Another bright day

Thursday Jun-24-2010
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get up early by 5am , just 5hrs . Meditation sure helps. Do some yoga and a bit of work out. Pants have already feeling loose.

Check emails for a few. see Eva online send msg and suddenly her status seems to set to busy. well guess she is.

Anyways get ready to get out and find that I misplaced the keys. franatic running around to find it. was hoping to beat the gate closing for the 6:50am train. But was not able to. Made it to work the long way but made it on time. my time of 7:00am. And got into conf. talked a few general stuff about how I am making it into work early and then the Kolkata guys came in and started the conf.

was checking the application for the issues thatI had yesterday night when working from home.

Then logged on to igoogle and send eva a msg with hope of telling her something I was thinking for sometime.

Well its almost weekend time with a Full moon coming by on Saturday. Supposed to be astrologically fine for me. Now should I go for hiking or salsa dancing on friday night. Malini said she was going to turn up after her job work in some southern state for her company. And then maybe call up Ashish the new guy in the hiking group who was in Indianapolise and was taught salsa by Marcus someone with who I started learning together under Yang in the same class. :) small world.

Would be nice to go out salsa dancing with Malini and see how she follows my lead. She seemed pretty down to earth. remains to be seen how we connect on the dance floor

Was thinking about the coffee story I sent to Evi. It had a very profound meaning and depth to it. We all realy need is the coffee. A simple thing. but we get lost in the focus of the external cup.

Same as the Ego clash we had on our trip. Focusing on the external factors of I need this, you should do that or this or you are not been nice and cultured.

We should have focused on the core of why we were doing this and should have tried to focus on solution than ending up building walls and keeping each others opinion and not wanting to discuss.

Well enough thought about the past and looking at it from a fresh point of view is helping me focus on the things I could have creatively done and improved. Hopefully atleast in the future.

So that I don't repeat the same mistakes of the past and focus on the solution and controling personal ego. Guess I was scared that she would break my heart if I opened up more and was also trying to protect myself.

Only to latter realise that I love her more than anything in my life. Thou I was feeling relieved when she broke up this year for a few weeks. And ended up sending Amit the mail explaining all of my side of the story, maybe with the slight hope that he would be more mature enough to handle it and not lash out at her. Guess he was more immature and inexperienced than her and was more of a theory guy who was good with the indian way of quoting something from the Gita and ramayana. Something which Eva found very attractive, and I assumed that if she found that guy mature enough, he must be able to handle this. And after my talk with him he did sound like that. But guess it was all the Indian, mumbai show of external confidence on matters of knowing about relationship but not really practical.

All this said and done, comes back to the coffee of life and the elegant cup.

comparing it to my life and all the travelling and moving around. the basic reason was to be able to provide the future generation with the facilities of better education and affordable life style. So arouse the need to find a better paying job in the US and Canada.

Yes I would like to travel and experience other cultures and learn from the history and heritage of other cultures. It would be great as an hobby and also the possibility of adapting somethings good from those cultures.

Got chatting with eva towards the end of her day at work. she was not able to open the inspirational coffee story of the 123 greeting. Again seems to get angry and sarcastic when I just asked a casual question about whats keeping you busy these days. her reply was "I am not wandering around". Well that is something I have to learn to be tolerant towards and be patient towards people who seem to be low on that.

Strange it is that someone who seems to be so much into all those quotes of calming mind and thoughts seems to loose it all when undera bit of pressure or irritation.

Wanted to talk to her about something I was thinking of the past few days about my actions and other stuff. But thou she said she was going to be leaving late from work, suddenly just 4 sentences latter she just abruptedly leaves with out wating for me to say bye. That felt rude coming from someone who was preaching about how her culture it is bad to do this and that.

Well guess thats human nature I guess, people think of their cultural finess when they see the other person do something inappropariate and then when it comes to practising it, they all do the same things. Just words. Maybe its like the repeating of the words may help us control our basic animal behavior. That may also be why she feels bad about her own actions and takes comfort and control from all the inspiring words from the quotes.

