Choosing the Right Mate

What does God think?

The Bible is God’s Guide Book. To determine if each is "marriage material," both partners should evaluate themselves, and each other, in the light of scripture.

Ladies

o According to the Word of God, the future husband should be a good provider. He should "tend and keep the garden" (Genesis 2:15) as the first husband did. A young man should have a stable job and a history of managing his money well, to insure financial security for his future bride.
o Jesus later emulated Adam’s obvious servant leadership when, for example he partook in footwashing with his disciples. Christ’s example is the basis for the instruction given to husbands: "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her." (Ephesians 5:25) Certainly, this leaves no room for abuse or tyranny directed toward a wife. Girls, pay close attention to how your young man presides over younger siblings, children, and pets because that is a good indication of how he will govern you!

Men

o Scripture also tells us that the future wife should be a "a helpmeet" (Genesis 2:18), a comforter (Genesis 24:67), and an encourager (Proverbs 31:26). Clearly, a wife should be committed to the calling that God has placed on her husband. She should be submissive to his servant leadership, and she should be willing to make their home a place of refuge and encouragement. Guys, carefully observe how your young lady reacts to the instructions of her parents, pastor or employer, for that is how she will respond to your headship!


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This goes well with the theory of mine related to Salsa dancing. When two people are compatible, they can dance for ever. The man leading and the women following the lead. After countless experiences and having talked with a very wide variety of dancers and comparing notes about the different partners they have danced. Salsa dancing (or any other partner dancing) is the fastest way to know if you are compatible with each other.

One of the common experiences among the men has been the ease of leading Japanese gals during social dancing, even thou they are raw beginners. So in other words, even your socio-cultural upbringing seems to play a role.

I find it particularly difficult to lead most western women.
There were few that I was able to lead effortlessly. And the ones who I was able to lead easily, I often found out that they were closer to their mothers.

Does that mean that women who grew up with closer ties with their moms are better Mates ? I think 'maybe so'. More because they get to watch and learn from a experienced person the way to be good partners and mates.
Also observed that its usually the gals who have been spoilt by their dads that end up as mean, selfish, self-serving partners and make life miserable for their men. In turn leading to troubled marital life.

Also interesting has been the remark from one of my aunts, told me to go for a gal who is from a larger family and to avoid single kids or gals who is the only daughter in the family. The idea been that the gal from such background would have been molded into the attitude of and learnt to live as a team, she would know NOT to put her desires and greed above others and learnt one of the most important ingredient for the success of a relationship "Compromise".

Individuality maybe good to some extend. But breeds more of a selfish attitude, great for personal achievements. Not a great ingredient for a successful relationship.

My mom has a tendency towards wanting a gal who is low in EGO. That she says is essential to balance the HUGE EGO in men, having raise two men and lived with one, her thoughts seem to hold well.

And then when it comes to wisdom of some of my uncles, the shallow ones just seem to be interested in saying "Go for the hot and pretty one". If not anything you can have something to send your imagination running wild and don't have to look far. And then as per them, all women do is try and control, no matter from which part of the world they are in. Its always hyped up by the women themselves that they are victims, but in reality they are the ones who are very well equipped (mentally and physically) to hypnotize the men with their looks and pampering the mens EGOs and getting what they want.

Ask any good manager, they are usually people who have managed to learn the art of managing EGO's. And women are naturally born with it, from having a womb to giving birth to raising the new born into Adult hood.
I tired of all dis-trust and dis-honesty that the gals I meet are invoking in me. Guess I have not had the fortune of meeting the right one thus far. So its best to stick to just go have fun and then move on with no commitment.

All the gals seem to think is that by not revealing or talking everything that matters to the other person is equal to honesty. They think that not telling is equal to not lying.
Well to me its lying if for example someone has some Venereal disease and does not reveal that before having unprotected sex. Would they be okay if someone has AIDS and has un-protected sex with them????? The person with the disease could go, you did not ask so I did not tell.

