Sunday, January 7, 2018

entitled behavior and willing subjects enabling the entitled behavior

Jan 07 2018 , Sunday.



Since 10:30 pm dad who we got to bed around 9:40 started his cranky behavior of wanting to get up and go out. Letting him get up and out of the room he headed straight for the exit doors that were locked and was trying to pull and yank it open, he even tried to exit out of the window thinking that it was the door.
So had to force him back to bed, he kept yelling and getting up again. At one point had try and restrain him. But he kept punching, pinching (caused an inch long gash on my thighs, minor bloody). Around 10:50 threatened him with the hockey stick, hid is chappals/slippers. Guess now around 11:15 he is tired and seems to have cooled down and sleeping.

He said he wanted to go to the bank for his money. Hopefully he forgets what he wanted to get at and sleeps.
But this has been a strongly recurring behavior of him wanting to go out somewhere, mostly assuming his bank to get his pension, but he is not able to vocalize it properly not able to remember his bank. just seems to know that he has to go somewhere.

Mom’s brother came by in the afternoon (entitled piglet). Just comes in and expects room service. And mom like an idiot was at his beck and call serving him lunch around 3pm. That retarded behavior is never going to end in that family. even thou he knows that mom is a heart patient..... should not be straining herself with work. ,, The lady babe had left towards noon for her home to take care of some personal business and some recurring pain in her stomach

Saturday, January 6, 2018

2018 year of taking on the DEMOM Dementia

Jan 06 2018 , Saturday.

hmmmm again,,, on,, but this time from some warm and beautiful weather location. While the world I was in seems to be engulfed in one of the coldest weather conditions.

home front.. dad incrementally loosing his memory, not even able to communicate a sentence properly. Saying words but must have been meaning something else. 

Dementia,,, a cruel demon, that makes men into a kid, in mentality and behavior.

Dementia,,, a cruel demon, that tortures the loved ones who are themselves lost and trying to comprehend about their loved ones change in behavior.. 

,,, the struggle to remember what was once a no-brainier, 
the struggle to remember where the toilet was, 
reaching the toilet and not knowing why one was there, 
the struggle to remember to drink water, 
the struggle to remember how to eat, what to eat.
The struggle or rather the inability to remember to brush ones teeth !!??


Dementia,,, a cruel demon, that turns grown men into a baby, in mentality and behavior.
Dementia,,, a cruel demon, that tortures the loved ones who are themselves lost and trying to comprehend about their loved ones change in behavior..
,,, the struggle to remember, what was once a no-brainier,
the struggle to remember where the toilet was,
reaching the toilet and the struggle to remember, why one was there,
the struggle to remember to drink water,
the struggle to remember how to eat, what to eat.
Sitting down to eat, spoon in hand, staring at the food and wondering , what am I supposed to do now ??
The struggle or rather the inability to remember to brush ones teeth and how to brush !!?? ......
The STRUGGLE !!!

That HEART WARMING golden moment, when dad looks at you, recognizes you after days of blank stares, smiles and seem to say " I am glad, I have you in my corner " !!!!! <3 fills up my heart and makes every moment spent with him, worth it.. 😍


*************************** Jan-4-2017 Thursday


Around 12 noon.. a little while ago, dad had picked up couple of knifes from the kitchen. Had to forcefully take it away from him and move him to the main room.. after reaching the main room he was so pissed off at me ,, that he punched me like 10 times on my face.. lucky that his punches did not have much power behind it.... he was really pissed off.


*************************** Jan-3-2017 Wednesday
Was talking with R. She mentioned that they were not even allowed into the Thiruvangad temple after the British left. Her husband S was among those who forcefully got into the temple close by with the backing of Congress.

To me a Christian is someone who is allowed into the church and visits the church because he/she is welcome there.
A Muslim is someone who is allowed into a mosque and is welcomed there.
Every other religion Jewish, Buddhist, etc,,, are people who are allowed and are welcomed into the religions place of worship that they claim to belong or have affiliation with.
So the question that comes up. How come can we be called Hindus, when our ancestors and relatives were never allowed anywhere near a temple nor welcomed around the vicinity of a temple???

