Eva found Love (announced her new love)

Wed, May 12, 2010
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its 8:20am now. At work station. Just walked from the Cafeteria to the room i am in with other indians. As usual the first to arrive as the others arrive around 9:30am.

But today when I was walking from the cafeteria, I greeted about 37 odd people walking past me all with a smile from my heart and a "hi" or "good morning"... there were a few angry AC's (Angry Czech's as I call them after Eva..hehehe).
But over all it was a great feeling to be happily smiling and greeting people. And some of them had so heart warming smiles back in return.

Was wondering what set this up today.

For one, after reading Evas status and understanding that she has really found love. I was imagining her brightly smiling with happiness and in LOVE. And just the thought of her been happy made me feel happier. Just like I was able to forget the paralyzing fear on the hike up squamish, by imagining her smiling face.

When she is nice and very happy her sincere smile always makes me feel happy. Wish she will always remain happy and not get angry or upset.

Guess I am really in love with her to think only good things for her. Just that I was thinking and now she has indicated that her real love is else where.

ITs better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all. But again, my love is not really lost, as I love her for what ever nice things are there about her and don't expect anything back from her now.
But been in love and caring for that one person also makes me feel apprehensive for her. Hope her new love is not just playing some kind of seduction game with her.

For some reason I got the feeling that Rishit and Mihir have a kind of bet game going on to see who can get Eva to have sex with them or who can seduce her first.

Rishit seems to be like Igor, the same animal look I saw so many times before the guys are trying to get the gal , not because of love but just for animalistic sex.,, Sad but nature at work.

Hopefully Eva is not another "Anastasia Safronova" .

These guys (I am sure are the rich kids compared to others in India). Seems to have got the magical door of AISEC opened to them and a host of innocent and sometimes slutty gals coming from other countries. They get to do things with them that they cannot do with gals who are from India. And then these gals are safely the ones who will move away after their visa expires. So its a kind of double guarantee that they can easily get away with telling lies and smooth talking and telling the gals what ever they want to hear. Especially if these guys are a bit educated, they are usally exposed to some kind of spiritual thinking and talking.
Atleast most guys that I know from my own college were guys who were involved in spiritual and philosophical and phscological discussions easily. Something I found that very few people in the Western world do.

Why for that matter of fact, all the Indian guys here in my room seem to be into those kinds of Analytical discussion about spirituality, Religion, Pshcology, Philosophy..... wow.. it felt like I was back in college with all those late night discussions.

Anyways its also strange to see that Eva was for the month of March April so deeply in love with Amit and wanting to be with him and then suddenly seems to shift towards Rishit.

And that to me remined me of her life in Vancouver. When she was moving from one guy to another with out any real direction or thought of her own moral and mental strength.

And that was one of the reasons I wanted to talk to her about the ossoyos episod with Igor and the her relationship with Raymondo.

Communication ;;;; but why did I really want to open up the past. been thinking about that again and again and trying to understand why.
Then today in the shuttle bus it occured to me. I wanted us to be able talk about it openly and understand why something like that happened and also understand that these type of things will not happen again in the future.

I think I needed to know that this was the past and that if we ever end up becoming a permanent couple for life these things will not repeat and happen again.

But when she just shut herself up and just got angry and said "I don't want to talk about this again", the whole mechanism of communication just shut down and the doubts and thoughts about it just multipled and grew into more insecurity and fear. And then compounded by a couple of lies here and there, things only become worse.

That IS why Open COMMUNICATION is said to be so Important for a relationship. No matter how difficult the subject is to face. But the TRUE and HONEST approach is the only way things will become stronger.
As the popular saying in India goes, Truth will always Triump in the end. Just a matter of time.

But anyways, I am really happy for her and her new love and just the thought of her HAPPY Smiling from the heart and radiating the happiness around the other people around her is making me happy.

ITs so nice and sweet to see her room mate Jose and his girl friend so in love, no matter how far and removed from each other they are physically.

For real love, distance does not matter. Its a feeling that will conqure all the distant miles.

Like for me now thou I understand that she is in love with somone else, just the thought of her been happy makes me feel happy. :)

cheers to Love
and its sincerity.
cheers to Love
and the feelings of happiness
cheers to Love
and the moments of joy
cheers to Love
and the heavenly feeling of been on top of the world
cheers to Love
and the feelings of been able to face anything and everything in life
==========

Got talking with Chakri after a long time. He is still trying to adjust to the time change and jet lag. Tried to explain to him the emotions I was going thru, was not able to discuss openly as there were others in the room by then.

Was wondering what was it that I was pissed off. Well her trying to lie to cover up another lie. I was not against her going and staying or with the issues of trusting her. I was pissed off at her lieing and the questions and frustration,, why,,, ????? I am not that foolish not to understand when she is lying,,,, its so obvious,, just a couple of questions and the way she answers when she herself feels guilty and not been really honest and the way she words her answers always tells me that she is hiding something or is not been open.
While all I wanted was for her to be open and honest with me as fully and best as possible.
Thats another thing that was frustrating, For sure I will have my opinion about what ever she or anyone does.
But that is something she or others have no control over and if lying is what they think is the easiest solution. Then history should will show that it only adds to the problem than any long term benefit.....

Lying is but a short term fix, that may buy you time, but makes you loose credibility and makes you less trustworthy.

Had chicken with some kind of Vodka sauce pasta in the afternoon. yummy... was so huge got more than half of it for dinner too.

Then had CTI meeting with the Bussiness analyst and got to realise that there the work for the new enhance had already been done and put in. So in other words, they don't need me hear for this project which is supposed to go on till November...... is it time to look for a new job?
I am getting lots of mails regarding the openings now. And some of them paying almost double. But all are short term projects. And this looks like a good company to have long term interests, but again nothing is long term and for sure in US, its all profit driven and objective oriented.

ahhhh so many uncertainties, who has seen the future. Just live it day to day and try to be happy.....

Went for a run about 2 kms. And realised that I was walking 1.5 kms each way every day the past few days to work. With about 20 kgs on my back. Not a bad change in life style.

Talked with Anil in Texas, his parents have come to visit and he was disappointed that he could not get the color of the the Honda Pilot that he wanted. So much difference between peoples wants and things that could disappoint them.
I just wanted a simple gal to love and to be loved by and live a peaceful happy life of contentment ... and just don't seem to be able to find any who would love me. anyways I have now given up on that dream. To old and tooo worn out by too many disappointing past experiences.

Life goes on.