Thursday Jun-10-2010
=================
Woke up @ 5am. but out of bed by only 5:30 was feeling tired physically and it felt a bit cold. So did not feel like gettig out of the blanket. Hmmm warmth is so comforting. Warmth of heart, feeling, love, cuddling, hugging a loved one, And very addictive too.
Get out of the house by 6:45am,, cross the 1st railway gate before the train came. I wanted to beat that from yesterdays time. But got stuck at the second one. There are 3 railway track I need to cross to reach work. And I cross one of them two times, got stuck when crossing 2nd time. So i need to start out 5 more mins in advance.
Again got the same parking spot today near to the office door. :)
There were fewer people today, looks like every one must be feeling like staying on in bed or is this the Thursday almost weekend affect.
WEll its foggy outside and feels like I am in Vancouver during december. And its supposed to be Summer here. hehehehe... life is so full of natural twists and turns. So its just natural that I and we all in the world have it our personal life too. Gloomy days will pass and bright sunny days will come too.
7:00am on to the conf call with Kolkota... hehehe as usual the Indian guys come in at 7:11am. The people in Kolkota seem to be filled up with Smokers. Every guy from Bengal here on the project seems to be smoker. Some of the don't drink at all, just smoke. Like its part of their culture. Residual effects of Communism.
Kriss is not on the call as he seemed to have worked late into the night yesterday.
The mood today was lighter with Kannan joining the call. I was able to make a few jokes and people seemed to relax and talk moved to people taking long leave for their sisters marriage. Naturally I said, that is the time Indians can go and scope out potential partner to marry. hehehe. All the guys and girls come there dressed to impress and if some one wants to know who is married and who is available for marriage, this the favourite location for them to check each other out.
Then the topic moved to about too many people resigning as the office was moved to the New Calcutta office. Which was like about 2 hr to get in and aobut 2 to 3 hrs to get out in the evening traffic. No restaurant for about 16 kms. And in addition to that they are close to a group of leather factories and the smell around the area is unbearable. so naturally when people get better opportunities in the city, they will easily resign and move away. The companies label helps to get easier jobs.
Discussion is back to Technical. And I am blogging
7:45am seems like the call is winding down.
Put in a couple of replies to Evas blog discussion. That is something I really miss having with her. The daily talks and disscussion on philosophy , pshycology. She does not seem to analyse much, but seems to be able to make me analyse and think deeper about subjects.
7:50am The kolkota people dropped of the call. The indian guys in US seem to be surprised that I came in at 7am. They are all just waking up like typical lazy indians. The told them about the CTI call flow doc that I was preparing to make it easier for the Girl Shewta, in Bangalore who will be supporting me. So they wanted to know how it works too. So I told them that I can give them a demo today after they come to office for work.
I am having most of my food at home now and seem to be spending less money outside. Yeaa thats a good sign.
I still have not got paid for the two weeks I worked in NY. I think I need to go to the labour dept and complain about them. After spending all the money on daily hotel stay and about $1000 on the flight. Will send them a mail today or tomorrow and then compile the documents and go to the labour dept and file the complaint. And just have to let it take its own turn from there.
Just saw Evas new post on her india blog. Reminded me about the mango I brought at the Indian store (indian mangoes) and at costco (manoges from South america). SWEET.
But my fav is still the Jack fruit. The ones freshly grown at home. Not the ones that we get at the shops, that are not ripened naturally. Every part of the Jack fruit is used for so many things. Even the seeds are used in curries and eaten fried. Then as Kerala tradition goes they make chips out of almost everything. The coconut oil I am told thou has lots of fat in it. Its Good fat, not the transfat in other oils.
Wish more Indian had the opportunities of AISEC, envey people like eva as they can easily afford the $400 fees and flight tickets. Something only the very rich and affulent in India can afford.
Even sadeep hesitated after he got to know that fee. Even thou he is among the people who can afford it.
Stark contridictions on opportunities. I would not have been able to even dream of going to other countries thru organizations like AISEC. Beena sent her son to Italy thru AFC or ACF, well she is among the Rich, Well to do families in Chennai.
Eva would have had more grounding moments in her Indian experience had she been in contact with the poorer people. But most of the people she is in contact with and seem to hang out with seems to be like the Elite Rich and well to do people. That is the upper 20 percent of the population of India, not the real India.
the other 80 percent would tell her a very different story and experience and then she would probably know more and feel more about life and its darker realities and relatively know, how fortunate she and many people like her are. And the she will know why people in India think that foreigners are all rich people.
11:40 time to head off for lunch and be back soon to give the guys a demo of the call center, in the WAR ROOM ;) hehehe sounds so high Military like.
12:25 finish off with heating and eating. next got to try cooking some Veggie curries.
POA (Plan Of Action) today evening, cleaning up the house. And then tomorrow prepare the Veggie curry. Maybe I will start by cutting the veggies and other things together tonite before going for a run.
Get to office by 1pm. And see that there is a meeting scheduled with the chines gal Li for 3pm. So get busy with the documentation and laying the foundation for my development work.
3pm was trying to find the meeting room and saw george and Li coming, so we all go to the War room. Find that she is an employee of the client and is a web developer. She is very sweet. Will be coordinating the moc pop work with her. Chinese girls in US are really sweet, not like the aggressive angry ones in Cananda
Show her the demo screen pop and what happens at my end.
4:30 rush off to the training. Get to do some hands on stuff on Analytics.
6:30 get back home, drop off Raj on the way.
now its about 8:30 will mediate for a few and head off for a run and some light work out at the gym.
How my life has changed. Got to call up Malini and ask her about Saturdays hike. As its closer to her house.
Go for a smaller run and then bike for about 45 mins. get back home and see a msg from Malini. Nice connection, she was thinking of going out dancing with me on saturday. Tell her that I am going out dancing on Friday and then maybe hiking on saturday.
She is having a wine (Vino) party ;) ahhh I hardly know anything about the specifics of wine, I just drink it. Not as sophisticate as she is. I am impressed that she went o Rishi Valley, one of the best Boarding schools in India. No wonder she is so well rounded and informed in so many subjects and able to hold herself, even with all the attention she is easily getting from all the guys around her.
time to go to bed... seems like one of the better days spent with lot of productive work done. just that I got a mail from the Department of motor Vehicles that they are giving me 4 points for the over speeding and if I get 6 points I am in deep trouble. So have to drive around carefully now. Extra carefully. :)(
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
DMV Registeration Tag
Wednesday Jun-09-2010
++++++++++++++++++
Woke up early 5am and did some work out.
Was feeling emotionally tired and giving up with all the hurdles that seem to come up at every step.
Even thou I wanted to go for a run yesterday evening, was not able to motivate myself.
Will be going early morning around 9am to the registration or by afternoon. Hope to atleast get a registeration of the Car in PA state. As my registeration in Canada has come to an end last month, did not realize it. Only yesterday got to know it.
New day, new hope and maybe life and things around me would improve.
7:00am Got to work in record time to log on to the India conf call.
Kris and Raj seemed to be surprised as they are just waking up. And as usual the Indian team in kolkota got in 10 mins late with Diman.
gave a compile for local object. seems to work ok. need to set up local.
