May 15 2014 hurt and confession

Thursday May 15 2014 

Feeling low and lost.... whats happening there... seeing m online till late night into 2am. 

Work it feels very out of place.. looks like will get sacked anytime.

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Nothing hurts more and feels helpless than to see the object of your affection lost and dotting on someone who does not even seem to care about her.....

oh for all that I am able to sense and feel so deeply about her, like sensing the soul of a soul mate, its weird how I am able to sense her and read her , if only she knew how deep.....

Can so clearly sense the turbulence ..... the denial .... the instinct to defensively divert focus and trying to keep occupied with more pleasant controllable activities, away from reality ....

Makes me believe in the supernatural ..... nature works by its own pattern and formulas..... like we are all pre-assigned roles and guided to do things. We like to think that it was all us and our great abilities that got us to where we are.

But in essence, it feels as thou it was pre-determined and we were fools and fooled into thinking that we are the ones controlling....

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Confession time :
Last Wednesday, when I gave you my address, a part of me was thinking, oh god she is going to come down with her boyfriend and beat me up, or shoot me.
I thought, okay I have a clear view of who  is going to come from the front of the building . So I might be safe.....
Then you called and said you were at the back of the building..... aaaaahhhh.. I thought ,, "thats it Vino, now you pay the price of been a Romeo:""!!  (in indian movie style, the hero always gets beat up by the girls family hehehehe).
I thought about it and said to myself,,,,, ok if I am going to get beat up, so be it. At least I will be beaten up for doing something good with pure, true intentions. And that too by someone smile I adore....
Was so geared up for pain when I came down ,,, like a true martyr..  it felt like a scene from an Indian movie.... hahahahahaha... hope you are laughing at this foolish thoughts I am confessing too ;)

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I really wanted to ask you something... but I understand you are super super busy.. thats okay.. no pressure, just answer if you can.

When we danced.... I mean when I tried leading you with just the fingers,, what was it that you felt... ????

I remember that your face lite up, like someone just put rose water over you,, and the aura around you came to life. But what did you feel and think? as opposed to your normal performance partner dancing and styling.... because with the finger touch dance,,,, you never have option for styling... u will be forced to stay focused on your partner and CONNECT, and would be communicating with your partner with the energy from your body connecting thru each others fingers,,, ... I did not realize that I was controlling energy untill one of the beginner girls elaine (adoring fan of yours in Etown) told me that she felt that I was able to control her energy,,,,, if you have time to think about it, please do let me know.. what was it that you felt... ????

Peaceful and rejuvenating to be at home and spend time relaxing in the luxury of solitude and calmness 
One develops inner strength by withdrawing deep with and taking time to reflect in the calmness of ones own breath......
the simple basics, the foundation, is where your true core is.