Apr 21 2012 Saturday

Saturday, Apr 21 2012

Again another sad day after talking with parents.
Not sure how to make my dad happy. well again again he has proved that I am not worthy and he is fixated on my kid brother, who does not even care to make a call home.

What am I supposed to do.

ITs like a lost cause and yet here I am going back into the same old pattern of been the good son and trying to get them to be happy ... and when I call up all my mom says is. is it a.... my kid brother,,, its like they are always waiting for him to call. And as always ,,, no one cares about me.

Guess I am just destined to be the one no one cares about and foolish me keeps going out of my way trying to get people to like me.

Fk them all.

I have to keep reminding myself to just not care about the rest of the world and just to care about my own self..... thats the easiest and toughest part, I am just not the uncaring and selfish person, like many pampered  single kid. single male or single female in the family. Selfish and self centered to the core.

Again mom was talking about some call she got from a lady whos daughter did her phd and is now working in the gulf. seems to have told mom that they could get me a job in the gulf along with her.  yea ,,,hmmmm. need to ponder.

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Also realized that I am a sucker for nerdy gals. Fall easily for them.
Given my current emotional conditions, I could easily fall for any gal who would be even a bit nice nice and caring to me.
Almost fell flat for the neuro genious from Frans va at tango. must be fate that took her away on a trip or going by the kind and caring and encouraging way she was partnering up with me while learning and taking blame even for my goof ups and encouraging me thru, said tons about her.... hmmm wish I had someone like that permantly in my life who cared like that...... 
well I can hope and dream. thats for sure for free and no one can steal that from me as long as I have a working brain.

Wonder when she will be back