Friday, SALSA night

FRIDAY June-04-2010
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After the run yesterday night it was a great sleep. Woke up early did some light work out. Feel energised.
Got to work early. And attended the call with Calcutta at 7am. And i got the parking very close to the Gate and door of Building 39. Thou I got delayed by the train passing. Tomorrow need to try to get out of the house before 6:45am.

Was thinking about Ajits words about relationship from yesterday evenings conversation. Well what can I say. IF only her serene royal highness EVA was open to it, I could try to work it out. But now with the way communication is cut off and not knowing what is really happening to her or what she is really feeling and thinking. I am helpless.
If only she would give me some indication of wanting to try. I would just be so happy to get her back with me and work it out like a strong Indian marriage.
Not really sure How she says we are not a good team. When it was she who was behaving in the selfish way of not caring for anything but her own needs and that was causing major issues. As a team it was just a question of time and realization that we could have learnt from each other.

While I was been the most adjusting person in the whole world. All the guys said, she is not ment for you, you can get a better person who will treat you with more respect and value.
Even advise me against going on the long trip with somone I have no more than 6 months of history with. But i adjusted and accepted her words and wishes to see how that would go. Gave up a great part of my career and income doing that. And at a time when I hardly had any worthy savings.

And the next few months I was trying like crazy to not spend, eat less and many things like that to avoid becoming homeless. Lucky that the market picked up in Feb March as expected or I would have become a homeless guy or would have had to take up some minimum wages job again. All because I choose to spend time with my love in US over trying for the jobs during Sep. That was so un-practicle of me.

It feels sick to be giving up after so much of troubles. Especially when it was so close to me getting a good and steady job and more sense of security to give her the world.

Hope that she soon has some kind of change of mind and thinking and will get back to me or make some effort to contact me.

Well Friday night, I think I will just take Chakris advice and go out dancing and hunting. So far the girls in Philly salsa scene seem to be having a much more better attitude than the snobbish ones in Vancouver.
I have seen good dancers dancing with beginner guys and it felt so different from the attitude and expression from the Vancouver crowd.
Lets see so far I was been reserved and did not want anyone to take Evas spot in my heart. I guess I have to loosen up and be open to nature and the possibilities. One of the girls maybe just the right one. Just like Chakri and Ajit said yesterday.. Have to take risk. Just have to stop feeling guilty and loyal to Eva.
Maybe just make friends and see how that goes. Tonite OUT SALSA.

Afternoon head back home and try to connect to work remotly and call up help desk as I was not able to access the pin.

Spend about 1 hr for that on the skype with call center person at mexico city. Then because of the bad connection on skype he called me on my cell phone. Resolved the issue.
Tried getting into ipay was not able to.

saw the motivating words on evas salvador blog. good one.

If only she ....

3:pm get back to office. nothing much to do other than browse. And now filled with a sense of uncertainity.

4:40pm feeling sleepy and tired from yesterday nights run for 3 kms. It was a wel phased run.

Around 6:pm it was kind of lazy time and everyone was just chatting and making plans for the weekend get away with their family. Except me who was only thinking about salsa and joining a Group hiking to some wonderful garden. So far there seem to be more ladies than men in that hiking group. Lets see if I can convert any of them around to Salsa dancers.

6:30 Rajshekar wanted a ride to the liquor store close to my house, take him there and then invite him over to my place. Fix a Cosmopolitan. Vodka and canberry juice for him. His first Cosmopolitan. Talk for some time, he tells me how he met and married his wife, who has a masters in Electrical Engineering and is Teacher in a Government College near to Hyderabad. And she is on a extended leave staying with him here in US for the past 1 year.

They hope to go back as they rather be with parents and family than live life here. Then I tell him about how I ended up here after a long struggle and how I was thinking of going to India and maybe get married to Eva earlier, but how situation suddenly changed and I am no longer going to India thru Cognizant.
What will happen in the future, I don't know, but I tried like no man would ever try, killing my ego and self-respect. Only to be treated more coldly, the more I seem to try the more I was treated with dis-respect.
And when she told me that she will be sad if we break up, I like a fool was feeling guilty aned was trying to make her feel better and trying my best to make up for having suggested such a silly thing that it won't work between us if we continue.

Atleast now we got to see how each of us treats the other under the reversed conditions.

That in itself is a great measure and indicator of who is what in our relationship.

Anyways go and drop him off at his house and return to write the blog before stepping out. 8:20 pm now. going out to down town. :)

Got to meet the first Indian girl Archana, in Philly salsa secene. She moved here from Seattle and is working in Philly. She was an amazing dancer and she looked smoking hot too. Basically from Chennai (madras).