Friday, Apr 27 2012
End of week and almost the month of April.
Lazy day and the weather is getting colder with freez warning posted on the weather channel for the night. That kind of screws up motivation to go out and have some dance fun..... just the distance and thought of driving is overwhelming.
Maybe this week I will rest up and move in by the next. Tango top of the list with Caro coming back from her trip. only able to dream dancing with her now. hopfully will get to dance with her gentle sweetness.
got out of work around 3:15 and got my car inspection taken care off and then fixed the problem with some connecting at the left back wheel.
Kind of reminded how me and eva had a very close call, when the pin gave away on front wheel a few days after our trip. Had this happened during the trip, I am sure we would have not made it in this world. Not sure she realises how close we both came to extinction.
I am sure mirslov must have had the same kind of issue with his car.
ok for some vodka... almost finished half off the 1.7liter bottle... with one shot during weekends.. hmm.
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Apr 26 2012 , things seem to move
Thursday, Apr 26 2012
things seem to move at work, tomorrow there will be two people less on the team.. so not really interested in joing the sick lady at the lunch table and have my brains fried up.
things seem to move at work, tomorrow there will be two people less on the team.. so not really interested in joing the sick lady at the lunch table and have my brains fried up.
Apr 25, 2012
Wednesday, Apr 25, 2012
work drags on,
attended a online presenation secession. and bam it was 10pm
work drags on,
attended a online presenation secession. and bam it was 10pm
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Apr 24 2012, sleepy after night out
Tuesday, Apr 24
was feeling sleepy by afternoon. having a hard time trying to keep my eyes open. but now in a online class on presentation... lady seems to be stuck on stev jobs as her ideal.
well he was a good marketing man, not a great presenter. at least does not impress me.
was feeling sleepy by afternoon. having a hard time trying to keep my eyes open. but now in a online class on presentation... lady seems to be stuck on stev jobs as her ideal.
well he was a good marketing man, not a great presenter. at least does not impress me.
Apr 23 2012, meditation and dancing
Monday, Apr 23 2012
got up around 5am, reached work aroun 7:45
out at around 5pm reached downtown around 6 and was stuck in the middle of a traffic stoppage caused by a building on fire. anyway got to the meditation place by 6:30,,,,, then was in the middle of an intense and varied group discussion on the slokas (verses). was interesting to hear peoples take on things and how they related to the words..... and I was not having much to say and felt peoples eyes staring at me when ever there was silence and it was like they were expecting me to say something... hmm is it because I look like a buddhist monk and they instinctly expect me to say something wise.
when an aggressive old man brought up the topic of tailgating and people cutting you off and asking for other reaction, I was well in the game, as I was and have been trying to practice the transfer of good feelings towards people who I thought were doing something bad and was wishing them good and in turn felt good about thinking good thoughts about them.... it kind of stuck a chord among them.
got up around 5am, reached work aroun 7:45
out at around 5pm reached downtown around 6 and was stuck in the middle of a traffic stoppage caused by a building on fire. anyway got to the meditation place by 6:30,,,,, then was in the middle of an intense and varied group discussion on the slokas (verses). was interesting to hear peoples take on things and how they related to the words..... and I was not having much to say and felt peoples eyes staring at me when ever there was silence and it was like they were expecting me to say something... hmm is it because I look like a buddhist monk and they instinctly expect me to say something wise.
when an aggressive old man brought up the topic of tailgating and people cutting you off and asking for other reaction, I was well in the game, as I was and have been trying to practice the transfer of good feelings towards people who I thought were doing something bad and was wishing them good and in turn felt good about thinking good thoughts about them.... it kind of stuck a chord among them.
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Apr 22 2012, meditation
Sunday, Apr 22 2012
Got up early and reached the buddhist meditation place around 9:10 in downtown. ended up in the teachers training class and then after about 30 mins was told that the group sitting is in the other room.
It was nice, 3 hrs of intense meditation , not a word to anyone. just trying to focus and getting back when drifting off.
looks like the instability at work is affecting me. Bunch of bullshitting insincere people, trying to tell all kinds of lies to serve their own selfish agenda. They speak as thou the rest are fools.
Got up early and reached the buddhist meditation place around 9:10 in downtown. ended up in the teachers training class and then after about 30 mins was told that the group sitting is in the other room.
It was nice, 3 hrs of intense meditation , not a word to anyone. just trying to focus and getting back when drifting off.
looks like the instability at work is affecting me. Bunch of bullshitting insincere people, trying to tell all kinds of lies to serve their own selfish agenda. They speak as thou the rest are fools.
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Apr 21 2012 Saturday
Saturday, Apr 21 2012
Again another sad day after talking with parents.
Not sure how to make my dad happy. well again again he has proved that I am not worthy and he is fixated on my kid brother, who does not even care to make a call home.
What am I supposed to do.
ITs like a lost cause and yet here I am going back into the same old pattern of been the good son and trying to get them to be happy ... and when I call up all my mom says is. is it a.... my kid brother,,, its like they are always waiting for him to call. And as always ,,, no one cares about me.
Guess I am just destined to be the one no one cares about and foolish me keeps going out of my way trying to get people to like me.
Fk them all.
I have to keep reminding myself to just not care about the rest of the world and just to care about my own self..... thats the easiest and toughest part, I am just not the uncaring and selfish person, like many pampered single kid. single male or single female in the family. Selfish and self centered to the core.
Again mom was talking about some call she got from a lady whos daughter did her phd and is now working in the gulf. seems to have told mom that they could get me a job in the gulf along with her. yea ,,,hmmmm. need to ponder.
/////
Also realized that I am a sucker for nerdy gals. Fall easily for them.
Given my current emotional conditions, I could easily fall for any gal who would be even a bit nice nice and caring to me.
Almost fell flat for the neuro genious from Frans va at tango. must be fate that took her away on a trip or going by the kind and caring and encouraging way she was partnering up with me while learning and taking blame even for my goof ups and encouraging me thru, said tons about her.... hmmm wish I had someone like that permantly in my life who cared like that......
well I can hope and dream. thats for sure for free and no one can steal that from me as long as I have a working brain.
Wonder when she will be back
Again another sad day after talking with parents.
Not sure how to make my dad happy. well again again he has proved that I am not worthy and he is fixated on my kid brother, who does not even care to make a call home.
What am I supposed to do.
ITs like a lost cause and yet here I am going back into the same old pattern of been the good son and trying to get them to be happy ... and when I call up all my mom says is. is it a.... my kid brother,,, its like they are always waiting for him to call. And as always ,,, no one cares about me.
Guess I am just destined to be the one no one cares about and foolish me keeps going out of my way trying to get people to like me.
Fk them all.
I have to keep reminding myself to just not care about the rest of the world and just to care about my own self..... thats the easiest and toughest part, I am just not the uncaring and selfish person, like many pampered single kid. single male or single female in the family. Selfish and self centered to the core.
Again mom was talking about some call she got from a lady whos daughter did her phd and is now working in the gulf. seems to have told mom that they could get me a job in the gulf along with her. yea ,,,hmmmm. need to ponder.
/////
Also realized that I am a sucker for nerdy gals. Fall easily for them.
Given my current emotional conditions, I could easily fall for any gal who would be even a bit nice nice and caring to me.
Almost fell flat for the neuro genious from Frans va at tango. must be fate that took her away on a trip or going by the kind and caring and encouraging way she was partnering up with me while learning and taking blame even for my goof ups and encouraging me thru, said tons about her.... hmmm wish I had someone like that permantly in my life who cared like that......
well I can hope and dream. thats for sure for free and no one can steal that from me as long as I have a working brain.
Wonder when she will be back
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