Tuesday Jun 03 2014
The sweetness of her simplicity still haunts my thoughts.
Ahhhh why,, why ,,, does she haunt my thoughts. Every wake moment, walking moment.
the rawness of her sweetness that I got to see but yet so distant and not fully known...
Not been one the best day in my life ..
counting the last days to been working at the work location.... gosh I am so glad to be getting away from all this trash talking jack ass and f heads trying to figure out how much I make and how much I save..
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
Monday, June 2, 2014
Jun 02 2014,,, feeling a bit validated maybe for the wrong reasons
Tuesday Jun 02 2014
, feeling a bit validated maybe for the wrong reasons
Grinning from ear to ear... wow its an amazing feeling to be liked by someone for some mysterious reason :)
Especially with all the punches and rejections I have been getting the past few weeks at the professional front and personal front...
:D feeling on top of the world :)
But short lived.....
was deep down, the urge, the painful hallow ness of not having got the reciprocal love from the one the heart so ached for..... desired for.
an evening walk by the beach kind of felt a bit reliving,
soaking in the evening sunset breeze
felt like a load off on realizing the day is coming to an end
what tomorrow holds is a mystery.
, feeling a bit validated maybe for the wrong reasons
Grinning from ear to ear... wow its an amazing feeling to be liked by someone for some mysterious reason :)
Especially with all the punches and rejections I have been getting the past few weeks at the professional front and personal front...
:D feeling on top of the world :)
But short lived.....
was deep down, the urge, the painful hallow ness of not having got the reciprocal love from the one the heart so ached for..... desired for.
an evening walk by the beach kind of felt a bit reliving,
soaking in the evening sunset breeze
felt like a load off on realizing the day is coming to an end
what tomorrow holds is a mystery.
Sunday, June 1, 2014
Jun 1 New month start
Sunday Jun 01 2014
Started day by going for run around 10:30 ran probably my fasted mile 7:34 min.
set up laundry to wash
called up maintenance who were supposed to come by yesterday.. as I discovered that there was water in the living room too.
Yesterday went to the long beach amma kitchen and got work on the burriots veggie it was good team work, wish I could have done more, felt good with the self less team spirit.
yesterday at redondo beach was listening to the car radio and liked the michale buble song : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1AJmKkU5POA
I just haven't MET YOU YET,,,,, my new fav song and motto.... This one so chimes with what I am going thru...... till I meet the one gal who would love me and my soul as much as I would love hers ....
I was surprised, when something I only saw in movies happen to me (one sided) like in 0:45secs of this video. Fell flat and hard for a butterfly smile. .. well reality is more like 4:05 ,, , hehehe,, but never the less a wonderful experience of emotions doing the reggaton in my heart and mind, something money can never buy, it just has to happen on its own.
So thank you universe, for filling up my little world with moments of color and happiness.
the depth of a soul is in its simplicity.
Like basic breathing and stretching in yoga.
When you start over analyzing, debating and over doing, the chances of loosing the focus on developing depth of your soul increases.
Some people fill up their life with activity after another on the outside, they tend towards becoming more scattered and then again end up loosing out on calming themselves and discovering themselves from within.
You can run, but soon the need for depth will tell.
If you run away from focusing on depth, its like trying to build on weak foundations.
**************
Started day by going for run around 10:30 ran probably my fasted mile 7:34 min.
set up laundry to wash
called up maintenance who were supposed to come by yesterday.. as I discovered that there was water in the living room too.
Yesterday went to the long beach amma kitchen and got work on the burriots veggie it was good team work, wish I could have done more, felt good with the self less team spirit.
yesterday at redondo beach was listening to the car radio and liked the michale buble song : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1AJmKkU5POA
I just haven't MET YOU YET,,,,, my new fav song and motto.... This one so chimes with what I am going thru...... till I meet the one gal who would love me and my soul as much as I would love hers ....
I was surprised, when something I only saw in movies happen to me (one sided) like in 0:45secs of this video. Fell flat and hard for a butterfly smile. .. well reality is more like 4:05 ,, , hehehe,, but never the less a wonderful experience of emotions doing the reggaton in my heart and mind, something money can never buy, it just has to happen on its own.
So thank you universe, for filling up my little world with moments of color and happiness.
the depth of a soul is in its simplicity.
Like basic breathing and stretching in yoga.
When you start over analyzing, debating and over doing, the chances of loosing the focus on developing depth of your soul increases.
Some people fill up their life with activity after another on the outside, they tend towards becoming more scattered and then again end up loosing out on calming themselves and discovering themselves from within.
You can run, but soon the need for depth will tell.
