Nov-29-2024 Friday Remembering Days with dad, after watching the movie PAZHANJAN PRANAYAM >>>

 Nov-29-2024 Friday Remembering Days with dad, after watching the movie 

PAZHANJAN PRANAYAM  >>>  12:30 noon, just finished watching a Malayalam movie [PAZHANJAN PRANAYAM], kind of story of a guy 40 plus years, not married, looking to get married, gave up job as a teacher to take care of his dad. 

Loads of similarities, that made me think of the beautiful time I spent with my dad. Something my brother Anup was not able to experience and never will know. Kind of started to tear me up and fill up my eyes. 

But the twist is that, as with all movies and dreams, the guy meets a down to earth gal finally and they connect very well.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byvtiPQrVv4  

DAD : I wish I had known, to love him better !!!!!

 

I wish I had known

To take care of him, better

I wish I had known

To Nurse him, better

I wish I had known

To respond to him, better

I wish I had known

To make him happier, better

I wish I had known

To make him smile, better

I wish I had known

To feed him, better

I wish I had known

To dress him, better

I wish I had known

To clean him up, better

I wish I had known

To walk him, better

I wish I had known

To take him around, better

I wish I had known

To massage him, better

I wish I had known

To listen to him, better

I wish I had known

To understand him , better

I wish I had known

To know him , better

I wish I had known

To spend time with him, better

I wish I had known

To treat him, better

I wish I had known

To respect him, better

I wish I had known

To learn from him, better

I wish I had known

To hold his hands, better

I wish I had known

To give him, better

I wish I had known

To give him the best, better

I wish I had known

To Comfort him, better

I wish I had known

To ease his pain, better

I wish I had known

To make his life, better 

I wish I had known

To love him , better

Missing dad !!! Every day, Every moment ,,,,, Missing his smile every morning, when I wake him up and get him ready for the day,,

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Caring out of love v/s out of sense of duty or obligation !!

 It is one of the reasons I think its difficult to find someone to do the care-giving work to our satisfaction, Since almost all of them do it out of the obligation of getting paid or if its a relative, they do it out of sense of society-imposed duty,,,
which for sure helps in getting them started, but then its just a matter of time before their good behavior collapses and they start getting angry and resentful, And they tend to take it out on the very person they are supposed to care for and on others.

the feeling of energy drained out and not even able to call up any one for, just a chat.... the few hours I get for myself,, I just collapse in bed... Now its past 2am and this is the time I really get to do any kind of catch up ,, well that is if I have the energy for that...  just cannot believe that its been over 4 years and almost end of 5th year , with out even a day off.... 

But one thing I had the fortune of realizing is (courtesy of some malu movie) that ,,, if you are doing things out of a sense of duty, responsibility or obligation,,,, soon you will start getting frustrated and angry ... but if you do it with a sense of love and learn to love doing it,,, energy level is totally different.... And with 5 years just flying by, tells a lot .... 

Dementia, a cruel demon !

 

*************************** May-8-2022 Sunday

Dementia,,, a cruel demon, that turns grown men into a baby, in mentality and behavior.

Dementia,,, a cruel demon, that tortures the loved ones who are themselves lost and trying to comprehend about their loved ones change in behavior..

,,, the struggle to remember, what was once a no-brainier,

the struggle to remember where the toilet was,

reaching the toilet and the struggle to remember, why one was there,

the struggle to remember to drink water,

the struggle to remember how to eat, what to eat.

Sitting down to eat, spoon in hand, staring at the food and wondering , what am I supposed to do now ??

The struggle or rather the inability to remember to brush ones teeth and how to brush !!?? ......

The STRUGGLE !!!

That HEART WARMING golden moment, when dad looks at you, recognizes you after days of blank stares, smiles and seem to say " I am glad, I have you in my corner " !!!!! <3 fills up my heart and makes every moment spent with him, worth it.. 😍

Religion used as cover for the convenience of Evil people

 Jun-19-2021 Satruday

here is another shit happening,, I heard this before from an iranian around 10 years ago in USA about how pakistans mullas rape their students (boys), he said there were videos on youtube at that time itself... now we have a confirmed arrest there..  This is the problem with ALL the religions... because of their veil of secrecy and the way the reality gets suppressed in the name of religion it conveniently becomes a cover and hub for all kinds of criminal unlawful, immoral activities by people who are generally of the Evil kind ...

https://in.yahoo.com/news/pakistan-70-old-lahore-cleric-123201120.html

 Mountainview !!???