7:30 and the meeting is still going on. Supposed to have been over. :)
just realised that I forgot my cell phone at home. Not able to check person mail at work. ah well life goes on.
The stock market seems to be playing swing up and swing down. wonder if I will ever be able to atleast recover all my losses.
7:40 the meeting is still going on with more confusion about technical details. This is just like the long distance relationship. Only more confusion. Thats why it would be easier if people are together and able to communicate face to face. The distance causes more confusion rather than any understanding or solution.
7:50 am atlast the conf is over. With each going back wondering what did the other say and how is it they are seeing something diff and we are seeing something different.
now back to my own tracking of issues and time sheet problems :)
Around 8 am there is a sudden pain in my stomach. As though a knife is coming out of my stomach. No one around in the office. Scary. Drink some water and hoping it will cool down. Atleast there is good insurace coverage in US by the company.
11:30 am head out, it was nice and sunny outside.
go to Jack the other DMV a few miles away and ask the lady there for info. to see if its different from what Jorge at Fazio said. She gave me detailed info about the docs from customs and seemed to be very rigid on the documentation.
Go home heat up the chicken curry and rice and have a heartly meal.
Look out side to see its now rainning heavily. what a sudden change in climate.
Get all the documents for the DMV together and go to Fazio. Give the docs to the gal there who incidently looked like eva and did not seem to know what to do. As the guy Jorge who did it yesterday was busy with another hot looking customer. She was getting frustrated and angry that Jorge was focusing on that hot chick.
I did not say anything, Jorge then told her just enter the form as you usually do and fill it up.
Waited patiently for her to finish her entry and her to cool off. Was thinking of complimenting her but looking at the angry mood that she was in did not feel like.
Then she asked for two different check, 58.50 for Pendot and 38 for her company Fazio.
So atleast was able to get to apply for the registration.
Now to wait for 2 to 3 weeks before they call me or for me to check up.
Get to work and not able to find parking anywhere. In the morning it was parking right by the door. such is life. And with the rain pouring outside had to make a run for the door to the steps.
Reach desk by 1:45pm and then head for meeting 2 to 3. Get to know that the MOC - pop project is on and so I will have some work to do. get to know that Li Wang will be also working on this, got to see if she is going to steal my job or we end up becoming a good team to work together. Atleast from the mails she seemed down to earth and wanting to know more. fingers crossed there.
upto 4:30 spend time in the war room checking out the CTI config and creating document of the call flow.
4:30 to 5:30 Analytics training.
Also got mail saying that my Manager training for the week end has been canceled due to not many people signing up for the program in New Jersey.
Might as well send in a request for the 25th June.
Get back home around 7 (12hrs at work) and start cleaning up and organizing.Sent a reply to Eva. She is just stressing her self thinking that I am trying to force her. I am not interested in forcing someone to come and stay with me. If at all I want her, I want her to come because she wants it, not just because I want it.
That way I want so many things. And so does everyone in the world.
If we deserve it we get it. If not, thats life. :)
And who knows things could get better for me. POSITIVE RE-AFFIRMATION
Maybe someone does not want me to be the most fortunate man or someone is protecting me.
Only time will tell.
8pm went out for a 3 km run finished in 10 mins. Went to the Gym in the complex and started cycling. Did two different types of cycles upto 9:30pm.
Got back home and had the chicken curry and chapathi (roti). In between got a call from AV who is now in Los Angles. Now like me he is working for an indian company and seems to be pissed off working with the Indian coming from India with the Indian attitude. Poor guy has his family in the Sanfrancisco area and he keeps flying in and out during weekends. Atleast the company is paying him for that.
10:45 now time to head to bed.
++++++++++++++++++
Woke up early 5am and did some work out.
Was feeling emotionally tired and giving up with all the hurdles that seem to come up at every step.
Even thou I wanted to go for a run yesterday evening, was not able to motivate myself.
Will be going early morning around 9am to the registration or by afternoon. Hope to atleast get a registeration of the Car in PA state. As my registeration in Canada has come to an end last month, did not realize it. Only yesterday got to know it.
New day, new hope and maybe life and things around me would improve.
7:00am Got to work in record time to log on to the India conf call.
Kris and Raj seemed to be surprised as they are just waking up. And as usual the Indian team in kolkota got in 10 mins late with Diman.
gave a compile for local object. seems to work ok. need to set up local.
7:30 and the meeting is still going on. Supposed to have been over. :)
just realised that I forgot my cell phone at home. Not able to check person mail at work. ah well life goes on.
The stock market seems to be playing swing up and swing down. wonder if I will ever be able to atleast recover all my losses.
7:40 the meeting is still going on with more confusion about technical details. This is just like the long distance relationship. Only more confusion. Thats why it would be easier if people are together and able to communicate face to face. The distance causes more confusion rather than any understanding or solution.
7:50 am atlast the conf is over. With each going back wondering what did the other say and how is it they are seeing something diff and we are seeing something different.
now back to my own tracking of issues and time sheet problems :)
Around 8 am there is a sudden pain in my stomach. As though a knife is coming out of my stomach. No one around in the office. Scary. Drink some water and hoping it will cool down. Atleast there is good insurace coverage in US by the company.
11:30 am head out, it was nice and sunny outside.
go to Jack the other DMV a few miles away and ask the lady there for info. to see if its different from what Jorge at Fazio said. She gave me detailed info about the docs from customs and seemed to be very rigid on the documentation.
Go home heat up the chicken curry and rice and have a heartly meal.
Look out side to see its now rainning heavily. what a sudden change in climate.
Get all the documents for the DMV together and go to Fazio. Give the docs to the gal there who incidently looked like eva and did not seem to know what to do. As the guy Jorge who did it yesterday was busy with another hot looking customer. She was getting frustrated and angry that Jorge was focusing on that hot chick.
I did not say anything, Jorge then told her just enter the form as you usually do and fill it up.
Waited patiently for her to finish her entry and her to cool off. Was thinking of complimenting her but looking at the angry mood that she was in did not feel like.
Then she asked for two different check, 58.50 for Pendot and 38 for her company Fazio.
So atleast was able to get to apply for the registration.
Now to wait for 2 to 3 weeks before they call me or for me to check up.
Get to work and not able to find parking anywhere. In the morning it was parking right by the door. such is life. And with the rain pouring outside had to make a run for the door to the steps.
Reach desk by 1:45pm and then head for meeting 2 to 3. Get to know that the MOC - pop project is on and so I will have some work to do. get to know that Li Wang will be also working on this, got to see if she is going to steal my job or we end up becoming a good team to work together. Atleast from the mails she seemed down to earth and wanting to know more. fingers crossed there.
upto 4:30 spend time in the war room checking out the CTI config and creating document of the call flow.
4:30 to 5:30 Analytics training.
Also got mail saying that my Manager training for the week end has been canceled due to not many people signing up for the program in New Jersey.
Might as well send in a request for the 25th June.
Get back home around 7 (12hrs at work) and start cleaning up and organizing.Sent a reply to Eva. She is just stressing her self thinking that I am trying to force her. I am not interested in forcing someone to come and stay with me. If at all I want her, I want her to come because she wants it, not just because I want it.
That way I want so many things. And so does everyone in the world.