If you run away from focusing on depth, its like trying to build on weak foundations.
**************
RED & GREEN FLAGS -> Profiling [Partner]
******* RED FLAGS for me *********
*) Is she the "kind" type yes ... +30 no - 50 (Sincere Kindness, Honesty and Loyalty, touch my soul)
*) Is she the honest type yes ... +30 no - 50 (Sincere Kindness, Honesty and Loyalty, touch my soul)
????? scientific approach,, hahahaha.... but given all these logical criteria's, when we fall, we just fall hard and all logic goes out for a toss.
But its good to know and sometimes when things don't work out, you can go back to the drawing board and see WHY? Nature has its own ways of helping us.
*) Does she wear make up .................. NO ---> +99.... yes.. -50
( will not work, as I have a very very sensitive nose, end up gagging with the synthetic smell of creams, lip stick, hair products, that actually just leaves me with limited choices 1% to 10% of the population, who are not trying to impress others with external artificial put on's) [sensitive to such an extend that I can smell the difference between organic and non organic milk, also sensitive to many food smells]
*) Does she smoke .... no +20 yes.. -30 (as I have a sensitive nose]
*) Does she do/done drugs.... no +20 yes.. -60.. [ I grew up and live by, "Say no to drugs the First Time and Every Time"]
*) Did she ever cheat in a relationship.. no +50 yes -30 ... [chances are they will do that again]
But its good to know and sometimes when things don't work out, you can go back to the drawing board and see WHY? Nature has its own ways of helping us.
*) Does she wear make up .................. NO ---> +99.... yes.. -50
( will not work, as I have a very very sensitive nose, end up gagging with the synthetic smell of creams, lip stick, hair products, that actually just leaves me with limited choices 1% to 10% of the population, who are not trying to impress others with external artificial put on's) [sensitive to such an extend that I can smell the difference between organic and non organic milk, also sensitive to many food smells]
*) Does she smoke .... no +20 yes.. -30 (as I have a sensitive nose]
*) Does she do/done drugs.... no +20 yes.. -60.. [ I grew up and live by, "Say no to drugs the First Time and Every Time"]
*) Did she ever cheat in a relationship.. no +50 yes -30 ... [chances are they will do that again]
*) Is she the "kind" type yes ... +30 no - 50 (Sincere Kindness, Honesty and Loyalty, touch my soul)
*) Is she the honest type yes ... +30 no - 50 (Sincere Kindness, Honesty and Loyalty, touch my soul)
*) Is she the loyal type yes ... +30 no - 50 (Sincere Kindness, Honesty and Loyalty, touch my soul)
*) Is she the sincere type yes ... +30 no - 30 (Sincere Kindness, Honesty and Loyalty, touch my soul)
*) Does yoga ,,, yes +25 ,,, no -5
*) Does she hike ,,, yes + 20 ,, no -20
*) Does she like to run ,,, yes + 15 ,, no -5
*) Likes to dance Merengue with me .... yes + 40 ,, no -20
*) Likes to dance Cumbia with me... yes +50,, no -30 [the depth of a soul is in its simplicity]
*) Likes to dance bachata with me .. yes +30 no -20
*) Likes to dance salsa ,, yes +10 no -10
*) Likes to dance cha-cha-cha ,, yes +10 no -5
*) Likes to perform ,,,,, yes - 30 ,, no + 10
[ just that I think that people who get into performance tend to get addicted to the feeling of becoming rock stars, mostly end becoming Dance Snobs and tend to loose it on partner dancing and connecting with their partners soul, to me it does not matter how technically perfect you are, to me all that matter is can you or are you open to connect with me, my energy and frequency and reach a state of resonance!.....[goose bumps and heaven in other words] )
*) Likes to hang out with me... yes +70 ,, no -100 [bye]
*) Has a sense of humor .. yes +20 ,,, no -30
*) Is she the sincere type yes ... +30 no - 30 (Sincere Kindness, Honesty and Loyalty, touch my soul)
*) Does yoga ,,, yes +25 ,,, no -5
*) Does she hike ,,, yes + 20 ,, no -20
*) Does she like to run ,,, yes + 15 ,, no -5
*) Likes to dance Merengue with me .... yes + 40 ,, no -20
*) Likes to dance Cumbia with me... yes +50,, no -30 [the depth of a soul is in its simplicity]
*) Likes to dance bachata with me .. yes +30 no -20
*) Likes to dance salsa ,, yes +10 no -10
*) Likes to dance cha-cha-cha ,, yes +10 no -5
*) Likes to perform ,,,,, yes - 30 ,, no + 10
[ just that I think that people who get into performance tend to get addicted to the feeling of becoming rock stars, mostly end becoming Dance Snobs and tend to loose it on partner dancing and connecting with their partners soul, to me it does not matter how technically perfect you are, to me all that matter is can you or are you open to connect with me, my energy and frequency and reach a state of resonance!.....[goose bumps and heaven in other words] )
*) Likes to hang out with me... yes +70 ,, no -100 [bye]
*) Has a sense of humor .. yes +20 ,,, no -30
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
May 27 2014... house hold stuff arrives, feeling depresed
Tuesday, May 27 2014
Got to work after the long weekend.
