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Mon, May 3, 2010
8am Movers coming.
Chat with eva again after seeing her blog about the farm party. Was suddenly reminded of the night mare I had a few days ago. Mail I wanted to send but did not as she does not seem to want to communicate :
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There was another reason why I called.
a few days ago, I had a vision/ dream or what ever you call it... it was bad.
It was about you wearing the chocolate brown pants (that u seem to be wearing and then something green on the top mixed with a brown... and u were also having the light yellowish bag (that u use for going to work in india)....
u are attending a party, lots of guys, drinking and everything.. many of them seem to know you and you them,, friends aquaintance.. you already have a reputation about the kissing thing in Czech and drinking.... and after sometime some of the guys decide to fix your drink... with something called the date rape drug (very commonly available in india and used by many indian guys in the clubs of mumbai that i know). Then after some time one of the guys takes you to the room as the effects of the drug seem to take over and you are behaving desperate and horny... he takes you to the room and do things to you, get you naked and has sex with you ... and after that all his friends all join in one after another, and they take pics of you in the act... then I woke up sweating.
It sounds crazy.... just one bad night mare. But thought that I would share it with you to be careful with the crazy unpredictable guys there.
This kind of incident happened in one of my office parties when I was working in mumbai. But the gal was born and brought up in Mumbai and was too smart, and she does not drink. So those guys I knew were not successful with her.
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Don't know why I am bothering with this, when she does not seem to care about my words or does not seem to be interested in been friends with me either..... I just don't want to have any resentment towards her or anyone. The more I am trying to try, the more she is acting like some power drunk person and acting all ego entric. But again I do care about her for some nice things that she has and the unexplained feeling of love I feel for her and her well begin.
And don't want to end up regretting latter if something happens to her. That I had the opportunity to warn her Naive personalty and did not.
But if she continous in this hate filled way of behavior towards me,, I think even I will soon develop a wall and stop caring about her.
Wonder how she keeps moving from one person to another,, just 55 days ago when I wished her all the best and that its too much of logistic involved to plan a trip to india and go to kerala with her. As she might be with some other guy by then. She was saying, how can I fall for another guy when I have been thru so much suffering with me.....
And as i see it, she fell in love and proposed to Amit all slobering him and scaring him in the first 30 days and now replaced him with Rishit..... wow strange are the working of some peoples brain. Or is it just their short term way of always looking at relationships.. would that explain why she did not or was not able to have any relationship that lasts more than a month?????... well I did try to warn her about Igor...
And when I see the pics of Rishit, his expression remind me of Igors when he is about to pounce on a new victim. And her expressions are the same as she had when she was going behind igor.. with her "mastero, mastero...."... Well for some people history repeats..... the cycle of karma continues, untill such time that they learn from their actions and its results...
Atleast I am not able to consider anyone and don't feel like considering anyone. That maybe because I am in love and she is able to do it cause she was never in love,, or just pretended to be in love or did not know what really love is.
Well atleast I was and still am sincere and honest and continue to be so.
Thou there have been opportunities and lots of windows seem to open around me. Especially with the Call center building that I am located in and with all the beautiful blonds floating around..... thou my heart like any man would love to jump into the sack with them,,, my hearts sincerity and love for someone who does not seem care about me at all,,, does not allow me too. Strange paradox or true sincere love.
Or is it that she is addicted to kissing. There are many who are addicted to sex and it drives them crazy if they don't have sex. She I guess is a person with an addiciton to kissing and wanting to be kissed...... a thought that was there before but just put in writing...
The saddest part of all this is, that she got caught and cornered in her web of lies and instead of showing any regret or remorse or feeling sorry, she truned it around and made it my fault. Well some people are really good at fooling themselves and really believing that others are at fault even after getting caught red handed. What causes this, no idea.
But had she had some kind of remorse or felt sorry for lying so blantedly, I would have been just happy for her and would have loved to get back with her. But she decided to go with counter accusation and make me look like the bad guy here and accuse me of creating imaginary stories and sending emails to my friend complaining to him about me been the villan... how sorry a state of mind that she must have been.
Maybe its all the sudden change in location, cultural shock and her master plan and desire to be with Amit backfiring, scared her to make up her own stories and then accuse me of creating stories.... what ever. But I just hope that she realises that I do not intend any harm to her.... Harm is the easiest and cheapest thing I could have done to her. But that is not me.
But looking at the way things are going and even after I swallow my own ego and approach her to make things better and ease of the tensions and let her know that I forgive her for the games she played (was surprised when she labeled that I was playing a bad game,,,,, shocked that she thought of all this as a game)... and only want to forgive and but the bad past behind. Does not seem to be getting across. Well atleast I am guilt free and sleeping with a clear conscious.
now off to Canada revenue and then latter to Muhus house for a party...
The movers came in around 7:45am and were gone by 9am.. that was fast.. now to coordinate the car drop off.
had Chicken biriyani for the last time in Van,, hmmm will miss Al-watans friday special biriyani....
Delma calls around 2 pm and we plan on meeting up and going for a movie...
Got to know that Delma, so pretty, zero make up, looks like the ideal beautiful malu gal. is a computer science graduate and also studied law.... wooow talk about high qualification and under used talent..... How come I did not meet her before... whyyyy.. she and me could have made such a wonderful pair.... she is so beautiful and down to earth and so religious too... Why do I end up meeting people who take me for granted and the good ones always turn up when I have no scope of pursing. As I am moving away...
Well it was nice meeting her and getting to know her. Will have to surely help her in anyway possible. Even if its from Philly. Thats one lady who could really use my caring help and be grateful to me eternally and not stab me in the back like the others, who do not even seem to appreciate the blind love I am and caring them for... Talk about mis-placed affections...
anyways we watch the movie. then go for bubble tea and I drop her off at her new house besides ,,,Polish hall. And it is so easy for her to go out Salsa dancing every friday.
around 7 pm got to meet Jennifer the new manager of Dunblane and she turns out to be a Archelogist for and specialization in First nation... wow, that was nice to meet two ladies who are very highly educated and smart.. but doing min wages work for survival... so sad but I hope and pray that persistence with guide them to higher levels of achievements in life.
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