To me its the moral obligation of the people involved to let the other person know anything and everything, as it might impact them or their values and give them the right of choice. And if after that they make a decision that is something I would consider Right.

Also goes with the fact that its just the right thing to do, if one is seeing of dating someone else and not keep someone else in the blind. As one friend said, it sucks to be the last person to know from the one person who is supposed to be the first to tell you. And its just unfair to be tortured with and left wondering with a hundred thousand questions running thru your head. And if someone is doing that torturing and not been prepared to answer the questions and doubts, then its time to move or start preparing for the inevitable.... the total break up. Just wish that the other was honest about it.

The signs are always there.
From been too busy to communicate,
Not been open and forthcoming with information.
Vauge talk about subjects that just needs simple clarification.
Needing 100,000 questions to clarify little things.
To asking you to spend more time with your friends. No one who is in love would prefer their loved one to spend time with their friends over their love. That is a sure sign of that person is distancing you from them selves.

to be continued........ feel free to put in your 2 cents.

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Re-Organizing

Re-organizing, life sometimes needs to be seen from a different perspective. Starting from trying to readjust the awake-sleep cycle to giving up certain practices to giving up hobbies to addictions.

I started off with re-adjusting some of my furniture's, not that I have a lot, but changed the direction of my living room couch from East-West to North-South.
Then turning off the TV for as long as I can, major improvement in time. But this is and has been an on going struggle. Getting to terms with the eerie silence in the room broken occasionally by the sound from one of the 4 computers cooling fans and the Occasional passing of a car. Got to see how long my resolve will last.

Then going on a 3 km run every day, my timing seems to have improved. And followed by a few work out.

All this with the resolve and determination and looking at myself and deciding "who am i?" (thanks to Kati for the words).
When I feel lazy to get up from the bed in the morning, I ask myself "who am I "?
Then when I want to switch on the TV again, I ask myself "who am I "?
Feel lazy to cook, I ask myself "who am I "?

So far I would say I am about 50% successful in motivating myself. And its just day 5 of the new year 2010.

Happy New Year , ഹാപ്പി ന്യൂ ഇയര് (malayalam)! !

allavarkum ....... Hridayam ... niranja ....puthuvalsarasamsakal.... (എല്ലാവര്കും ... ഹൃദയം .. നിറഞ്ഞ .. പുതുവത്സരാസംസകള് ).

Moving into the new year and new decade in a few hrs.

Looking back at all the things that went by, the choices that I made, in life, career, love. Nothing seems to hold well for me. Nothing seems to be the right fit, always felt out of place in groups or felt that I was always in one sided affairs.

Cannot blame anyone, just myself. Because I was the one who made the choice. Even after knowing things, always living in a dream world, thinking that things can be worked out.
Wish I was more stronger mentally.
Wish i was more objective oriented.
Wish I was more selfish and cared less about others.

Always wonder how come others (many) seem to be so self-centered and selfish. And why is it that I am not able to do things that they do......

Is it cause of my Culture, my up-bringing, is it just me been too nice and the laws of the universe tends to apply by taking the nice people for a ride and making them into some kind of animalistic, evil, self-serving Devils?....

But I am glad that I have a few friends I can count on the fingers of my hand. People who are living very far away from where I live and have not met them for the past few years, but who care about me in their own little way and make me feel a bit of self worth. Give me the critical views honestly and directly with out fear, but only with the objective of seeing good things happen to me.

Still looking for the one person who would love me as madly as I would love her. Decades of searching and yet no sign of her.
Is there a person like that for me atall?
or is that just going to be my fantasy?

Just asking for someone to love me and make me feel loved.
Someone who I could tell anything and want to tell everything.
Someone who would be just plain excited to talk to me and happy to be with me no matter what time of day or night.
Someone who would be just waiting and wanting to share with me every part of her life, no matter what I would think about it.
Someone who wants to share every part of my life and dreamswith her. Making me feel that my life, my thoughts, my desires, my dreams is worth something to someone.
Just asking for a plain someone to love and to love me for what I am.