kind of lethargic, got call that my house hold stuff will be delivered today.
so got off work around 3:45 and the delivery guys come around 6..
well atleast this time things dont seem damaged much.. set up the TV now my place looks like a TV shop.
missing the sweetness of M and the so down to earth persona.
well I guess I am not worthy of deserving something as good as that.
feelings waves of depression ,,,
walked over to walmat and in the macdonalds got a fish o fillet and a junk burger...
thou I have food at home, do not feel like eating it... guess its the crash time after the high on adrenaline.
IT was funny to see M dance and perform, she seems to be dancing in her own sweet world at her own pace and rhythm. totally an energy out of sync with the others. explains a lot about her self... a bit like Ev.. self absorbed.... but then not as angry but a more gentle self lower energy... which is begging to be guided. Felt that when I tried the finger dance with her..... her whole personalty changed into ecstasy....
She is not a performer,, but she seems to like the attention she is getting there.
Can't help but love her ,,,,
ahhh why this one sided torture.....
and why is it that I attract people that I am not interested in .. why are the ones I am interested in not interested in me.
What if there is something there that I would not like to see in a life partner.. drugs!? atleast she did admit it. Is she taking any now? not sure, she sure as hell is very secretive about what she is upto late weekend nights... did not seem comfortable to share,, seemed uncomfortable..... like it bothered her telling me that piece of information. and she was out way into late night.. wonder what her life is like....
Got to work after the long weekend.
kind of lethargic, got call that my house hold stuff will be delivered today.
so got off work around 3:45 and the delivery guys come around 6..
well atleast this time things dont seem damaged much.. set up the TV now my place looks like a TV shop.
missing the sweetness of M and the so down to earth persona.
well I guess I am not worthy of deserving something as good as that.
feelings waves of depression ,,,
walked over to walmat and in the macdonalds got a fish o fillet and a junk burger...
thou I have food at home, do not feel like eating it... guess its the crash time after the high on adrenaline.
IT was funny to see M dance and perform, she seems to be dancing in her own sweet world at her own pace and rhythm. totally an energy out of sync with the others. explains a lot about her self... a bit like Ev.. self absorbed.... but then not as angry but a more gentle self lower energy... which is begging to be guided. Felt that when I tried the finger dance with her..... her whole personalty changed into ecstasy....
She is not a performer,, but she seems to like the attention she is getting there.
Can't help but love her ,,,,
ahhh why this one sided torture.....
and why is it that I attract people that I am not interested in .. why are the ones I am interested in not interested in me.
What if there is something there that I would not like to see in a life partner.. drugs!? atleast she did admit it. Is she taking any now? not sure, she sure as hell is very secretive about what she is upto late weekend nights... did not seem comfortable to share,, seemed uncomfortable..... like it bothered her telling me that piece of information. and she was out way into late night.. wonder what her life is like....
Monday, May 26, 2014
May 26 2014 Soul mate who is miles, years and phases apart.
Monday May 26 2014
It feels so heart breaking ...to know and realize the person you think is your soul mate and you are at different phases in life, miles apart, years apart ...
Only connection that now remains,,,, is the thin thread via facebook....
****************
Heres my interpretation..... :D
For guys,,,,, -> Forggys only win in stories and not in real life ;) hahaha as bad as it sounds... lets face reality.
It feels so heart breaking ...to know and realize the person you think is your soul mate and you are at different phases in life, miles apart, years apart ...
For some mysterious reason you end up getting a glimpse of her soul,,,,, paths crossing briefly, then are miles apart, just left with the feelings of having seen the doors of heaven and bliss.
You gradually realize that you met the one you have been searching for, in one moment of what felt like a light of enlightening revelation.
you with all of what seems to be the accumulation of all the years of ups and downs that did not make much sense try again and again to reason, pull away, get pulled back, pushed away.
But the feeling of having met the perfect other half of your soul just keeps getting more stronger and more clearer.