We all do. Helps us keep in check and in balance. The point is in consiciously observing our own emotions and reactions to situation. Which I just noticed in myself and did not feel like reacting because of her actions. Rather was able to look at it as, oh maybe she is having a very bad day. And wanted to say something nice and cheer her up. That way I was able to focus on the good and doing good and coming up with a solution than contributing to making the issue bigger.

I am learning positively. Nice experience with Evi la miminko,, bon appetite (code for,,, ,, hehehe that was a nice example of what we say and what others understand).

Back to work.

Forecast says
there is a Lunar Eclipse on June 26, which is a powerful Full Moon. Eclipses always bring a sense of heightened anticipation. This one will challenge you to re-balance your life. Be warned - there will be no time to think - the choices are either this or that. Some of us may have to find a way to balance contradictory demands. But if you get it right then it'll keep you on an even keel in the months ahead.

Life is never boring with you, as any of your old romantic partners will acknowledge. This month you could throw your sweetie a curve ball with your ardor on June 30.

My daily forecast says :
Are you involved romantically with someone from far away? If the person lives close by, expect to see a lot of each other today. There is, however, a chance that your friend could be temporarily visiting family, and you're missing each other. Take heart! The celestial energy implies that your partner misses you just as much, and will probably move heaven and Earth to get back to you soon. Hang in there!

hehehe how much of this is true. Well wish Eva was like that or did that when we were together. I just did not want her to come to be with me as an obligation

but wanted her to come to me because she wanted to be with me.

Even if I would have said no, I was secretly hoping that she would just say, I don't care, I am in love with you and want to be with you so I am coming to canada. God knows then I would have loved her more than any person in the world could love anyone else. Love is building up in my heart waiting to burst out to the person who can really make me love her more than anything, Evi kind of ran away even before the best part could start.

I did not want her to come and live with me and make our relationship into a obligation. I came from there so you need to treat me in a different way, or I deserve to be treated in a different way. You should love me more because I traveled more. That type of thinking is never good for building a relationship.

Slovakia won against Itay,, yahoooo cheers

Maybe I need to go and visit Czech and Slovakia. I must be connected with that culture, that is why I remember most of the scene from the movie she showed me. I had seen it when I was a little kid.

Well who cares if she invited me or not. I am going there one of these days and going to experience it. Thou she said a lot of negative things about the people there, I am sure they are as good as Miraslav and Lubo.

3: I finish making a simulation of the code fix that worked in the Nbg group , but because of no ph connection to the Dtc group could not test it there.

4:30 training which dragged on into 620pm. Got back to desk and sent matt a thank you note for the dummy agents he set up for me on avaya. and told him we would need a 1800 ph no for Dtc .

6:45 bak home another 12hr day at work. with one hr lunch break.

came back and had a vanilla caramel ice cream cone. Ice on a warm day, courtesy of inspiration from Eva blog. Thank you eva ;) hehehe

9pm went for a run, then for some biking in the gym. Saw the first pair of two Indian couples there. hmmm not bad.

was walking back and saw the partial full moon. Beautiful on a day of clear sky.

Got back home was sweating like crazy. took off my shirt and sat in the balcony looking out at the beautiful milky white moon.
just felt peaceful and in awe at the radiating beauty.

in the moment of calm and peace was thinking that for years I have been waiting to open up my heart and soul and shower all the built up love with in me. But so far not one girl has had the fortune of experiencing it fully.
For the ones I wanted to open upto,
fate or their own unfortunate choice took them away from me.

Building up intensely and smoldering in my heart each passing day
is that warm special love waiting for someone special

Someone who will truly deserve it.
Someone who will truly appreciate it.

Some had the fortune of only having experienced glimpses of it
Maybe they did not have the fortune or fate to deserve my full love.

But growing and smoldering is the volcano of love within me.
waiting for that special someone, who deserves it fully and truly. :)