June-01-2010
Woke up late, after a late night of free salsa. Only a few girls were were there. Maybe they are all out for the long weekend. Most of the other girls were beginners and did not seem to know much about following.
checked mail to find eva had a more pleasent mail. Ended up exchanging a few mails with her. And in the process also realising one other factor for our frustarations was our lack of our acknowledging that nature and the universe is very much powerful and we are just puppets.
This lack of control to achieve our dreams and desires led to a lot of undercurrent behavior. And soon one thing led to another and instead of becoming an expression love and exploration of our love, we ended up making each others life miserable as possible.
what ever the subsequent actions led to, is all the pain and torture we had to go thru. And that of our parents.
Even thou I was very much in favour of working it out, her sudden break ups and flare of anger made it even more hurtful.
Her life I guess offered her a series of temptations. And it was just a matter of time before she succumbed to one of them. Not really realising that it was just an temporary out let she got. I still think that she is making a huge mistake with rishit. He is younger than her and just another rich kid who never really experienced the down side of life. Or just another player who got lucky with her.
If only she would have hooked up with Amit, who probably would have been a better match.
Or did she in all the confusion of the cultural shock, The severe heat. Just loose control of her strong character that I admired and succumed to the temptations and became a "bad" girl as she put it. and now her guilty consicious is troubling her everytime I remind her of the sincere and pure hearted person filled with naievity that she was. And that guilty consicious is making her more and more angry at me.
Even I was tempted in a few instances, but I guess I had a little more of circumstance and presence of mind to not let it slip more and was able to stop myself and stay focused because of my love for her.
Even thou the urge to just go and have physical connection with who ever I was connecting on a emotional level was over-whelming. I am glad that I did not fall for those short term rebound relationships.
It does not matter who did what, or who went in a direction that was good or bad. What ever it is and was required for us to find our true self.
what ever, it is, I still wish we could get back together as a couple and try to work it out between us. There is nothing we cannot talk with an open mind and not work out. Life is full of all kinds of stuff, but it is for us to decide on falling for the short term temptations or not. That defines our character and forms the foundations for our children to grow and build on. What kind of a role model would we be if we ourselfs are just character less and going around from one relationship to another like dogs.
It does not matter, what now. I just wish we can atleast be good friends and be able to communicate as two good individuals who I am very sure are very wonderful and have good basic foundations. And if again the same circumstances that brought us together thinks its time for us to become a couple we will, if not, circumstance and universe will take us in our own world of what ever it is that we are destined to be.
Got to work late around 9:30am and no one seems to care. I am not sure about this kind of easy life. I am used to been busy and working to make things happen.
the stock market seems to be doing its own, with the world economy and the oil spill in the south east of US. Natural and man made calamities that is destroying parts of the world.
Now its about 12:35 pm, need to go to the post office and buy stamps and send out the already late Utility bill and send the check that I got for speeding.
Got stamps from the post office and pôsted the letter.
Got home and the room temp is like 84 deg F. That is just about 29 deg C and it feels so hot. Oh god thanks for saving me from the Indian heat of 40 deg C plus.
Heated up the tamarind rice from the temple and then ate the bannana I got as prasadam from the temple.
1:35 making the next entry.
Also remembered that I forgot my iPhone at home. got it .... and then had a loodo or ladu again from the temple. That is the desert ,, yumm. :)
Was thinking about Evas facebook getting blocked in her company, is that some kind of message to her from nature and the universe, after she blocked me off and preventing me from seeing whats on her facebook and communicating with her. That was really a cold move on her part.
2:30pm meeting for R19. boring with one girl who is client side Business person. I was hoping to sleep and she was trying to talk to me and get my attention and I felt cornered. Had to humor her.
Then got txt msg from Sara B about her bad day, and that one of the customers complained about her and the managers made her cry. Now she is planning on giving a case against the managers. Poor girl seem to be getting all the bad end of the life. Hope her bad times will soon disappear and good times will be back in her life. If only I was in Vancouver, I could have provided her with some kind of emotional support. Across the land and time zone it feels so hopeless.
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