But so far.... Have only met people who seems to want me as some kind of stepping stone or slave to their dreams.....

And the latest to be labeled as some kind of bonus and upgrade... wow! like I am some kind of toy for their seasonal entertainment package.
I don`t want a bonus relationship or an upgrade nor do I want to be some one else s bonus or upgrade. I just want simple love and to be simply loved..... why is that so tough?????

I just want to be the center of their life as much as they are the center of my life.....

Will the new decade be something that could give me hope(s) or will it be again a hopeless journey of directionless gibberish?

Anyways I am reaching a very fine point of giving up hope and ending up in lethargic frustration.

The future does not seem to have any direction. Just pale gloom like the Vancouver weather in winter.

In a few hrs with a free ticket that I won, I will be stepping into the NEW YEAR and NEW DECADE full of confusion and uncertainty. Neither growing nor vinning!

ഹാപ്പി ന്യൂ ഇയര്‍ - Happy New Year

Happy new year of 2010.

Moving into the new year with expectations of improving life conditions and choices in: actions, health, language, learning new technology (knowledge), people.

Hopefully give up drinking fully, more so to live a healthy life.

Feels nice to be wanted

It feels nice to be wanted. Especially when out dancing and there is someone showing extra interest in you. Good for the waning self-esteem and Ego.
And much more better when there is more than one Girl showing interest. Not sure what the extend of their intentions are. But sure feels good to know that there are still people in this world that consider me as important and go out of their way in making me feel like the center of the world.

For a person who is mostly into giving and then been taken for granted, it felt nice to be the one who is been given.

And sure felt extra good when they keep asking me to dance again and again. Unlike the fake and superficial people who just come and try to be with your for their own convenience and then when u need them,,,,, they are hardly there or are very busy in their super shallow world of illusion.

Life sure is funny with all kinds of people thrown at you. Just when you have given up hope that all is lost, somethings happen to make you feel a little better. Hopefully I have learnt my lessons or it will be history repeating itself again.

Tomorrow will be going to get my Uniform for the Olympics. Great to be in a city thats hosting the Olympic games. Thou I am not in support of a Rich mans games, as the Winter Olympics only has people from Richer Developed Countries. Then people argue that the other countries don't have Snow.
Well India and Pakistan do have snow, but only the super rich in those countries can afford the Equipment to ski or skate. The poor people there just walk in the snow carrying groceries and stuff.
Such is the contradiction of societies and people living in this world of ours. Some people have it all and are always grumbling complaining, some don't have any and just trying to live thru the day with hope to make it alive the next day.

5 years in Van-city

Wow, its already been 5 years since I first landed in Vancouver. Two more months and I would have lived in the same Apt for 5 years.

What a ride it has been. After living like a gypsy for many years, virtually sleeping in sleeping bags most of the time. It felt good to have my own Bed. One of the first steps I took with the hope of bringing some steadiness in my life.

Far from having my own house. Wanted to and still want to have my own house and have my own 60 inch plus flat screen TV and my own parking garage to park my most priced possession (my Car). My car has been with me for about 6 years now and traveled very wide and far with me in my few adventures.

What and where the future will take me I have no clue. I often wonder how come people are able to make 10 years plans, 5 years plans, 2 years plan .... When I am not able to even plan for the next week. Where I will be or how I will be.

Is it lack of aim or is it lack of options?

I did try to aim for somethings, or rather have a few aims, but with limited options and bad timing caused them to collapse.
And sometimes its been my own crushed spirit or laziness.

Indian interview.... frustrating

ITs always frustrating been interviewed by an indian just of the boat working in an indian company. Guy keeps asking the nitty gritty of some very small value that I must have used about 10 years ago. As thou he is testing my memory and not by experience.... grrrrrr.

Can't see myself going back to india and been able to work for an Indian company anymore.