Sunday, Apr 01 2012,,
reached the temple around 10 and was there upto 12,,,, my first 2 hrs of intense group meditation.
its funny how the senses get tuned to the surrounding when one meditates,,, I hardly spoke a few words today. and on the call from tan, also a few words..
getting more worried with the way things are happening or the conversations with parents at home. dad seems to be going into a depressive mood with both his sons not getting married and the pressures from everyone who they meet asking about it.... Feel bad for them.
But what can I do. My life is that of a gypsy, not able to put down any roots. Looking for financial stability, and scared of what happened when I was in van, Ending up doing minimum wages jobs and the scare of becoming homeless any moment. Hardly able to afford anything. Not that I am out of the woods yet. Even here its just a bit better thats all. But the scare of loosing the job and then not able to find one is always like a sword hanging over my head.
How can I provide for a family , give them a stable home to grow up in. When my own life is not stable and secure.
It would be great to go and live in India, well not the cities with its pollution and crazy life. about 2 to 4 hrs spend on the road commuting in the thick pollution from traffic.
It would be great to be live in the lil village of mine with its green purity. But then will be hounded by question on my life and what am I doing with it in terms of doing something like everyone else, A job . and earning or contributing positively like everyone else in the society.
ohhh what a continuous struggle.
yesterday had gone to a party, where I was the only one who turned up at sids house, poor old man. Living a lonely life. the others kind of bailed out. Wonder if my life will end up like his. Atleast he has many extra activities going on in terms of leading people on hik es.. and many people like me who are new to the city and lonely end up on these hike.
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