Monday 1st of Nov 2010
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Start of week, month... got some tough meetings up today. Its like everyone seems to have invited everyone for the meeting I set up. Ahhh I hate to be in the middle of the stage. Stage fright has been my greatest weakness. Afraid of attention. Afraid that something bad will happen and always to me.
Other people seem so at ease and seem to want attention more and more. But not me. I just shy away from it. But don't mind loving attention from one person at a time. But that does not seem to happen too often as I wish. :) hehehe lifes sweet twist and turns.
off to work.
Was thinking about k who I saw yesterday on the hike. She seems to have such a sincere and honest looking face. And also a wall around her. Felt like reaching out to her and was wondering how it would be to be in love with someone like that. Seems to be very educated with a degree or a masters from the mid-west.
Next time gonna ask her out and see how it goes. Just that I don't get to meet her frequently.
was thinking about Sara too, but looks like she does not feel the same intensity as i do.
Feeling much good and better about myself after getting to the root cause of the problem that was troubing the Mok application. With all the fingers getting pointed towards the code I developed. It feels good to know that the issues or root cause of the issues is else where.
Thanks to the extra effort that i had to put in over the weekend screwing up all my fun and enjoyment. But the feeling I am feeling now with discovering the root cause and knowing the solution if a particular requirement needs to be met. Makes me feel much better about myself. And I am sure the bosses feel the same about me and my week end efforts. Feels nice to be unselfishily appreciated and made to feel good by people.
If only some other people who I so foolishly fell for and was hoping that they would realize how their Overly selfish actions was hurting me felt even a bit of the same gratitude towards the care and sacrifice I made to constantly make them happy..... But again they are who they are and I am who I am, and the lesson learnt is that I should have listened to my instincts when I first saw their self-centered attitude and JUST WALKED AWAY.
And its not worth all the effort, pain, constant Stress, heart break, been taken for granted and kicked around as thou nothing about me and my thoughts, my feelings mattered. Even if the feeling of love was overwhelming.
Its just not worth the effort to try to communicate with someone who has a closed mind about their own actions and self. That is I am too perfect to be corrected. And I don't want to analyze my past actions..... Some people just go bull dozing into the future without trying to learn from their past.
The sad part is, it takes some time and getting to see some of their behavior and a few attempts before we can convince ourself that its a lost cause And most of all that its not our fault that they are who they are.
Euphoric feeling after having got to the root cause of the issue and knowing that its got nothing to do with my code.
And other feather with after organizing the meeting between all the screwed up political game players in the company..... wish and hope i do not have to do those kind of things again and keep away from such people.
back home around 6:30 called up venkat to see if he is there. left msg.
trying to decide if I should go to my fav salsa place on monday. or with the sub zero temp today, should I just stay home as most of the people in Philly have had been to the salsa festival that was happening during the weekend and must be resting it out.,,,?????
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