Friday, Sep, 02, 2011
Ethics and its application has been revolving around in my head since yesterday.
Work ethic, of been punctual to work, attending meeting, completing assigned work on time and more seem to be done with a great deal of enthusiasm. So I was wondering why is it that I am finding it difficult to motivate myself to get up and going these past few days when not on any project.
Its not that I don't have stuff that I can work on improving myself.
Why the procrastination?
Why lack of energy and focus?
What can I do to over come this lethagy.
Used to try and wake up around 5am and then get my life moving. Not been able to do that the past few months. Whats happened? Is there something thats physical thats preventing me from been able to wake up with engery?
or
Is it something thats emotional?
What ever it is, I need to move in the right direction to be able to be independent financially and not having to depend on someone else. For that I need a safety net, which means I have miles to go before I can take a break and relax.
Want to be able to support parents in all possible way financially. They did a lot of things for me and sacrificed a lot for me. Its my turn to do things for them. And that requires a lot of finance.
Have to forget all that I lost financially as thinking about that will only make me emotionally weak.
So trying to motivate my self to focus on Ethics of working for my own self improvement and take advantage of all the opportunities that is at my door step. Have to try and get the few courses done for project management.
12:noon,, was able to complete one module, took the test with out evening going thru the course and got 82%.
hmmm either my IQ is really good or I am really lucky.
Have to go thru the course latter, just so that I can get my way of thinking oriented to what they are teaching in the course, in terms of management terminology.
Shaved the thick hair growth on my head, still have the mustache on. maybe after taking a couple of pics I will remove the mustache too.
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
~Buddha
yes its so easily shown in movies and TV that u can just say, I forgive and the anger is gone. But its lot of hard work and effort to forget some of the hurtful feeling left behind by lies and betrayal. mostly maybe cause of been so easily taken for granted and becoming a fool to the lies and deceit. Anger maybe because of not been smart enough to not know it, even after lots of experience.
But in the end its something we all need to overcome.
There is some understanding if my anger was due to my selfish self-centered requirements, like wanting a chocolate, ice-cream, or trying to manipulate someone to follow my requirements..... those are anger that is from cheap people. But my anger is from been so easily manipulated by such self centered people and at my own self for allowing such people to take me for a ride......
Great news of hope. Hopefully it works out soon. Tired of sitting at home for the past 2 months.
Friday, September 2, 2011
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Sep 01 2011, ABC - Ability, Break and Courage
Thursday Sep 01 2011,
ABC - Ability, Break and Courage that was a good quote to read.
Trying to cook the salmon curry, first salmon curry at this new apartment.
It was great connecting with a few people on Facebook and discus with them and find out that we have so many common way of thinking and opinions.
Was gald to head that Nar's moms come from India and now I am inspired to get mine too. But thats filled with so many question, starting from Visa and their willingness to come and having them travel half way across the world.
dreams, dreams, dreams.
let me use the laws of attraction to see if I can make it happen.....
hmmmmmm go to a happy place and then visualize all things I want perfectly happen.
Another great quote :
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
~Buddha
ABC - Ability, Break and Courage that was a good quote to read.
Trying to cook the salmon curry, first salmon curry at this new apartment.
It was great connecting with a few people on Facebook and discus with them and find out that we have so many common way of thinking and opinions.
Was gald to head that Nar's moms come from India and now I am inspired to get mine too. But thats filled with so many question, starting from Visa and their willingness to come and having them travel half way across the world.
dreams, dreams, dreams.
let me use the laws of attraction to see if I can make it happen.....
hmmmmmm go to a happy place and then visualize all things I want perfectly happen.
Another great quote :
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
~Buddha
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Aug 31 2011, end of month 8
Wednesday, Aug 31 2011
hmmm what a week, earth quake, hurricane, getting lost and stuck cause of flooding in the roads. talking with mom after the hurricane, cooking kapa and automatically having something great to eat. wow. There is a reason why they say, that some people are good cooks. Things they cook turn out to be good to eat. aww I think its just practice.
Borders going out of business and I have been going there almost every day to read some book or buy something at about 50% discount.
Anyways its good to know that I did not get drowned in the flood or loose anything.
Relatively this week seems to be calm, just like it was before the storm.
need to complete some more of the course, just not able to focus and do something productive. Makes me wonder do I have ADD.
