Peacful Sunday

Sun, May 16, 2010
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Woke up around 6:45 at N's house. Then went out with him, as he went into the gym I decided to walk around the New Jersey neighborhood and check out the creeks and natural paths. Felt nice and again was reminded about Eva and how nice it would have been if she would have been here. She would have loved this walk and its nature. The water in the streams was so clear.

CAlled up home and talked with Parents and aunts who were visiting.

Was again thinking about Fridays talk with Ajit and telling him that I am no longer interested in moving to India as my primary intention and objective to go and be able to live there with Eva for sometime and more so to marry her, got derailed and she is no longer even in contact with me on FAcebook.

Just wished that we could have worked it out. But with the way her attitude is more about cutting off communication. That was an approach she always adopted even at the begining of our relationship and that frustrated me a lot and confused me a lot too. Wish she had more courage to face situations when they are uncomfortable. Especially when we were in a relationship and wish she had more sense of commitment and desire to work at making it happen. Even I felt like giving up and running away so many times. But always tried to talk it and attempt to work it as best possible.

Wished that she could have been here after her july/August trip to India and we could go out on the East Coast of US this time with the National Park pass.
Will it ever happen? Will we be able to learn and grow from the past experiences and mature as human beings?

Was telling Narayan how I was feeling a bit off and not enjoying seeing so many indians(fat and financially well off indians) here in New Jersey and at work in PA. In Vancouver it was an over load of Asian looking people.
And he said, maybe I am suffering from an identity crisis. Thats true, it was not something that started recently. Was having that from early as I grew up in different regions of India that was totally different from my own ancestral. But still love Malu related gatherings and wish I could have gone to the Theater which shows only malu movies in New York State. Used to go to that place every weekend 10 years ago along with Balaji.

12:30pm party at Narayans house, 3 families of his colleauges come by with their wifes and kids. 2 of the families are from Ahmadabad..... ahhh why am I reminded of Ahmadabad again. Why is there so many coincidence again and again, just reminding me of Eva.
When she seems to be in love with someone else or is happy with someone else. Or is it just my own fear that she is in love with the wrong person? well she blocked me on FB so she surely does not want me to see somethings there, maybe she wants to change her status or relationship or put pics and does not want me to see it..... ahhhh so many things. But I wonder, why could she not go for a nice guy like Amit or Bobber ,,,
why some sleezy, rich guy living of his parents money.?

Just hoping and praying that she does not get hurt or get used by those bums there.