May 27 2014... house hold stuff arrives, feeling depresed

Tuesday, May 27 2014

Got to work after the long weekend.
kind of lethargic, got call that my house hold stuff will be delivered today.

so got off work around 3:45 and the delivery guys come around 6..

well atleast this time things dont seem damaged much.. set up the TV now my place looks like a TV shop.

missing the sweetness of M and the so down to earth persona.
well I guess I am not worthy of deserving something as good as that.

feelings waves of depression ,,, 

walked over to walmat and in the macdonalds got a fish o fillet and a junk burger... 
thou I have food at home, do not feel like eating it... guess its the crash time after the high on adrenaline.

IT was funny to see M dance and perform, she seems to be dancing in her own sweet world at her own pace and rhythm. totally an energy out of sync with the others. explains a lot about her self... a bit like Ev.. self absorbed.... but then not as angry but a more gentle self lower energy... which is begging to be guided. Felt that when I tried the finger dance with her..... her whole personalty changed into ecstasy....

She is not a performer,, but she seems to like the attention she is getting there.

Can't help but love her ,,,,

ahhh why this one sided torture.....

and why is it that I attract people that I am not interested in .. why are the ones I am interested in not interested in me.


What if there is something there that I would not like to see in a life partner.. drugs!? atleast she did admit it. Is she taking any now? not sure, she sure as hell is very secretive about what she is upto late weekend nights... did not seem comfortable to share,, seemed uncomfortable..... like it bothered her telling me that piece of information. and she was out way into late night.. wonder what her life is like....

May 26 2014 Soul mate who is miles, years and phases apart.

Monday May 26 2014

It feels so heart breaking ...to know and realize the person you think is your soul mate and you are at different phases in life, miles apart, years apart ...

For some mysterious reason you end up getting a glimpse of her soul,,,,, paths crossing briefly, then are miles apart, just left with the feelings of having seen the doors of heaven and bliss.

You gradually realize that you met the one you have been searching for, in one moment of what felt like a light of enlightening revelation.

you with all of what seems to be the accumulation of all the years of ups and downs that did not make much sense try again and again to reason, pull away, get pulled back, pushed away. 

But the feeling of having met the perfect other half of your soul just keeps getting more stronger and more clearer.

Even little piece of revelation of her life feels like it only made the initial il - logical feelings look like the "perfectly right gut instinct" of been attracted to the absolutely right soul.

The simplicity of living life happy with little,

Common threads of personal and professional grounds...

,,,, been natural, living natural, salsa, yoga, kick-boxing, 

Soul mates often haunt common grounds...

,, miles apart, years apart and at different phases in life,,,,

that very path you had been walking on and had been thru

years before, you see your soul mate treading thru.

A huge part of you just wants to reach out and say,

I am with you and will be with you hence forth.

with confusing turbulence in your heart,

you reach out in ways that you could,

with no book or check list of do's and dont's,

friends trying to reason an unreasonable soul

a soul in the ecstasy of having met its only other.

foolishly trying to beat the advancing clock.

In desperation and fear of loosing the most important.

but then been at different phases in life,

 the miles apart only makes her feel that we are different .....

Will there ever be the perfect meeting and union leading to the synchronous locking of souls and the resulting forever happiness.

Do I wait, live every moment in anticipation..... while other souls try to bite a piece of our perfect made for each other ,, will it be too late ...

or will it just be the criss cross of souls , never to meet again~!?

Only connection that now remains,,,, is the thin thread via facebook....


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Heres my interpretation..... :D

Short salsa story created on the fly, inspired by the cartoon by Chakri Gajula and comments made my Ella ;)..... [Thanks guys]

Once upon a time there was a beautiful Swan Ella and a dorky frog Vin. :)

The frogy asked Miss Swan to dance salsa,,,,, she laughed and said "no".

Poor frogy thought hmmm maybe I can impress her with a bachata.

So froggy waited and waited, practiced all his best moves over and over in his head...

And Bachata came, he went over and asked Swany for a dance..... she squinted and said "Nope"...

awww bummer.... Froggy thought, all is not lost, maybe I can impress her with a cha-cha-cha... maybe 3rd time lucky..

