend knows better.

Sent her a reply from the iPhone not sure if it went thru.


To me it was just a question of waiting for time, for the bad phase of clouds to pass away and move into strength with the sunlight.
And there is no personal internet at work as they blocked it with fire wall.
:(

I really wish we could just talk things out like we always did and work it out like mature people and like every other couple who have issues with their relationship.

I still don't understand how she is accusing me of behaving bad by talking with Amit. If I wanted to do something bad, I would be doing something else and not talking with Amit, but doing bad to him too. But that is the opposite I was doing and did. How could she so mis understand me.

Yes i was feeling jealous that it is others there showing her the magic of India and not me. It was my dream and wish to be the one to be exploring the world of India with her as a life partner and also to explore Europe and the world.

there is always a motive behind any action, and that’s why in the legal system they have to establish motive before proving someone is guilty.

If that was my motive, Amit would not be the person I would have contacted to make her life horrible. Just one phone call from me would do that.

========== The mail I wanted to send her.............

I contacted Amit with the motive of seeing if there is a potential for our relationship to work out. And told him what my thoughts were and the things that happened And my opinion bout certain things and my stand on certain things. I specifically asked him to patiently listen to your side of the story when he was going to visit you the next week.
What he did after that surprised me. And I thought that he would and he also indicated that he would listen to your side of the detailed story and then try to find areas for correction.

But I think he out did himself and got emotionally carried away and directly asked you about your intentions. And the next day, he sent me a mail saying she must not have slept well. And even thou he screwed it up, he said he will also help correct it

"Don’t worry about the damage it has caused to your relationship with her. I will do the mending myself. I am pretty good at it and I back myself tremendously when it comes to healing up relationships"

That is his exact wording in the mail he send to me the next day. What happened after that level of connection between me and him I am not sure. As he stopped communicating too.

And I was even open to you both becoming a couple and imagining you been happy with someone who can fully take care of you and provide for you as a family. Do you think I would do that if I was feeling so possessive about you at that time and wanted revenge?. I would just have made a call made sure he would not. But I am not like that. And don't want to be like that or use things like that. That is the easy and despotic way of Hitler and Saddam.

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12:35 now had sent out an email to her to send her resume to me for possibly applying in Cognizant.

Going home to have food and make a second attempt if I can get the 2nd page of the letter from Social security.

Got the 2nd page of letter from Social security. Such a dis organised mess this name of mine is causing.

Get back to work by 4pm then 4:30 go for the meeting where there is no one.
need to get out at 6:30 for kannans sons birth day.

Got msg from kanana to help him pick up Indian food from Sultan restaurant. so off I go for the full moon night of partying and its Gautam Buddhas 2554th birth day too. Buddha purnima

7pm went to Sultan Restaurant and met with satwant the manager. Who is turning out to be a good friend of mine. As his parents are coming to Vancouver to his brothers house. And he is going there next week or the week after.

Anyway tell him about Kannan`s party order and then he tells me that he had told Kannan that its all cash deal. So I had to put back the credit card and luckily had $40 on me as the balance to pay. Have a good chat with Mr Satwant who wifes family owns the Restaurant. The foof here tastes much better than most of the Indian restaurants in Vancouver.

Around 7:30pm reach Kannans house and a few of the guys chip into help me unload all the food for about 30 people.

Well only about 6 guys among the 12 guys drink, so I became the official in charge of the drinks. It was the Johnny walker whisky that is so standard for all the Indian guys. And thou they had couple of bottles of Wine for the ladies, no one ventured to have it.

So very Indian, I am sure if Eva would have been here, she would have started it for all the ladies to have wine and lectured them about how great it is and tried to convert atleast a few.

But I was the only single guy and just only three other guys did not have kids. Felt odd to be among Indians who I work with for the frist time outside of India. And my first Indian kids birthday party outside of India, always heard stories about it and their social circle of Indian womens.

There was the typical cake cutting lots of pics been taken and as usual lots of food eaten.

At the end of the party the host gave each a gift in return. I had taken a gift of a automatic train that moves on rails for 3 year olds.

let me go check what gift I got back in return.
My gift is a drink flask and couple of chocolate bars and M& M packet. All given to be in a gift bag. Wow had I known this, I would have gotten a costlier gift. Now I feel I got back more than I gave and that makes me feel guilty.

Its about 11 pm and I am really buzzed with the 3 rounds of scotch whisky I had and thinking of the one and only Eva and how she would be feeling and imagining the look on her face. As she will be looking on and wondering how different these people live and how different she lives.
My sympathies will be with her as I think the same about all these parties by Indians in US trying to be more Indian in an American way.<<<<

Some of the kids there seemed so smart and so filled with potential. If the continue to live in US they will surely make a huge impact in the field they choose to be.

Well to be expected when hereditary wise they are the kids of some of the best brains in the world. Wonder how my kids will be.