Sep 09, Thursday,

Thursday, Sep 09 2010
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Woke up with the alarm around 5 with just about 2 hrs sleep, switched off the alarm and went to sleep again. woke up with a startl around 6:35, rushed thru the morning stuff and reached office around 7:10am.

ahhh to mid-week salsa. It really burns you off, the last wonderful music I danced to is still playing in my head. :)))))

Still thinking and moved by Malinis offer of cooking for me or treating me to Hyderabadi Biriyani.

Am I feeling the emotions, because of all the sickening treatment I received and been taken for granted for about an year and made to feel that I am not worth anything by Eva . That it iss making me feel overly-grateful to anyone making even the slightest gestures of kindness?

Well atleast it was a selfless gesture from Malini.

And got a few mails from the program people who are from US. Did not get an opportunity to reply to their mails either.

sweta gets her own ip phone connection to help make test calls and transfer calls.

got demo with Li at 11:30 in the war room,

Checking out salsa in Madrid.\

9:15am Went to dunkin doughnuts and had the small egg what ever and a medium coffee. Sent out a reply mail to malini :)

Wish I could openly and sincerely open up my heart and love again, like I was never hurt before, even at salsa when a few girls told me that they liked and enjoyed dancing with, I just froze up and was not able to talk after that.
IT is kind of frustrating to establish some kind of mysterious connection with people and to get scared and freeze up because of the fresh wounds of the hurt.

As much as I wanted to ignore all the hurt and disrespect and been taken for granted and treated like some kind of filthy creature,,, and tried I did to not hold any grudges or anger and establish friendship. But the more I tried the more I was insulted and treated worse.

How long will it be before I really will be able to free myself of the scars of someone else's sickness towards me?

The more I think of it, the more Chakris words seem to sink into me. My own selfish Happiness matter more. And if I had used this approach before, relationship with Eva would not have crossed the 1st month. :).
The signs were all there, just that I allowed myself to compromise and allowed to be taken for granted all in the name of "benefit of doubt" and the foolish Indian thing of compromise. Which does not work with people who are very self-centered. As they think its their birth right to be treated like queens and princess and others are to be taken for granted.