Feeling low in confidence with each passing day and not having a job, living in a foreign country with no friends and family around, meaning no emotional support, when the feelings of low hits me.
What and where is my life taking me, the uncertainty of it all. Maybe that is something that everyone is going thru is some form or other in their life.
Been single is one of the good things that I am enjoying for quite long now. Kind of liking it that way, instead of having to put up with all the emotional drama and having to be responsible and committed to someone else. So much feeling of freedom.
almost 2am and yet to get anything moving positively, missed out on a good trade a few hrs ago. Well thats life, make choices as and when they are supposed to be made and live with the result. Accountability. :)
Wondering what the future of the world is going to be. is everything going to be motivated by hi-tech and touch screen, voice activation?
hmmm what a week, earth quake, hurricane, getting lost and stuck cause of flooding in the roads. talking with mom after the hurricane, cooking kapa and automatically having something great to eat. wow. There is a reason why they say, that some people are good cooks. Things they cook turn out to be good to eat. aww I think its just practice.
Borders going out of business and I have been going there almost every day to read some book or buy something at about 50% discount.
Anyways its good to know that I did not get drowned in the flood or loose anything.
Relatively this week seems to be calm, just like it was before the storm.
need to complete some more of the course, just not able to focus and do something productive. Makes me wonder do I have ADD.
Feeling low in confidence with each passing day and not having a job, living in a foreign country with no friends and family around, meaning no emotional support, when the feelings of low hits me.
What and where is my life taking me, the uncertainty of it all. Maybe that is something that everyone is going thru is some form or other in their life.
Been single is one of the good things that I am enjoying for quite long now. Kind of liking it that way, instead of having to put up with all the emotional drama and having to be responsible and committed to someone else. So much feeling of freedom.
almost 2am and yet to get anything moving positively, missed out on a good trade a few hrs ago. Well thats life, make choices as and when they are supposed to be made and live with the result. Accountability. :)
Wondering what the future of the world is going to be. is everything going to be motivated by hi-tech and touch screen, voice activation?
Friday, August 26, 2011
Aug 26 2011, Friday
Friday, Aug 26 2011
The whole of east coast is bracing up for Ierene the hurricane. How symbolic, that the crazy, destructive force of nature is been named with a female name. Goes on to show why most females are just like hurricanes---> unaccountable, destructive, selfish, self centered and crazy. hehehe never thought of that one before.
But it was so nice meeting and getting to dance with someone sweet, nice and a heart warming smile.
Her smile is so sweet,
That if she was my lover,
I would be the happiest man on earth,
Just the thought of waking up besides a beautiful smiling girl, brimming with warmth and kindness is making my heart go all fuzzy.
when she held the back on my head, like I was her baby, made me feel like the happiest man on earth.
wooooo what a feeling to wake up early morning to images of her smiling face revolving round in my head.
Afternoon : Got a call about an opening in India, suddenly feeling scared and brain is getting filled up with multiple questions and uncertainty.
One sad factor would be about my CAR, love my car, has been with me for the past 7 years traveled in US and Canada. So many memories we created. Guess this is the problem with me, get too sentimental and loyal to things and people I love and don't want to give up even thou it means lots of pain for me.
Sometimes I feel glad to know that my sense of loyalty and commitment is tested and proven to be strong as ever, unlike many that I see, who just see things without any sense of belonging and are cold and calculated like machines.
well will have many things to ship to India may be using the US postal service or maybe some shippers.
Then glad that Nar is buying a huge house, I could present him with most of my furniture.
Ahhhh how my heart is already in pain thinking about been separated from things that have been part of my life.
It was good to see all the pics on facebook of Cha and igo with all the new gals they got to make friends and victims of on a group outing to whistler. hehehe, atleast these gals are not playing dishonest games like eva played at Ossoyos.
What a fool I was. :) good learning exp to not be so naive and not to accept things people say. Because NOT what they say BUT what their actions are will be the full definition of their character.
What a bitch, she was, trying to blame Igo for what she lead him into and then again acting so innocent "why do guys just want to have sex with me"..... hehehe because you are a selfish bitch and when a guy loves you, you have only shown multiple times that you (including with your past ones) that you don't care for them. So naturally a guy who is focused on sex is only trying to protect his own heart and does not want the pain you would cause by your self centered behavior... guess this statement goes for many other girls too, including malini, gi, tam, lisa.....