If we deserve it we get it. If not, thats life. :)
And who knows things could get better for me. POSITIVE RE-AFFIRMATION
Maybe someone does not want me to be the most fortunate man or someone is protecting me.
Only time will tell.
8pm went out for a 3 km run finished in 10 mins. Went to the Gym in the complex and started cycling. Did two different types of cycles upto 9:30pm.
Got back home and had the chicken curry and chapathi (roti). In between got a call from AV who is now in Los Angles. Now like me he is working for an indian company and seems to be pissed off working with the Indian coming from India with the Indian attitude. Poor guy has his family in the Sanfrancisco area and he keeps flying in and out during weekends. Atleast the company is paying him for that.
10:45 now time to head to bed.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Seems nice day
Tuesday Jun-08-2010
-----------------------------------
Woke up early around 5:30am. After morning wash room stuff. I try to blog and see that Eva has a sweet touching write up on her blog.
It was refreshing to see her talk like a caring team player.
I got my Philly Drivers licence , at last after making 3 attempts. If something like that can happen in a fully developed country like US then only dread to think what would have been my situation in India. Would have had to bribe a series of officials to get things done.
And I am not that great a fan of taking bribes or giving bribes and don't want to support the institution of bribing. Its so disgusting that people take advantage of the troubles in other peoples lives. One of the sickest things.
I don't want to contribute to the demand, Only where there is demand is there some kind of supply.
Same with all kinds of illegal substances, prostitution, smuggled goods, plastic industry, PUC,,,,,,
Well time to focus on the good things and positive things in the morning. And get my mind organised for the next Visit to get the Registration of my Car to the Pennsylvania State, from the Canadian , BC one.
That is my next phase of hopefully, with not much struggle. Its such a unknown area. And these Government guys can say and tell anything and for sometime they are like gods and we are like some slaughter house cattle's.
Time to move.
7:00 am... as usual starts off at 7:10am... And what a blow up, Indians in Kolkata and Indians in US arguing about some format and the indians in Kolkata are pissed off that the US Indians escalated some issue with their managers. The Indians in US are pissed off that the Kolkata people are not taking any responsibility for their commitments to dates and for not doing things on time..... ahhh
Sense of Accountability is such a huge thing.
All over the world that sense of accountability and commitment for ones actions drive everything. Be relationships, family, friends, at work, on the road, when walking and in everything we do.
The meeting seems to be getting more aggressive. Lucky I am not that much into it and my area is all mine. :)
I see Martha, E's mom on skype and send her a greeting. Not sure what she thinks of me. But I am kind of pissed of at her a bit because of ignoring Eva during her formative years. The time a girl needs her mom the most.
She is a very nice lady with a great sense of energy and liveliness. She are lubo are like me and Eva in the opposite way. She is very practical in her thinking and very analytical like all Engineers. And Eva is more like her dad in many aspects.
7:30 am , meeting still going on. with lots of undercurrent of anger. Kriss of the US Indian team seems to be in a very bad mood today. Maybe its because his wife and kids went to India on a vacation and he must be feeling lonely and missing them and seems to be sucidal to the effect of wanting to be fired and get back to India.
Well it feels like too much negative engergy floating around today.
Atleast I got my modified SSN , modified with my name. yeaaaaa at last.
That was another series of running around I had to do to all the Government offices, between DMV, and social Security. Just because my long name does not fit into their name field of their computer system.
Why is it that I am punished because of my name. Well if not that there maybe something more bad. So I rather settle for this one. And one by one the issues seem to be getting resolved with the move. And its been almost 3 months.
Last thing to do, take care of the registeration of my car today afternoon, keeping fingers crossed for things to move smoothly.
See Niliesh online after a very long time on google chat.
7:45am and now they are still talking about the ego clash issues because of escalating to higher managers.
I think I need to start doing something more positive and visible at work.
Nilesh was talking about Arranged marriage, no expectations with full responsibility. thats a nice way to put it. And that married people have no time for anything and life is full and fullfilling... so true,
""so you will be 110% occupied at same time you will get some goal in life to achieve and thats where you always found busy and have meaning to life""
And I wished that Eva would have been part of my life to experience that together.
If only she knew that she was the only one I really thought seriously about having a family and kids with.....
Wondering should I send her the reply or no. Do people we are in love with deserve to know what we are feeling towards them.
What if this was the last day of my life, would i want to tell her and explain to her about what I think. hmmm feels like it. Well right now at work so cannot send personal mail. Have to be from home.
8:00am,, call gets over with the Indian manager Diman, talking with the people here in US and trying to calmly talk and compromising. After he explained and communicated, the people here also felt a sympathy towards him and then they seem to understand each other better and feel more friendly than aggressive... Atlast some positive movement.
Communication the key to all possible issues between people in the world.
Even if it means sitting with a angry person. But the angry person should be open to listening and not have a block. Where there is a will there is a way.
Great news, I just got approval for Managers training thats on Friday 11th. For a full day secession in New Jersey. Waiting for details of the training. Aww some line of hope and positivity. cheers and yahoo. :) :) :) :) :)
8:35am,, always used to wonder how come one person can fall so deeply in love with someone and the other person does not even seem to know or care. Now I know it is possible for one person like me to. And the other person can just choose to ignore them and their feeling totally. Have a wall up to such an exten that they are not even aware and able to see the beauty of love.
Lost are they in the blinding colors of their own illusions and superficiality.
They could never even know the diamond in their hands from a dry stone.
Will the diamond thats thrown away into the wide world be disconvered
Or will it just sink into the depth of the ocean, forever lost covered in sand.
Remains to be seen if it gets discovered before its thrown
Or Will it fall into deserving hands that could shape it to perfection.
Did I think she was a diamond. yes
And a diamond that needed to be scrubbed, cut, turned and polished with experience.
I did my bit of trying to clean up the dirt and cobwebs
What her experience does to her and her choices, remains to be see
hope that experience does not break her sense of moral life and sincere behavior
Hope she does not loose value for other peoples sentiments and sympathies.
knew her potential then and even now proud.
Just wished I was there the whole way and process.
And wished that she would have done the same for me.
11:30am After working on trying to find what the issue was since yesterday to log on to Test5 got to talk with George and figured out that its pointing to Prod. So sent a msg to matt from UK and he came up to change the VESP.IMP file to point to the right Sieb url.
got to go for the Car registeration.
12:15 head out to home, have lunch, chicken curry and rice. tastes yummy like grand moms.
Then take all the import docs and Canadian Insurance docs to the registertion office.
There the guy is not sure how to process the US car retruning from Canada. And he wanted the title. But the title was already taken by the people in Canada for their registeration in BC. And all they gave me was the insurance papers.
After asking for documents one after the other and my Pennsylvania liscence, he is still not sure what to do.
And then says, you need to go to Harrisburg as it will take about 4 weeks for it to get processed here. Harrisburg is the capital of Pennsylvania.
Its about 100 plus miles and 2 hrs drive from my place. Ahhhhh
Well I am not sure if I want to go all the way to Harrisburg. Might as wel go to another shop and see if they can give me any.
Evas friend jose only has issues with his registeration. I am having issues with everything and anything I seem to touch.
1) for Licence
2) for Social secrutity
3) with the movers
4) for getting the insurance.
