Jun 17 , Afraid

Monday, Jun 17 2012

Past 3 days were kind of depressing.
ended up cooking mutton curry, then cleaning up the house a bit and doing laundry and a bit of shopping. watched the euro cup games. yet was not able to shake off the feeling.

Was running thru my mind trying to figure out why and what.

Did not feel like going out dancing, or going out and meeting anyone. Running all the possible scenarios. Was analyzing my emotion, and realised that after my last opening up of my heart about 2 years ago.. I have become a person who is afraid to fall in love, afraid of going thru the emotional pain that I did not want to go thru again, afraid to pair up and be taken for granted, emotionally insulted, betrayed with lies and decit. Blamed for things and incidences by a person who was so selfcentered and had no emotional sense of feeling that I too am person and have my own like, dis-likes, things I am scared off and have lots of insecurities. And the last thing I want was some one stomp over me.

Thou it was one of the saving graces that she is out of my life, but yet it feels hurtful and painful when memories of how badly I was treated comes back and then follows a hundred thousand questions on why would someone behave so selfishly, arrogantly, ignorantly and betray my trust and even after knowing the extend to which I went for her,, she conveniently , as was her selfish disposition , choose not to even glance in that direction.....  I owe myself better respect and treatment.
Glad in a way that it ended, should have ended much earlier and could have spared me much more emotional hurt.
  Quote on facebook.

In life you'll realize that there is a
purpose for every person you meet.
Some are there to test you, some
will use you, some will teach you, and
some will bring out the best in you.