Hangover from yesterday night

Friday, May 28, 2010
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up early and attended the conf call at 7am.
Day to pay off the bills.

Got mail from Eva. I understand her dilema and not able to see what my point is.
But I still feel that I don`t want to regret latter in life that I did not try as much as possible. I really wish she would be able to look at things in a an un biased way and see the full picture and not be blinded by prejudiced ideas and opinions. I really do love her and think that there is some kind of phenomenal connection between us. Something remarkable that no one else can have.

And wish that she can come and stay with me in kerala to experience a whole different world so different from her life in Gujarat.

If she just goes on a trip to kerala like a tourist, she will surely miss out of all the deeper experience that I so very much want to share with her.

off to work and hope to make a call to her soon.

At work , looks like all the guys are still at home recovering from yesterday nights party. Indian or Indians from the north are not that strong at drinking I guess. Its a whole different for the Malus drinking. And especially for people from my community. :)

Saw the mail from Eva about not wanting to go to US. Did she get the Green Card lottery? and now she does not want to go.
Hope that she is just not been Egoistic or
Hope that she is just not behaving like a person not able to think properly and hope she does not behave and think like a person not bothered about her future.

Its great to experience India, but hope she does not screw up her life chasing a illusion and getting carried away by the excitment of the sudden cultural experience and been treated like a queeen by people who are more impressed by the color of her skin than the depth of her personalty.

Atleast I am doing my best to try to put my EGO to the side, looking at the larger pic and reconcile and make amends and wanting sincerly to try and become partners again.

Lots of things have happened. some very hurting, more because of the way we both thought and felt about things. And all the stress of our life and its uncertainities.

There is nothing that can reverse that, but we can easily work at taking it as a great learning experience and making the future better. And I am sure with improved conditions and maturity we could easily work it out and make our life like lovely spring time again.

Guys here are talking about all kinds of trips to Niagra and other places for the long weekend. hmm already saw all the places about 7 to 8 years ago. no longer hold the thrill.

12 go home and try to call her. which is around 10 pm her time. But the she does not pic up. Get a retrun missed call with a single ring when in wash room. get back and make the call, she says she cannot hear. And there was lot of noise where ever she was. I could clearly hear her.
Tell her will call latter, not sure she heard me.
Send her a message saying will try to call her latter in the week end, she still has that sweet motherly, okaayyy, okaaaayy , hehehe. How can I not fall in love with her forever.
Had to return back to work.

Met Mat sitting outside and smoking, he seemed to have issues with a system failing and producing multiple, confirmation responses emails.

Got call from Narayan wanting to go to Pittsburg with the family to the Ventateshwara Temple there.
Was trying to book the hotel via internet and was only getting smoking rooms. Not sure if I want to be in one that smells. The last hotel stay with Eva in Seattle was in a smoke stinking room.

Paid the Canadian dues for the Credit Cards. And the Phone bill for ATandT.

Viki comes in around 7 pm and i take the wheels of the care and drive like crazy to reach by 8:30 to narayans house. wow felt like I was a nass car driver, was thinking of Miraslov and his accident, kind of feel I don`t care about anything any more and hope its nor sucidal because of my frustartion of my own. And feel as thou my life is not worth anything because Eva is not in my life.... how could I fall so deeply and blindly in love with someone ...