5) now the car registeration
All this because non of these people seem to have handled a canadian move before and all are scared to make the mistake and get caught in some kind of fake business.
Well given the way people are turning up as people with bad intentions towards this country all over, it is understandable. But when will my series of frustrations at these delays and extra work needed for each and everything that I am trying to change ever end.
Now i really need someone to hug me and console me
-----------------------------------
Woke up early around 5:30am. After morning wash room stuff. I try to blog and see that Eva has a sweet touching write up on her blog.
It was refreshing to see her talk like a caring team player.
I got my Philly Drivers licence , at last after making 3 attempts. If something like that can happen in a fully developed country like US then only dread to think what would have been my situation in India. Would have had to bribe a series of officials to get things done.
And I am not that great a fan of taking bribes or giving bribes and don't want to support the institution of bribing. Its so disgusting that people take advantage of the troubles in other peoples lives. One of the sickest things.
I don't want to contribute to the demand, Only where there is demand is there some kind of supply.
Same with all kinds of illegal substances, prostitution, smuggled goods, plastic industry, PUC,,,,,,
Well time to focus on the good things and positive things in the morning. And get my mind organised for the next Visit to get the Registration of my Car to the Pennsylvania State, from the Canadian , BC one.
That is my next phase of hopefully, with not much struggle. Its such a unknown area. And these Government guys can say and tell anything and for sometime they are like gods and we are like some slaughter house cattle's.
Time to move.
7:00 am... as usual starts off at 7:10am... And what a blow up, Indians in Kolkata and Indians in US arguing about some format and the indians in Kolkata are pissed off that the US Indians escalated some issue with their managers. The Indians in US are pissed off that the Kolkata people are not taking any responsibility for their commitments to dates and for not doing things on time..... ahhh
Sense of Accountability is such a huge thing.
All over the world that sense of accountability and commitment for ones actions drive everything. Be relationships, family, friends, at work, on the road, when walking and in everything we do.
The meeting seems to be getting more aggressive. Lucky I am not that much into it and my area is all mine. :)
I see Martha, E's mom on skype and send her a greeting. Not sure what she thinks of me. But I am kind of pissed of at her a bit because of ignoring Eva during her formative years. The time a girl needs her mom the most.
She is a very nice lady with a great sense of energy and liveliness. She are lubo are like me and Eva in the opposite way. She is very practical in her thinking and very analytical like all Engineers. And Eva is more like her dad in many aspects.
7:30 am , meeting still going on. with lots of undercurrent of anger. Kriss of the US Indian team seems to be in a very bad mood today. Maybe its because his wife and kids went to India on a vacation and he must be feeling lonely and missing them and seems to be sucidal to the effect of wanting to be fired and get back to India.
Well it feels like too much negative engergy floating around today.
Atleast I got my modified SSN , modified with my name. yeaaaaa at last.
That was another series of running around I had to do to all the Government offices, between DMV, and social Security. Just because my long name does not fit into their name field of their computer system.
Why is it that I am punished because of my name. Well if not that there maybe something more bad. So I rather settle for this one. And one by one the issues seem to be getting resolved with the move. And its been almost 3 months.
Last thing to do, take care of the registeration of my car today afternoon, keeping fingers crossed for things to move smoothly.
See Niliesh online after a very long time on google chat.
7:45am and now they are still talking about the ego clash issues because of escalating to higher managers.
I think I need to start doing something more positive and visible at work.
Nilesh was talking about Arranged marriage, no expectations with full responsibility. thats a nice way to put it. And that married people have no time for anything and life is full and fullfilling... so true,
""so you will be 110% occupied at same time you will get some goal in life to achieve and thats where you always found busy and have meaning to life""
And I wished that Eva would have been part of my life to experience that together.
If only she knew that she was the only one I really thought seriously about having a family and kids with.....
Wondering should I send her the reply or no. Do people we are in love with deserve to know what we are feeling towards them.
What if this was the last day of my life, would i want to tell her and explain to her about what I think. hmmm feels like it. Well right now at work so cannot send personal mail. Have to be from home.
8:00am,, call gets over with the Indian manager Diman, talking with the people here in US and trying to calmly talk and compromising. After he explained and communicated, the people here also felt a sympathy towards him and then they seem to understand each other better and feel more friendly than aggressive... Atlast some positive movement.
Communication the key to all possible issues between people in the world.
Even if it means sitting with a angry person. But the angry person should be open to listening and not have a block. Where there is a will there is a way.
Great news, I just got approval for Managers training thats on Friday 11th. For a full day secession in New Jersey. Waiting for details of the training. Aww some line of hope and positivity. cheers and yahoo. :) :) :) :) :)
8:35am,, always used to wonder how come one person can fall so deeply in love with someone and the other person does not even seem to know or care. Now I know it is possible for one person like me to. And the other person can just choose to ignore them and their feeling totally. Have a wall up to such an exten that they are not even aware and able to see the beauty of love.
Lost are they in the blinding colors of their own illusions and superficiality.
They could never even know the diamond in their hands from a dry stone.
Will the diamond thats thrown away into the wide world be disconvered
Or will it just sink into the depth of the ocean, forever lost covered in sand.
Remains to be seen if it gets discovered before its thrown
Or Will it fall into deserving hands that could shape it to perfection.
Did I think she was a diamond. yes
And a diamond that needed to be scrubbed, cut, turned and polished with experience.
I did my bit of trying to clean up the dirt and cobwebs
What her experience does to her and her choices, remains to be see
hope that experience does not break her sense of moral life and sincere behavior
Hope she does not loose value for other peoples sentiments and sympathies.
knew her potential then and even now proud.
Just wished I was there the whole way and process.
And wished that she would have done the same for me.
11:30am After working on trying to find what the issue was since yesterday to log on to Test5 got to talk with George and figured out that its pointing to Prod. So sent a msg to matt from UK and he came up to change the VESP.IMP file to point to the right Sieb url.
got to go for the Car registeration.
12:15 head out to home, have lunch, chicken curry and rice. tastes yummy like grand moms.
Then take all the import docs and Canadian Insurance docs to the registertion office.
There the guy is not sure how to process the US car retruning from Canada. And he wanted the title. But the title was already taken by the people in Canada for their registeration in BC. And all they gave me was the insurance papers.
After asking for documents one after the other and my Pennsylvania liscence, he is still not sure what to do.
And then says, you need to go to Harrisburg as it will take about 4 weeks for it to get processed here. Harrisburg is the capital of Pennsylvania.
Its about 100 plus miles and 2 hrs drive from my place. Ahhhhh
Well I am not sure if I want to go all the way to Harrisburg. Might as wel go to another shop and see if they can give me any.
Evas friend jose only has issues with his registeration. I am having issues with everything and anything I seem to touch.
1) for Licence
2) for Social secrutity
3) with the movers
4) for getting the insurance.
5) now the car registeration
All this because non of these people seem to have handled a canadian move before and all are scared to make the mistake and get caught in some kind of fake business.
Well given the way people are turning up as people with bad intentions towards this country all over, it is understandable. But when will my series of frustrations at these delays and extra work needed for each and everything that I am trying to change ever end.