So froggy again waited.... went over the smooth moves and transitions over his head and had a cocky smile of satisfaction.

Came Cha-cha-cha...  with a spring in his steps he went over to the pretty swan and asked "shall we dance?"... swanny rolled her eyes and said "Nah".

ahhhh man, Froggy thought,, that was my best move... oh well maybe the "Merengue", my last trick...

Came merengue..... forggy, jumped out of his sulky mood, twisted turned, ducked between bodies and like a jenie out of the bottle he was in front of her...

 "MERENGUE?" he asked, 

with his best imitation of a deep throated latin accent .... 

with cold eyes, now melting with pity, she said "Maybe"......

And they dance happily ever after...

Moral of the story: never say "no" when asked for the first time by someone to dance, you never know what you are going to miss out on. :)

For guys,,,,, -> Forggys only win in stories and not in real life ;)  hahaha as bad as it sounds... lets face reality.

May 25 2014 Sunday soul mate!

Sunday May 25 2014

Its kind of strange that I feel I have met my soul mate. Starting with the first fatal attraction towards her smile. Then getting to know bits and pieces of her ,,,, felt like she is the one that I had been fantasizing about my whole life as my perfect mate..... and had the fortune of meeting in mysterious circumstances.

The little I got to know about her, was able to relate too,, the job after college... yoga, martial arts, salsa... no  make up... just down to earth living the simple life.... how much more could I have asked for in a perfect soul mate!!???

Just two things that stood out as Red flags
1) her having done or doing drugs
2) refusing to dance with me the merengue. ....
3) probably not been honest about having got back with her boyfriend

why is the universe showing me someone who meets all the criteria of a soul mate and then not letting us unite!?
Feels like a cruel joke.

Just feel that she is at a very different stage in her life of evolving...
going thru what seems to be the same path that you had been thru.... and your heart and soul feels like reaching out and saying... here baby, let me hold you and lets pass thru this together as soul mates are supposed too.

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Hyderabadi Biriyani... for my Hyderabadi Soul

This kind of touched me..... in my case, I ended up first falling mysteriously for a beautiful smile [one sided] and then was able to forgive the past ones..... felt liberating to be able to let-go of the past hurt and the resulting feelings all cause I could feel the feelings of tender love from my heart again .... so for me it should read,,, when you fall in love ,,, you forgive the past....... or loving heart - > forgives

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felt nice to have run on the thread yesterday... personal best time this year. .. not sure if its cause of running at lower altitude? but felt good and was able to sleep like a log.... well sleep is again all about mental peace brought about by a clear conscious and noble thoughts

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Whenever you are lost, you will be found again.
Lost cannot exist without found. Your heart is not stolen; it is guarded because it was hurt. It's worth opening it again and again to experience the whole gamut of life: the splendor of all the play of opposites with an underlying peace from the awareness of the part of you that has no opposites.

MAy 23 Friday

Bored and looking for inspiration !!!!! ... feeling home sick....
So end up watching a movie based on the book written by my cousin.. story based in the lil village of mine ,,,, Mahe, India
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8rAVwDCObzQ
Very interesting to hear some of the characters speak in the dialect spoken in my village... ... missing the land of my ancestors... and all my dear cousins .... Atleast I got to see the coconut trees and the shores of Mahe... the waves tap dancing and creating their own music..... the birds singing "good morning ,, have a beautiful day" every morning....filled with mixed feelings of longing, happiness and sadness,..


++++++++++++


Volunteered, working in the kitchen of the hugging saint last year in Washington DC , met some amazingly down to earth people with amazing attitude and like minded philosophy towards living. Was inspired and motivated to know that there are people in this world who look beyond wealth, looks, material possessions and are focused on doing things for others.... in short-> giving their time and effort for a greater self less good.
Was a bit disappointed when moving away to Edmon...ton... but now fate has got me to LA right on time ....in 2 weeks I will probably be able to meet the same inspiring people (mostly from France and Austria) who can ALSO cook amazing Malu food... [would have married any of them in a heart beat.. hehehe]
[[[I am no fan of any god-man or god-woman],,,,, I just try to soak in the good positive feelings and vibrations of the sweet people who sincerely love to do greater good to others... ]]]

 I am still trying to figure out why powerful congress people are moved to tears cause of her hug,, ?????
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=znRKoXmsfGM

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May 20, Mirage

Tuesday,, May 20 2014

Was at pi ne waiting for my partner of 10 years to come by... but then it turned out into a head fake.
feeling a bit low,,
got talking with cman.. went for a walk around the beach front.
got back and fell asleep.