In retrospect, had I also thought of this as a game and played it like a game, all these bitches would go around telling the same things about me and how men are like this and like that, rather than accepting any accountability on their part....
oh for been the sensitive guy. Well atleast now I know I am not and its driving a few people crazy and up the wall.
Want to have fun, then contact me.
Want to play emotional games, go find a poor, sweet, innocent guy and screw up his life.
hehehehe..
The whole of east coast is bracing up for Ierene the hurricane. How symbolic, that the crazy, destructive force of nature is been named with a female name. Goes on to show why most females are just like hurricanes---> unaccountable, destructive, selfish, self centered and crazy. hehehe never thought of that one before.
But it was so nice meeting and getting to dance with someone sweet, nice and a heart warming smile.
Her smile is so sweet,
That if she was my lover,
I would be the happiest man on earth,
Just the thought of waking up besides a beautiful smiling girl, brimming with warmth and kindness is making my heart go all fuzzy.
when she held the back on my head, like I was her baby, made me feel like the happiest man on earth.
wooooo what a feeling to wake up early morning to images of her smiling face revolving round in my head.
Afternoon : Got a call about an opening in India, suddenly feeling scared and brain is getting filled up with multiple questions and uncertainty.
One sad factor would be about my CAR, love my car, has been with me for the past 7 years traveled in US and Canada. So many memories we created. Guess this is the problem with me, get too sentimental and loyal to things and people I love and don't want to give up even thou it means lots of pain for me.
Sometimes I feel glad to know that my sense of loyalty and commitment is tested and proven to be strong as ever, unlike many that I see, who just see things without any sense of belonging and are cold and calculated like machines.
well will have many things to ship to India may be using the US postal service or maybe some shippers.
Then glad that Nar is buying a huge house, I could present him with most of my furniture.
Ahhhh how my heart is already in pain thinking about been separated from things that have been part of my life.
It was good to see all the pics on facebook of Cha and igo with all the new gals they got to make friends and victims of on a group outing to whistler. hehehe, atleast these gals are not playing dishonest games like eva played at Ossoyos.
What a fool I was. :) good learning exp to not be so naive and not to accept things people say. Because NOT what they say BUT what their actions are will be the full definition of their character.
What a bitch, she was, trying to blame Igo for what she lead him into and then again acting so innocent "why do guys just want to have sex with me"..... hehehe because you are a selfish bitch and when a guy loves you, you have only shown multiple times that you (including with your past ones) that you don't care for them. So naturally a guy who is focused on sex is only trying to protect his own heart and does not want the pain you would cause by your self centered behavior... guess this statement goes for many other girls too, including malini, gi, tam, lisa.....
In retrospect, had I also thought of this as a game and played it like a game, all these bitches would go around telling the same things about me and how men are like this and like that, rather than accepting any accountability on their part....
oh for been the sensitive guy. Well atleast now I know I am not and its driving a few people crazy and up the wall.
Want to have fun, then contact me.
Want to play emotional games, go find a poor, sweet, innocent guy and screw up his life.
hehehehe..
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Aug 23 2011, Earth Quake
Tuesday, Aug 23 2011
Got up early with a purpose of getting things done and then had the online class around 12 on Communication.
Got washing my cloths and in between got going with my breakfast. Multitasking.
Suddenly around 1:50pm the whole apt seemed to shake. I was pissed off that someone in the top apartment was running, maybe someone who was too over weight and was behaving in a very irresponsible manner.
Could see even the curtains shaking. The building was close to falling down with another jump from that person.
Then after sometime got to know on CNBC that there was a minor earth quake, with epi-center in Virginia.
Holly cow, tried to call Anl. Av and naraya, for some reason the calls would not go thru. It was kind of like the 9/11 scenario after the towers fell. no cell phone working.
Then after a few more tries was able to get to them one by one. It was funny how av in the west coast laughed saying that 5.9 kind of earth quake is something they have almost every day. hmmmm h
It was funny to hear the news on CNBC how they were evacuating the building 30 mins after the earth quake hit.
And that they were evacuating the pentagon because some water line broke there. I thought that the pent would be having a stronger structure than the normal buildings here.
Got up early with a purpose of getting things done and then had the online class around 12 on Communication.
Got washing my cloths and in between got going with my breakfast. Multitasking.
Suddenly around 1:50pm the whole apt seemed to shake. I was pissed off that someone in the top apartment was running, maybe someone who was too over weight and was behaving in a very irresponsible manner.