Now i really need someone to hug me and console me
Monday, June 7, 2010
Up early
Monday, Jun-07-2010
------------------------------
Woke up early. Full of energy. lets see if I can make it to work before 7am. What a weekend. :)
Was listening to the Conf call with Kolkota and got to know that people are travelling for about 2 hrs in the morning and 2.5 hrs in evening to get back home.
There was 2nd person resigning because of the distance to travel and affecting personal life.
It seem they moved to a new office building very far and remote and there is no restaurant for 16km radius.
I think I made the right decision of not taking a transfer to India. Would not want to waste about 5 hrs traveling.
Saw Eva great quots on her blog. Nice of her to post it. She was into it even before. But they were more longer and debatable. and some maybe contoversial. And these are just quotes for sharing, nothing to debate about.
Working on seeing if I can get more training on my leadership skills and other soft skills. browsing the company web page after I got the email. The webpage seems so unfriendly and not able to find the place to register for the course. :(
Whole body seems to pain with the results of back to back hiking. And I wished that the hikes were as close as in Vancouver.
And I wish for so many things, but reality is so far and distant.
Dreams that could have made bridges, seem to collapse and wither,
Love that crossed all boundaries and Oceans
Seem so helpless and wanting its own love and care.
Words of misunderstanding causing the pain
Seems to happily rein.
Ego and blindness
Weaving its own web
How helpless it feels
How deeply it feels
If only you took the time,
To understand the deep me within me.
You would have known how deep and true my feelings and me as person.
And if you had known the person in me you would not want any other.
Lost was me as the person to you in the clouds of circumstances and other tempting colors
Temptations that invited you to distant exocticness
Unreal as they are and will always be.
Finding yourself in your own heart I hope will one day reveal the REAL
Will it be too late,
Love forever lost to regret.
10:45 am get msg from Ajit regarding conduting interview to recruit for the off shore person. She is based in Bangalore. Need to make international call and schedule an interview.
12:10 pm get out to head home and finish yesterday evenings chicken curry cooking.
12:50 finish cooking and heat up the Chapati/roti and have it with the yummy chicken curry.
1:20pm head back to work. reach work thinking about the issue with Eva colleauge.
Why is it that India is sill sticking to some of the rules that were required to keep track of foreigners during the Cold war period. Now its become such an open Country, that even the data base in the computer is not enough to keep the data about the foreigners address.
Just that it would mean that there will be suddenly lesser jobs if these rules are removed and no one wants that. A democratic country practicing Cold war Iron curtain policies. Or is it just the distrust of the Europeans.
Again there is so much that needs to change and evolve in the Indian mentality. So many of the restricted thinking and convervatism that gets taken and blown out of proportion.
Wondering if I should send Eva the reply to her email or just let it go. I have done enough to screw up my own sense of self respect, my self confidence is at its low feel like the ugly frog no one wants anything to do with.
Now even if some girl looks at me kindly and smiles, I am feeling as thou I was kissed by a princess and turned back from a frog to my original princely self.
------------------------------
Woke up early. Full of energy. lets see if I can make it to work before 7am. What a weekend. :)
Was listening to the Conf call with Kolkota and got to know that people are travelling for about 2 hrs in the morning and 2.5 hrs in evening to get back home.
There was 2nd person resigning because of the distance to travel and affecting personal life.
It seem they moved to a new office building very far and remote and there is no restaurant for 16km radius.
I think I made the right decision of not taking a transfer to India. Would not want to waste about 5 hrs traveling.
Saw Eva great quots on her blog. Nice of her to post it. She was into it even before. But they were more longer and debatable. and some maybe contoversial. And these are just quotes for sharing, nothing to debate about.
Working on seeing if I can get more training on my leadership skills and other soft skills. browsing the company web page after I got the email. The webpage seems so unfriendly and not able to find the place to register for the course. :(
Whole body seems to pain with the results of back to back hiking. And I wished that the hikes were as close as in Vancouver.
And I wish for so many things, but reality is so far and distant.
Dreams that could have made bridges, seem to collapse and wither,
Love that crossed all boundaries and Oceans
Seem so helpless and wanting its own love and care.
Words of misunderstanding causing the pain
Seems to happily rein.
Ego and blindness
Weaving its own web
How helpless it feels
How deeply it feels
If only you took the time,
To understand the deep me within me.
You would have known how deep and true my feelings and me as person.
And if you had known the person in me you would not want any other.
Lost was me as the person to you in the clouds of circumstances and other tempting colors
Temptations that invited you to distant exocticness
Unreal as they are and will always be.
Finding yourself in your own heart I hope will one day reveal the REAL
Will it be too late,
Love forever lost to regret.
10:45 am get msg from Ajit regarding conduting interview to recruit for the off shore person. She is based in Bangalore. Need to make international call and schedule an interview.
12:10 pm get out to head home and finish yesterday evenings chicken curry cooking.
12:50 finish cooking and heat up the Chapati/roti and have it with the yummy chicken curry.
1:20pm head back to work. reach work thinking about the issue with Eva colleauge.
Why is it that India is sill sticking to some of the rules that were required to keep track of foreigners during the Cold war period. Now its become such an open Country, that even the data base in the computer is not enough to keep the data about the foreigners address.
Just that it would mean that there will be suddenly lesser jobs if these rules are removed and no one wants that. A democratic country practicing Cold war Iron curtain policies. Or is it just the distrust of the Europeans.
Again there is so much that needs to change and evolve in the Indian mentality. So many of the restricted thinking and convervatism that gets taken and blown out of proportion.
Wondering if I should send Eva the reply to her email or just let it go. I have done enough to screw up my own sense of self respect, my self confidence is at its low feel like the ugly frog no one wants anything to do with.
Now even if some girl looks at me kindly and smiles, I am feeling as thou I was kissed by a princess and turned back from a frog to my original princely self.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
House work and cooking
Sunday, Jun 06-2010
*********************
Woke up late and feeling tired after about 4 hrs of hiking followed by Salsa dancing yesterday. I think I lost about 5 pounds. But what an adventure and all new possibilities.
Its been very hot here in the 80(deg F) that is about 28 (deg C). Phew lucky I don't have to experience 40 plus as in India.
Have to focus on cleaning up the house and getting things in order. Another beginner hike organized in the evening near to the downtown park. There is a canadian girl in that too. lets see if I can convince the new group to go out salsa after the hike. ;)
Started off cooking the chicken curry. Then realised that I did not have enough Onions. So went shopping to costco around 1pm and got Milk, onion and a few other stuff.
Partially finished cooking and realised I need to head out for the hike.
Reached west philly or the Farimount garden around 4:15. Met with Jed and Felica (who is the first Canadian I am meeting after my move to Lansdale).
Jed seemed like a walking encyclopedia. And Felica seemed so sweet and down to earth and wanting to bond as canadians. She is been in Philly for about a year
Philly or Philadelphia is Historic to the American Independence and the history of modern day Democracy.
quarter way thru Dena joined our group. We went to the Memorial hall, now a Childrens museum to check out the architecture of the building that was as old as the modern America.
Opposite to the Building people were playing the game of cricket. Most of the people seem to be from West Indies. That was something funny to find a group of people playing cricket in full uniform, wearing all whites. In the middle of Philadelphia. hahaha. Me and Felica were excited and went over there to find out the details. It turned out that they play every sunday.