Even little piece of revelation of her life feels like it only made the initial il - logical feelings look like the "perfectly right gut instinct" of been attracted to the absolutely right soul.
The simplicity of living life happy with little,
Common threads of personal and professional grounds...
,,,, been natural, living natural, salsa, yoga, kick-boxing,
Soul mates often haunt common grounds...
,, miles apart, years apart and at different phases in life,,,,
that very path you had been walking on and had been thru
years before, you see your soul mate treading thru.
A huge part of you just wants to reach out and say,
I am with you and will be with you hence forth.
with confusing turbulence in your heart,
you reach out in ways that you could,
with no book or check list of do's and dont's,
friends trying to reason an unreasonable soul
a soul in the ecstasy of having met its only other.
foolishly trying to beat the advancing clock.
In desperation and fear of loosing the most important.
but then been at different phases in life,
the miles apart only makes her feel that we are different .....
Will there ever be the perfect meeting and union leading to the synchronous locking of souls and the resulting forever happiness.
Do I wait, live every moment in anticipation..... while other souls try to bite a piece of our perfect made for each other ,, will it be too late ...
or will it just be the criss cross of souls , never to meet again~!?
****************
Heres my interpretation..... :D
Short salsa story created on the fly, inspired by the cartoon by Chakri Gajula and comments made my Ella ;)..... [Thanks guys]
Once upon a time there was a beautiful Swan Ella and a dorky frog Vin. :)
The frogy asked Miss Swan to dance salsa,,,,, she laughed and said "no".
Poor frogy thought hmmm maybe I can impress her with a bachata.
So froggy waited and waited, practiced all his best moves over and over in his head...
And Bachata came, he went over and asked Swany for a dance..... she squinted and said "Nope"...
awww bummer.... Froggy thought, all is not lost, maybe I can impress her with a cha-cha-cha... maybe 3rd time lucky..
So froggy again waited.... went over the smooth moves and transitions over his head and had a cocky smile of satisfaction.
Came Cha-cha-cha... with a spring in his steps he went over to the pretty swan and asked "shall we dance?"... swanny rolled her eyes and said "Nah".
ahhhh man, Froggy thought,, that was my best move... oh well maybe the "Merengue", my last trick...
Came merengue..... forggy, jumped out of his sulky mood, twisted turned, ducked between bodies and like a jenie out of the bottle he was in front of her...
"MERENGUE?" he asked,
with his best imitation of a deep throated latin accent ....
with cold eyes, now melting with pity, she said "Maybe"......
And they dance happily ever after...
Moral of the story: never say "no" when asked for the first time by someone to dance, you never know what you are going to miss out on. :)
For guys,,,,, -> Forggys only win in stories and not in real life ;) hahaha as bad as it sounds... lets face reality.
Sunday, May 25, 2014
May 25 2014 Sunday soul mate!
Sunday May 25 2014
Its kind of strange that I feel I have met my soul mate. Starting with the first fatal attraction towards her smile. Then getting to know bits and pieces of her ,,,, felt like she is the one that I had been fantasizing about my whole life as my perfect mate..... and had the fortune of meeting in mysterious circumstances.
The little I got to know about her, was able to relate too,, the job after college... yoga, martial arts, salsa... no make up... just down to earth living the simple life.... how much more could I have asked for in a perfect soul mate!!???
Just two things that stood out as Red flags
1) her having done or doing drugs
2) refusing to dance with me the merengue. ....
3) probably not been honest about having got back with her boyfriend
why is the universe showing me someone who meets all the criteria of a soul mate and then not letting us unite!?
Feels like a cruel joke.
Just feel that she is at a very different stage in her life of evolving...
going thru what seems to be the same path that you had been thru.... and your heart and soul feels like reaching out and saying... here baby, let me hold you and lets pass thru this together as soul mates are supposed too.
**********************
*-***********************
Its kind of strange that I feel I have met my soul mate. Starting with the first fatal attraction towards her smile. Then getting to know bits and pieces of her ,,,, felt like she is the one that I had been fantasizing about my whole life as my perfect mate..... and had the fortune of meeting in mysterious circumstances.
The little I got to know about her, was able to relate too,, the job after college... yoga, martial arts, salsa... no make up... just down to earth living the simple life.... how much more could I have asked for in a perfect soul mate!!???
Just two things that stood out as Red flags
1) her having done or doing drugs
2) refusing to dance with me the merengue. ....
3) probably not been honest about having got back with her boyfriend
why is the universe showing me someone who meets all the criteria of a soul mate and then not letting us unite!?
Feels like a cruel joke.