May 19 , sucky monday

Monday, May 19

las palabras de amor son siempre las mismas: toman el sabor de los labios que las pronuncian - g. de maupassant

the words of love are always the same: take the taste of your lips which pronounced them - g. de maupassant 

Commented about how maupassant was one of fav authors... and it kind of got a reaction.... asking me not to msg. 

Only a heart thats honest and open to receiving love will be understanding towards the love flowing towards it :)..... 

Kind of feels sucky that she deleted my comment about maup been one of my fav authors.
Got out to pc h for some salsa.. baby.. not much of energy left after running.

Sunday was a great day, went to St monica... was flattered by the attention from a few ... one who was so impressed that she asked to dance again. and again and had a great close connecting bachata... wonder if I will ever meet her again.

May -17 2014 long weekend in Canada and my first weekend at home

Saturday May 17 2014

ITs a long weekend in Canada and woke up with some sweet loving thoughts of the one and only..

so sent out this thoughts from my heart...

Mmmmm Wishing you a very wonderful Long weekend.... cheers,

What are you upto ? ,, hmm knowing you,, I guess it would be back to back action packed.. hope you take some time in between all your hectic "to do" to step back and let your body and mind tissues catch up (don't burn out the old ones too soon.. it takes 7 years for the whole transformation,, I remember your words)...

Anways was thinking about you and wanted to just share these words with you... "I hope no matter what, that you never have to fake, pretend or force yourself to love someone".....

Have a lovely time spreading the gift of your adorably, lovely-energy filled, butter fly smile, to all those lucky people around you and making the world a better place.. cheers and loads of luv

one of your many adoring fans

"I hope no matter what, that you never have to fake, pretend or force yourself to love someone. Always stay true to yourself, your true feelings, be sincere and honest like I believe you always are"....

I think ,,,, thats not what my idea of love is about,, you cannot fake love,,, it has to happen in its own way and its own sweet time,, that is ,,,if there is something there...... I also admire her for the fact that she is not faking it or pretending anything thats not there or trying to force something like that.... if she did, I would be disappointed. 
She did not force me or get to me by something she went about doing.... it just happened....I felt her energy,,,,fell for it... and the things I got to know about her,, proved to me that it is towards someone who really deserves to be loved unconditionally....  and I am thankful that she inspired me in a way no one has after a very very long time ... thats nature at work...


hahahahaha

Daivathinte Vikruthikal (loosely translated Gods Mischief ,, not close to the translation in wikipedia) , Award winning novel written by my moms cousin M. Mukundan, story based in the native land of my ancestors Mahe, India,.. Malayalam movie with the same name : which also won the film award for Best story for that state 1992

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daivathinte_Vikrithikal

I was just thinking about the way the universe twists and turns my life around and was thinking about the word gods mischief... and was reminded of the novel ... I never read but heard.... 

hahahaha.. wiki describes my place,, as a ""little village, Mahe,""  hmmm ,, guess it is,,, the author married my moms (his cousins) class mate.. A place so small that almost every one is related to each other in some way thru marriage 

If I ever become a writer, I hope I write about happiness and love..... no, do not want to be contributing to the misery of focusing on pain and negativity... (thou that seems to see popularly).


I try, I try and I try,,,
...... Then there comes a time, I have to say
bye, bye, bye.... ....
well there is so much a person can Try..... 
after that self-respect kicks in.

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went to costco with anub, his wife and kid....
very interesting couple dynamics.

May 16 2014 no heart no feel for music

Friday May 16 2014

Was thinking about people, their feel for music and heart
One of the easiest way to know if a person has heart and feel for music is to ask them about merengue..
If they say its boring, then they do not have basic feel for music. More than often they turn out to be people who are performers.. into 1,2 style 3,4 style 5,6 style.... they do not feel the depth and motivating power of music....