Then we went to the philadelphia Stars memorial park. which honored the negro baseball league. And went walking thru couple of lakes and Criss crossed the Fairmount garden (which seems to be as huge as the Stanley Park in Vancouver). Jed was very informative about the natural habitat of the plants and giving us information about the different plant families. He was like an encyclopedia.
Its a great place to take a person out on a date ;)
At the end of the walk we all went to a new Classy restaurant in the Philadelphia Technology park.
The restaurant is called LE COCHON NOIR ( The Black Pig). It had a live jazz band playing at 7:30pm.
The food was good, as they did not have Liquior license yet, they gave us complimentary drinks. We all had White wine. (ended up having 3 glasses of it).
Then I ordered Quedila and Glace (fruits, but it was frozen).
The service was the best I ever got to see in my life. There were a few teenage looking girls who came from Ukarine and were working in the restaurant. Latter when I asked how they ended up here, they said that they came here on Student exchange. It was kind of like Evas internship but they end up working as what ever job they get. More like the jobs the 3 french people got in Vancouver.
The best part of the evening was the dissusion, argument and debate with Dina S. Who is basically from New York.
She was arguing like Eva, but with more verbal supporting points and facts. And she did not get angry. Just respected that we had difference of opinion. Wonderful and we hugged at the end. Guess that is the difference in Experience and that of a person who is in control of their emotional issues. OR maybe with time Eva will also learn to control her anger and expression during a debate. Or just that she is passionate about some of the things more.
It was an awesome evening and hope to join up with this group for more as time permits.
Got back home and just crashed on the couch.
*********************
Woke up late and feeling tired after about 4 hrs of hiking followed by Salsa dancing yesterday. I think I lost about 5 pounds. But what an adventure and all new possibilities.
Its been very hot here in the 80(deg F) that is about 28 (deg C). Phew lucky I don't have to experience 40 plus as in India.
Have to focus on cleaning up the house and getting things in order. Another beginner hike organized in the evening near to the downtown park. There is a canadian girl in that too. lets see if I can convince the new group to go out salsa after the hike. ;)
Started off cooking the chicken curry. Then realised that I did not have enough Onions. So went shopping to costco around 1pm and got Milk, onion and a few other stuff.
Partially finished cooking and realised I need to head out for the hike.
Reached west philly or the Farimount garden around 4:15. Met with Jed and Felica (who is the first Canadian I am meeting after my move to Lansdale).
Jed seemed like a walking encyclopedia. And Felica seemed so sweet and down to earth and wanting to bond as canadians. She is been in Philly for about a year
Philly or Philadelphia is Historic to the American Independence and the history of modern day Democracy.
quarter way thru Dena joined our group. We went to the Memorial hall, now a Childrens museum to check out the architecture of the building that was as old as the modern America.
Opposite to the Building people were playing the game of cricket. Most of the people seem to be from West Indies. That was something funny to find a group of people playing cricket in full uniform, wearing all whites. In the middle of Philadelphia. hahaha. Me and Felica were excited and went over there to find out the details. It turned out that they play every sunday.
Then we went to the philadelphia Stars memorial park. which honored the negro baseball league. And went walking thru couple of lakes and Criss crossed the Fairmount garden (which seems to be as huge as the Stanley Park in Vancouver). Jed was very informative about the natural habitat of the plants and giving us information about the different plant families. He was like an encyclopedia.
Its a great place to take a person out on a date ;)
At the end of the walk we all went to a new Classy restaurant in the Philadelphia Technology park.
The restaurant is called LE COCHON NOIR ( The Black Pig). It had a live jazz band playing at 7:30pm.
The food was good, as they did not have Liquior license yet, they gave us complimentary drinks. We all had White wine. (ended up having 3 glasses of it).
Then I ordered Quedila and Glace (fruits, but it was frozen).
The service was the best I ever got to see in my life. There were a few teenage looking girls who came from Ukarine and were working in the restaurant. Latter when I asked how they ended up here, they said that they came here on Student exchange. It was kind of like Evas internship but they end up working as what ever job they get. More like the jobs the 3 french people got in Vancouver.
The best part of the evening was the dissusion, argument and debate with Dina S. Who is basically from New York.
She was arguing like Eva, but with more verbal supporting points and facts. And she did not get angry. Just respected that we had difference of opinion. Wonderful and we hugged at the end. Guess that is the difference in Experience and that of a person who is in control of their emotional issues. OR maybe with time Eva will also learn to control her anger and expression during a debate. Or just that she is passionate about some of the things more.
It was an awesome evening and hope to join up with this group for more as time permits.
Got back home and just crashed on the couch.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Hike day
Saturday , Jun - 05- 2010
**************************
Woke up late after a night out in Philly. Beautiful day outside. So was looking at all the hiking groups. There was one close to Lansdale, about 20 miles. Bridlewild hike.
Not sure how the group is or where they will be meeting, plan to just drive over there and see. So made a back up plan of going to the King of Prussia mall.
Saw mail from Eva. composed reply not sure if there is any use to trying to talk or send reply to someone who has a great Chinese wall towards what ever I say.
I wish I could call her and just talk casually as friends with out fear of her getting upset or angry at anything I say. Or only if she could just give me a call. Its so filled up with the stress of Uncertainty of what each is thinking and what her mood is.
She seems to pissed off at me, all because of the mail and contact with Amit and telling him all the history that was involved how she behaved and hurt me at the polish hall by rather drinking with Igor than dancing with me. etc, etc. Which was all my side of the story and I specifically asked him to listen to her side of the story with an open mind and give us some kind of constructive feed back if possible. What he did in the heat of the emotional moment caused her to go on some kind of illusion about what I told.
How I classified her going out meeting so many guys as dating and she was thinking that it was not a date. And Amit in turn been the typical Indian guy constructed it as her been a slut. To the Indian guys, Nilesh, I am sure her friends rishit and mihi too, any girl who has multiple partners or dates multile people is a slut. They may not tell to her face, but when they talk among themselves they will surely be using those terms.
They do not understand that dating is equal to Indian guys and gals going and seeing each other with their parents organizing and supervising the meeting in India to check out if they like each other and. But in the US and west its how men and women meet and check out the possibility on their own. And its called dating, meeting for lunch, dinner. going out for a drink, or a dance, or inviting over for one on one barbecue.
Atleast I don't see any thing wrong in dating multiple people when they are single. They may just meet up as freinds for casual coffee , to dinner, a conversation and if there is some thing, they may explore further.
But if they commit to someone and become a couple. Those meetings and accepting drinks from guys or Guys buying drinks for gals should not happen.
As long as they are single, its okay to do it. And if they do it after been in a relationship then they are breaking the rules of the relationship and not respecting their partner. And that also means that they are been in a relationship and they are also looking at possibly another one. Which to me is not fair to the current relationship. Either you are in the relationship and be focused totally on your partner and making the relationship working or just get out of it and then go around dating again. Just don't sit on the fence trying to enjoy the benefits of relationship and also trying to enjoy the perks of been single and looking.
Not sure if Eva ever understood this part of what I believe and what I think about relationship. Even she thought that I termed her bad because I used the word dating. Well you can convince yourself with what ever to fool yourself.
Reached at the hike. around 12:45pm and met up with a group of people and the organizer Sidney of the hike. Very interesting group of people. All from in and around Philly.