Just feel that she is at a very different stage in her life of evolving...
going thru what seems to be the same path that you had been thru.... and your heart and soul feels like reaching out and saying... here baby, let me hold you and lets pass thru this together as soul mates are supposed too.
**********************
Hyderabadi Biriyani... for my Hyderabadi Soul
This kind of touched me..... in my case, I ended up first falling mysteriously for a beautiful smile [one sided] and then was able to forgive the past ones..... felt liberating to be able to let-go of the past hurt and the resulting feelings all cause I could feel the feelings of tender love from my heart again .... so for me it should read,,, when you fall in love ,,, you forgive the past....... or loving heart - > forgives
*****************
felt nice to have run on the thread yesterday... personal best time this year. .. not sure if its cause of running at lower altitude? but felt good and was able to sleep like a log.... well sleep is again all about mental peace brought about by a clear conscious and noble thoughts
*****************
Whenever you are lost, you will be found again.
Lost cannot exist without found. Your heart is not stolen; it is guarded because it was hurt. It's worth opening it again and again to experience the whole gamut of life: the splendor of all the play of opposites with an underlying peace from the awareness of the part of you that has no opposites.
Lost cannot exist without found. Your heart is not stolen; it is guarded because it was hurt. It's worth opening it again and again to experience the whole gamut of life: the splendor of all the play of opposites with an underlying peace from the awareness of the part of you that has no opposites.
MAy 23 Friday
Bored and looking for inspiration !!!!! ... feeling home sick....
So end up watching a movie based on the book written by my cousin.. story based in the lil village of mine ,,,, Mahe, India
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8rAVwDCObzQ
Very interesting to hear some of the characters speak in the dialect spoken in my village... ... missing the land of my ancestors... and all my dear cousins .... Atleast I got to see the coconut trees and the shores of Mahe... the waves tap dancing and creating their own music..... the birds singing "good morning ,, have a beautiful day" every morning....filled with mixed feelings of longing, happiness and sadness,..
++++++++++++
Volunteered, working in the kitchen of the hugging saint last year in Washington DC , met some amazingly down to earth people with amazing attitude and like minded philosophy towards living. Was inspired and motivated to know that there are people in this world who look beyond wealth, looks, material possessions and are focused on doing things for others.... in short-> giving their time and effort for a greater self less good.
Was a bit disappointed when moving away to Edmon...ton... but now fate has got me to LA right on time ....in 2 weeks I will probably be able to meet the same inspiring people (mostly from France and Austria) who can ALSO cook amazing Malu food... [would have married any of them in a heart beat.. hehehe]
[[[I am no fan of any god-man or god-woman],,,,, I just try to soak in the good positive feelings and vibrations of the sweet people who sincerely love to do greater good to others... ]]]
So end up watching a movie based on the book written by my cousin.. story based in the lil village of mine ,,,, Mahe, India
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8rAVwDCObzQ
Very interesting to hear some of the characters speak in the dialect spoken in my village... ... missing the land of my ancestors... and all my dear cousins .... Atleast I got to see the coconut trees and the shores of Mahe... the waves tap dancing and creating their own music..... the birds singing "good morning ,, have a beautiful day" every morning....filled with mixed feelings of longing, happiness and sadness,..
++++++++++++
Volunteered, working in the kitchen of the hugging saint last year in Washington DC , met some amazingly down to earth people with amazing attitude and like minded philosophy towards living. Was inspired and motivated to know that there are people in this world who look beyond wealth, looks, material possessions and are focused on doing things for others.... in short-> giving their time and effort for a greater self less good.
Was a bit disappointed when moving away to Edmon...ton... but now fate has got me to LA right on time ....in 2 weeks I will probably be able to meet the same inspiring people (mostly from France and Austria) who can ALSO cook amazing Malu food... [would have married any of them in a heart beat.. hehehe]
[[[I am no fan of any god-man or god-woman],,,,, I just try to soak in the good positive feelings and vibrations of the sweet people who sincerely love to do greater good to others... ]]]
I am still trying to figure out why powerful congress people are moved to tears cause of her hug,, ?????
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=znRKoXmsfGM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=znRKoXmsfGM
*-***********************
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
May 20, Mirage
Tuesday,, May 20 2014
Was at pi ne waiting for my partner of 10 years to come by... but then it turned out into a head fake.
feeling a bit low,,
got talking with cman.. went for a walk around the beach front.
got back and fell asleep.
Was at pi ne waiting for my partner of 10 years to come by... but then it turned out into a head fake.
feeling a bit low,,
got talking with cman.. went for a walk around the beach front.
got back and fell asleep.
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