Could see even the curtains shaking. The building was close to falling down with another jump from that person.
Then after sometime got to know on CNBC that there was a minor earth quake, with epi-center in Virginia.
Holly cow, tried to call Anl. Av and naraya, for some reason the calls would not go thru. It was kind of like the 9/11 scenario after the towers fell. no cell phone working.
Then after a few more tries was able to get to them one by one. It was funny how av in the west coast laughed saying that 5.9 kind of earth quake is something they have almost every day. hmmmm h
It was funny to hear the news on CNBC how they were evacuating the building 30 mins after the earth quake hit.
And that they were evacuating the pentagon because some water line broke there. I thought that the pent would be having a stronger structure than the normal buildings here.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Aug 21 2011 Sunday
Sunday, Aug 21 2011
It was very very very nice talking with Dad, ended up giving him some suggestion/advice on happiness and about how we can only do somethings in our control and that we cannot control others and their selfish intentions and mentality.
We have to just let them go and live our own life and find happiness in the things we do to live our life. Because of his own un-happiness and expectation from my kid brother, he ends up been unhappy and in turn increases the unhappiness of my mom and then the whole house is unhappy and in the process causing problems to his own health.
Life is not worth wasting thinking about people and trying to change their selfish behavior. They will not change, they will only make us look more guilty and blame us for their anger and interfering in their selfish objectives.
Hope he understood what I was trying to tell him. But it was a good heart to heart talk after a very long time.
Was a great hike, and it was great to see one of the guys on the hike saving a little baby turtle that got stuck in an abandoned fishing rod. poor thing was struggling to free itself, god only knows for how long.
Then went to princeton Uni museum , it was a good learning exp on ancient cultures.
After that we all went to indian restaurant cross culture.
got back home tired and watched the brazil portugal football world cup final for under 20.
Now the big Q, should I got for todays hike,,, cloudy skies, might as well go.
It was very very very nice talking with Dad, ended up giving him some suggestion/advice on happiness and about how we can only do somethings in our control and that we cannot control others and their selfish intentions and mentality.
We have to just let them go and live our own life and find happiness in the things we do to live our life. Because of his own un-happiness and expectation from my kid brother, he ends up been unhappy and in turn increases the unhappiness of my mom and then the whole house is unhappy and in the process causing problems to his own health.
Life is not worth wasting thinking about people and trying to change their selfish behavior. They will not change, they will only make us look more guilty and blame us for their anger and interfering in their selfish objectives.
Hope he understood what I was trying to tell him. But it was a good heart to heart talk after a very long time.
Was a great hike, and it was great to see one of the guys on the hike saving a little baby turtle that got stuck in an abandoned fishing rod. poor thing was struggling to free itself, god only knows for how long.
Then went to princeton Uni museum , it was a good learning exp on ancient cultures.
After that we all went to indian restaurant cross culture.
got back home tired and watched the brazil portugal football world cup final for under 20.
Now the big Q, should I got for todays hike,,, cloudy skies, might as well go.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Aug 19, 2011, Friday, Weekend
Friday, Aug 19, 2011.
ITs weekend, and so much to write.. will try writing it in parts.
Trying to re-organize my life, trying to get the some good energy flowing in my apt. Just read and got the book with Feng shui on the different adjustments that can be done at home, more like vasthu in the indian context.
Just got my first fish burger from Costco and it seems to be ok. not sure about it full benefits as opposed to the salmon curry I make.
five days of 7:30pm to 10:30 pm of webinars have been exhausting.
Hopefully by next week there will be more stability in my life.
hope I can go to Princeton university museum tomorrow. Always a very good learning exp for me about the past of our world at the museums .
Would be nice to meet someone who has similar inclination to share life with.
ITs weekend, and so much to write.. will try writing it in parts.
Trying to re-organize my life, trying to get the some good energy flowing in my apt. Just read and got the book with Feng shui on the different adjustments that can be done at home, more like vasthu in the indian context.
Just got my first fish burger from Costco and it seems to be ok. not sure about it full benefits as opposed to the salmon curry I make.
five days of 7:30pm to 10:30 pm of webinars have been exhausting.
Hopefully by next week there will be more stability in my life.
hope I can go to Princeton university museum tomorrow. Always a very good learning exp for me about the past of our world at the museums .
Would be nice to meet someone who has similar inclination to share life with.
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