There were 2 indian gals. Malini who came all the way from Princeton new jersey. And Manisha (gujju) who moved to Philly from Washington DC.
In the beginning all the other guys seem to be trying to get Malini's attention. As she is good looking and also seemed very friendly and very intelligent. I was not interested at all.
Then latter during the hike she came over to me and we started talking.
It was interesting connecting with Malini as she was from Coimbatore came to do her master about 8 years ago and now works as a Certified Accounts Auditor .
The best part was that she dances salsa . During the course of the hike we got to talk a lot about different cultures, our culture, our experience with hiking and connected well.
I told her I am new to this and dont have much experience as I started hiking with a salsa group in Vancouver about 3 years ago. She was hiking since her school time.
We exchanged numbers after the hike and if we our schedules match we may meet up at the Salsa places for salsa or meet up next week or so for more hiking by the same group. Wanted to go out to Brasil again tonite, but it was a 2 to 3 hrs of driving for her from New Jersey. So maybe some other time.
This is the second south Indian girl I am meeting in Philly who is into Sasla with in 15 hrs.
We went around a great many number of little hills and nature and also saw some very exceptional unique house construction design in the interior of the hiking trails.
Back home by 6pm. Should I go for another night of dancing... maybe... hmmm hmmm ;)
**************************
Woke up late after a night out in Philly. Beautiful day outside. So was looking at all the hiking groups. There was one close to Lansdale, about 20 miles. Bridlewild hike.
Not sure how the group is or where they will be meeting, plan to just drive over there and see. So made a back up plan of going to the King of Prussia mall.
Saw mail from Eva. composed reply not sure if there is any use to trying to talk or send reply to someone who has a great Chinese wall towards what ever I say.
I wish I could call her and just talk casually as friends with out fear of her getting upset or angry at anything I say. Or only if she could just give me a call. Its so filled up with the stress of Uncertainty of what each is thinking and what her mood is.
She seems to pissed off at me, all because of the mail and contact with Amit and telling him all the history that was involved how she behaved and hurt me at the polish hall by rather drinking with Igor than dancing with me. etc, etc. Which was all my side of the story and I specifically asked him to listen to her side of the story with an open mind and give us some kind of constructive feed back if possible. What he did in the heat of the emotional moment caused her to go on some kind of illusion about what I told.
How I classified her going out meeting so many guys as dating and she was thinking that it was not a date. And Amit in turn been the typical Indian guy constructed it as her been a slut. To the Indian guys, Nilesh, I am sure her friends rishit and mihi too, any girl who has multiple partners or dates multile people is a slut. They may not tell to her face, but when they talk among themselves they will surely be using those terms.
They do not understand that dating is equal to Indian guys and gals going and seeing each other with their parents organizing and supervising the meeting in India to check out if they like each other and. But in the US and west its how men and women meet and check out the possibility on their own. And its called dating, meeting for lunch, dinner. going out for a drink, or a dance, or inviting over for one on one barbecue.
Atleast I don't see any thing wrong in dating multiple people when they are single. They may just meet up as freinds for casual coffee , to dinner, a conversation and if there is some thing, they may explore further.
But if they commit to someone and become a couple. Those meetings and accepting drinks from guys or Guys buying drinks for gals should not happen.
As long as they are single, its okay to do it. And if they do it after been in a relationship then they are breaking the rules of the relationship and not respecting their partner. And that also means that they are been in a relationship and they are also looking at possibly another one. Which to me is not fair to the current relationship. Either you are in the relationship and be focused totally on your partner and making the relationship working or just get out of it and then go around dating again. Just don't sit on the fence trying to enjoy the benefits of relationship and also trying to enjoy the perks of been single and looking.
Not sure if Eva ever understood this part of what I believe and what I think about relationship. Even she thought that I termed her bad because I used the word dating. Well you can convince yourself with what ever to fool yourself.
Reached at the hike. around 12:45pm and met up with a group of people and the organizer Sidney of the hike. Very interesting group of people. All from in and around Philly.
There were 2 indian gals. Malini who came all the way from Princeton new jersey. And Manisha (gujju) who moved to Philly from Washington DC.
In the beginning all the other guys seem to be trying to get Malini's attention. As she is good looking and also seemed very friendly and very intelligent. I was not interested at all.
Then latter during the hike she came over to me and we started talking.
It was interesting connecting with Malini as she was from Coimbatore came to do her master about 8 years ago and now works as a Certified Accounts Auditor .
The best part was that she dances salsa . During the course of the hike we got to talk a lot about different cultures, our culture, our experience with hiking and connected well.
I told her I am new to this and dont have much experience as I started hiking with a salsa group in Vancouver about 3 years ago. She was hiking since her school time.
We exchanged numbers after the hike and if we our schedules match we may meet up at the Salsa places for salsa or meet up next week or so for more hiking by the same group. Wanted to go out to Brasil again tonite, but it was a 2 to 3 hrs of driving for her from New Jersey. So maybe some other time.
This is the second south Indian girl I am meeting in Philly who is into Sasla with in 15 hrs.
We went around a great many number of little hills and nature and also saw some very exceptional unique house construction design in the interior of the hiking trails.
Back home by 6pm. Should I go for another night of dancing... maybe... hmmm hmmm ;)
Friday, June 4, 2010
Friday, SALSA night
FRIDAY June-04-2010
=====================
After the run yesterday night it was a great sleep. Woke up early did some light work out. Feel energised.
Got to work early. And attended the call with Calcutta at 7am. And i got the parking very close to the Gate and door of Building 39. Thou I got delayed by the train passing. Tomorrow need to try to get out of the house before 6:45am.
Was thinking about Ajits words about relationship from yesterday evenings conversation. Well what can I say. IF only her serene royal highness EVA was open to it, I could try to work it out. But now with the way communication is cut off and not knowing what is really happening to her or what she is really feeling and thinking. I am helpless.
If only she would give me some indication of wanting to try. I would just be so happy to get her back with me and work it out like a strong Indian marriage.
Not really sure How she says we are not a good team. When it was she who was behaving in the selfish way of not caring for anything but her own needs and that was causing major issues. As a team it was just a question of time and realization that we could have learnt from each other.
While I was been the most adjusting person in the whole world. All the guys said, she is not ment for you, you can get a better person who will treat you with more respect and value.
Even advise me against going on the long trip with somone I have no more than 6 months of history with. But i adjusted and accepted her words and wishes to see how that would go. Gave up a great part of my career and income doing that. And at a time when I hardly had any worthy savings.
And the next few months I was trying like crazy to not spend, eat less and many things like that to avoid becoming homeless. Lucky that the market picked up in Feb March as expected or I would have become a homeless guy or would have had to take up some minimum wages job again. All because I choose to spend time with my love in US over trying for the jobs during Sep. That was so un-practicle of me.
It feels sick to be giving up after so much of troubles. Especially when it was so close to me getting a good and steady job and more sense of security to give her the world.
Hope that she soon has some kind of change of mind and thinking and will get back to me or make some effort to contact me.
Well Friday night, I think I will just take Chakris advice and go out dancing and hunting. So far the girls in Philly salsa scene seem to be having a much more better attitude than the snobbish ones in Vancouver.
