Tuesday , Aug 31 2010
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After a great monday night out salsa dancing at the Vango, was finding it tough to get up. Danced with all a bunch of people, mostly got asked by others to dance than me asking any.
Still feel my confidence and self esteem is at its low after the way Eva has been behaving/behaved with me. With me making efforts to smooth out the negativeity and her only trying to focus on just the negativitiy.
Well i tired like no man has ever, if she is just showing to me and her self that what she tries to show the outter world as a person into all kinds of philosophical and positive reading and posting on the blog and then goes on to the opposite of what she writes, then for sure she is not really who she portrays herself to be. Even to her self.
and like a fool instead of just ignoring sick people, I tend to get more concerned and want to do good to someone who is just ungrateful for all that I have done and sacrificed. Maybe its because I care too much,,,,, have to learn to care less for such people. But again the argument comes up, they are part of your life and you choose to take a chance. Is it bad on my own character to give up easily?..... or should I be as cold hearted as them?
It surely is affecting my own self-esteem and I am taking in her negative energy and looking at myself as a bad person. When in fact its the other way around, she is the one who is negative and still swimming in all kinds of fake, shallow, superficial show off state of mind.
Sure all her travel is great conversation material and to be made to feel great about it by people who are not into traveling to exotic places. Other than that, how can there be any spiritual growth when the foundation on which one is doing the travel is based on trying to just show off to less fortunate people.
As someone said, its " A real man doesn't love a million girls. He loves one girl in a million ways."
Thats also true to what ever one does, its does not matter how many different places in the world we travel in, as long as we can find happiness in one place, that is what matters. And that one place is within us, not at different places in the world.
So the same thing applies to me, I have to focus on my own happiness instead of trying to feel happy by trying to make someone else happy. All my actions seem to be try to please others and then feel happy if they are happy. And end up pushing my own requirements and happiness to the back.
Have to get back to focusing on my own self, appreciate all the good people with their positive energy and feel better about my own self worth and do good.
7:10 got on the issue of logging on to the test machines with Sweta. was over by 9am.
Got to pay rent, bills, ,,, send mail to vaughn systems.
Got msg from Aji regaring negotiating with Sangi for my leave. Looks like Sep10th is a no go as there is SIT (system integration test) starting for 2 weeks from Sep13. :(
Best possible dates seem to be latter on. need to now check to see flights and climate. don't want to go in any snowy conditions.
Got to decide, is it going to be just spain or just Czech? given evas attitude of treating me like an enemy, don't feel comfortable going there and then having to face the hostile behavior. Rather go alone and enjoy by my own.
around 11:40 got msg from Ajay about going out for dosa at dosa hut :) wanted to go home and get the docs and pay the rent. decicded to go for dosa and latter came back and around 2:10 went home. got the docs.
Send mail to Vaughn about new dates request and sorry for the earlier one on Sep 12.
Back to office and meeting around 3pm-4.
off work after sending in the Expense report and sheets to Prida .. then send fax for the receiptes to be uploaded via the system
Wanted to go out running, but was so lost, fell on to the couch after eating and woke up around 12.
Getting lazy and stressed out about this Euro trip. Had sent out email to Vaughn regarding new possible dates. Have to wait for approval again before making the next move.
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