Aug 06 Friday Dept of Labour

Friday, Aug 06-2010
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Up late, kind of feel tired from yesterday. And have been getting cramps since I went for the fast run a few days ago. Another reason (excuse) for not going for a run yesterday evening.

Posted the masala piece on Evas blog. not sure how much of that she will use of find useful or she would think that other people have better suggestion about that than me. Its such a cliche thing, to not give importance to the words of people who are close but rather go for the words of someone new.

Is it because we already have a preconceived judgment about the people who are close to us and that prevents us from opening up and seeing beyond the reality of our own colored glasses?

Got to work late after sending mail to tara, poor girl, been ignoring her mostly because I did not have anything planned to do. Been going on impulse at the last moment to the hikes. Shes been asking to go for salsa. This weekend need to go drop Kris off at JFK (start at 5am from Philly) and then go Narayans place for the weekend celebrations of his birthday.... So no salsa this week.

Still feeling home sick and kind of happy with the news of 15 days paid off by the client due to year end shut down. That should give me lots to go and celebrate back home after 4 to 5 years...... And who knows if parents have a good gal for me, then get married.

Giving up on finding love on my own. The last with EVA, it was my last shot at it. And it ended up in me totally loosing faith in people and love. Been taken for granted and treated worse than the worst. All because she wanted to maker herself believe that she is doing the right thing by dumping me and for falling for Amit. Who just kooly turned her down and even went on to the extend of telling me that he did not find her attractive at all, neither physically nor emotionally.

Well he does not see what I see in her.

And she chooses to see in me what ever she wants to conveniently believe so that she does not feel guilty for her own actions.

Life goes on. Atleast I can rest and be assured in my own conscious that I tried like no man has ever tried.
After that feeling of been insulted and taken for granted and treated so sickenly, even the slightest gesture of kindness of even a fleeting smile from a lady passing by makes me feel appreciated.
That’s how low I have gone in terms of screwing up my own human dignity.

I just pray to god that he never plays this cruel trick with anyone. Please.

Or maybe there is a higher reason. Was listening to a country music station where a guy sings about meeting his school time crush when he was with his wife. Looking back he used to pray to god every night to help, make her his. But now he thanks god for all the wishes he DID NOT GRANT.

Time will reveal the future.

Atleast I am glad, that I did not end up marrying the girls I used be in love and used to pray really hard to god to be married to them. But now when I look back at that, I feel like thanking god for NOT granting my wish.

That song yesterday evening with the lovely clear sky sunset. Was really touching and deeply moving.


Back to working on the Dept of Labor documents and having it scanned. to be sent to DOL new York and Virginia states..