I have seen good dancers dancing with beginner guys and it felt so different from the attitude and expression from the Vancouver crowd.
Lets see so far I was been reserved and did not want anyone to take Evas spot in my heart. I guess I have to loosen up and be open to nature and the possibilities. One of the girls maybe just the right one. Just like Chakri and Ajit said yesterday.. Have to take risk. Just have to stop feeling guilty and loyal to Eva.
Maybe just make friends and see how that goes. Tonite OUT SALSA.
Afternoon head back home and try to connect to work remotly and call up help desk as I was not able to access the pin.
Spend about 1 hr for that on the skype with call center person at mexico city. Then because of the bad connection on skype he called me on my cell phone. Resolved the issue.
Tried getting into ipay was not able to.
saw the motivating words on evas salvador blog. good one.
If only she ....
3:pm get back to office. nothing much to do other than browse. And now filled with a sense of uncertainity.
4:40pm feeling sleepy and tired from yesterday nights run for 3 kms. It was a wel phased run.
Around 6:pm it was kind of lazy time and everyone was just chatting and making plans for the weekend get away with their family. Except me who was only thinking about salsa and joining a Group hiking to some wonderful garden. So far there seem to be more ladies than men in that hiking group. Lets see if I can convert any of them around to Salsa dancers.
6:30 Rajshekar wanted a ride to the liquor store close to my house, take him there and then invite him over to my place. Fix a Cosmopolitan. Vodka and canberry juice for him. His first Cosmopolitan. Talk for some time, he tells me how he met and married his wife, who has a masters in Electrical Engineering and is Teacher in a Government College near to Hyderabad. And she is on a extended leave staying with him here in US for the past 1 year.
They hope to go back as they rather be with parents and family than live life here. Then I tell him about how I ended up here after a long struggle and how I was thinking of going to India and maybe get married to Eva earlier, but how situation suddenly changed and I am no longer going to India thru Cognizant.
What will happen in the future, I don't know, but I tried like no man would ever try, killing my ego and self-respect. Only to be treated more coldly, the more I seem to try the more I was treated with dis-respect.
And when she told me that she will be sad if we break up, I like a fool was feeling guilty aned was trying to make her feel better and trying my best to make up for having suggested such a silly thing that it won't work between us if we continue.
Atleast now we got to see how each of us treats the other under the reversed conditions.
That in itself is a great measure and indicator of who is what in our relationship.
Anyways go and drop him off at his house and return to write the blog before stepping out. 8:20 pm now. going out to down town. :)
Got to meet the first Indian girl Archana, in Philly salsa secene. She moved here from Seattle and is working in Philly. She was an amazing dancer and she looked smoking hot too. Basically from Chennai (madras).
=====================
After the run yesterday night it was a great sleep. Woke up early did some light work out. Feel energised.
Got to work early. And attended the call with Calcutta at 7am. And i got the parking very close to the Gate and door of Building 39. Thou I got delayed by the train passing. Tomorrow need to try to get out of the house before 6:45am.
Was thinking about Ajits words about relationship from yesterday evenings conversation. Well what can I say. IF only her serene royal highness EVA was open to it, I could try to work it out. But now with the way communication is cut off and not knowing what is really happening to her or what she is really feeling and thinking. I am helpless.
If only she would give me some indication of wanting to try. I would just be so happy to get her back with me and work it out like a strong Indian marriage.
Not really sure How she says we are not a good team. When it was she who was behaving in the selfish way of not caring for anything but her own needs and that was causing major issues. As a team it was just a question of time and realization that we could have learnt from each other.
While I was been the most adjusting person in the whole world. All the guys said, she is not ment for you, you can get a better person who will treat you with more respect and value.
Even advise me against going on the long trip with somone I have no more than 6 months of history with. But i adjusted and accepted her words and wishes to see how that would go. Gave up a great part of my career and income doing that. And at a time when I hardly had any worthy savings.
And the next few months I was trying like crazy to not spend, eat less and many things like that to avoid becoming homeless. Lucky that the market picked up in Feb March as expected or I would have become a homeless guy or would have had to take up some minimum wages job again. All because I choose to spend time with my love in US over trying for the jobs during Sep. That was so un-practicle of me.
It feels sick to be giving up after so much of troubles. Especially when it was so close to me getting a good and steady job and more sense of security to give her the world.
Hope that she soon has some kind of change of mind and thinking and will get back to me or make some effort to contact me.
Well Friday night, I think I will just take Chakris advice and go out dancing and hunting. So far the girls in Philly salsa scene seem to be having a much more better attitude than the snobbish ones in Vancouver.
I have seen good dancers dancing with beginner guys and it felt so different from the attitude and expression from the Vancouver crowd.
Lets see so far I was been reserved and did not want anyone to take Evas spot in my heart. I guess I have to loosen up and be open to nature and the possibilities. One of the girls maybe just the right one. Just like Chakri and Ajit said yesterday.. Have to take risk. Just have to stop feeling guilty and loyal to Eva.
Maybe just make friends and see how that goes. Tonite OUT SALSA.
Afternoon head back home and try to connect to work remotly and call up help desk as I was not able to access the pin.
Spend about 1 hr for that on the skype with call center person at mexico city. Then because of the bad connection on skype he called me on my cell phone. Resolved the issue.
Tried getting into ipay was not able to.
saw the motivating words on evas salvador blog. good one.
If only she ....
3:pm get back to office. nothing much to do other than browse. And now filled with a sense of uncertainity.
4:40pm feeling sleepy and tired from yesterday nights run for 3 kms. It was a wel phased run.
Around 6:pm it was kind of lazy time and everyone was just chatting and making plans for the weekend get away with their family. Except me who was only thinking about salsa and joining a Group hiking to some wonderful garden. So far there seem to be more ladies than men in that hiking group. Lets see if I can convert any of them around to Salsa dancers.
6:30 Rajshekar wanted a ride to the liquor store close to my house, take him there and then invite him over to my place. Fix a Cosmopolitan. Vodka and canberry juice for him. His first Cosmopolitan. Talk for some time, he tells me how he met and married his wife, who has a masters in Electrical Engineering and is Teacher in a Government College near to Hyderabad. And she is on a extended leave staying with him here in US for the past 1 year.
They hope to go back as they rather be with parents and family than live life here. Then I tell him about how I ended up here after a long struggle and how I was thinking of going to India and maybe get married to Eva earlier, but how situation suddenly changed and I am no longer going to India thru Cognizant.
What will happen in the future, I don't know, but I tried like no man would ever try, killing my ego and self-respect. Only to be treated more coldly, the more I seem to try the more I was treated with dis-respect.
And when she told me that she will be sad if we break up, I like a fool was feeling guilty aned was trying to make her feel better and trying my best to make up for having suggested such a silly thing that it won't work between us if we continue.
Atleast now we got to see how each of us treats the other under the reversed conditions.
That in itself is a great measure and indicator of who is what in our relationship.
Anyways go and drop him off at his house and return to write the blog before stepping out. 8:20 pm now. going out to down town. :)
Got to meet the first Indian girl Archana, in Philly salsa secene. She moved here from Seattle and is working in Philly. She was an amazing dancer and she looked smoking hot too. Basically from Chennai (madras).
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