How come suddenly some crooked brahamin says we are all Hindus we become hindus, (when in fact the brahamin is only interested in the donations we are making to fatten his bank account).

In kerala, around 1920’s, SNDP was instrumental in threatening the Travancouver Maharaja and his Brahamnical group of advisers (the Iyers and Iyenggars) that all the Thiyyas and Ezhavas would convert to Buddhism if they were not allowed into the temples.
Fear of becoming a minority with not enough slaves, scared them into agreeing to let lower caste people into the temples ..

Point to ponder… HINDU? WHO? HOW ?   How can anyone with any sense of SELF-RESPECT ever feel affinity towards been a Hindu, when the so said HINDU Brahamis were responsible for raping the aboriginals of the land (the lower caste people)....



Tuesday, June 20, 2017

2017_06-20 Back to Blogging Jun 20 2017

Jun 20 2017 , Tuesday.

hmmmm ,, need to think to start writing, to be inspired.
hahahaha Inspiration, with all the news and talk around focused on Trump and the bull shit crap about Russia. What the hell are all these people expecting to find . That Trump and Russia go way back as buddies. pffff..

well must be the democrats paying back for all the shit that was thrown at obama, about his birth certificate, religion and all kinds of bull shit....

Karma I guess is a Bitch who loves to come back and hound the hunters .. hahahaaha


Saturday, August 20, 2016

I am afraid to love again

Saturday Aug 20 2016

Another bit of creative gushing out of emotions... 

.... afraid to love again

I am afraid

Yes I am afraid to fall in love with someone
who does not care about me
As much as I care about her

Yes I am afraid to fall in love with someone
who does not love me
As much as I love her

Yes I am afraid to fall in love with someone
who does not think about me
As much as I think about her

Yes I am afraid to fall in love with someone
who ignores me
As much as I am focused on her

Yes I am afraid to fall in love with someone
who will never love me
As much as I love her.

Yes I am afraid to fall in love with someone
who will only hurt me
As much as I adore her

Yes I am afraid to fall in love with someone
who dances with a closed heart
As much as I dance with my heart

Yes I am afraid to fall in love with someone

Copy Rights Vi V (Sep 2014)

Monday, August 17, 2015

Lazy warm days some would love to have

Sunday Aug 16 2015

Lazy warm days some would love to have ....


Ahhhhhh my fav Merengue at last after a very long time... Bonus dancing with a curly haired beauty smile emoticon
Followed by an amazing Cumbia... wow what a night at Border line ,, after a very very long time smile emoticon

Sunday, September 7, 2014

Sep 07 2014, ONAM Sunday / Sadhya ,, off to 1000oaks

Sunday Sep 07 2014

Onam....
what an emotional day it was yesterday,,, with raised hopes and expectations ,,, all coming crashing and then raising again and then crashing again.
feeling of wanting to love someone special and to be loved back in return ,,, desperation and what not.... talked with Anl,, who was advising me to start the search the traditional way ,,,, again,, not in a situation to do that at this age... too late.

And the connection on the dance flr with alb,,,,, driving me crazy ,,, addictive ,,, wanting more...  and as per the laws of fuck up that governs my life.... nothing seems to happens was I would want ideally,, not even close to remote... causing more tension and drama than any happiness, love and peace.
REminds me again about....

Note to Self : Stop barking (chasing) up the wrong tree ..,,, again and again. ... please just LEARN,, already,,,,Just trust your basic instinct, have some self discipline and self respect and walk away...
Somethings are not ment to be. If it was ment to be, it will happen smoothly and effortlessly, with out any drama 

Just have to be carefull again about dancing with my heart...., very very dangerous..... 

Now off to 1000 oaks to a new phase of life and start of life... lets see how that goes.

Cheers


Another bit of creative gushing out of emotions... 

.... afraid to love again

I am afraid

Yes I am afraid to fall in love with someone
who does not care about me
As much as I care about her

Yes I am afraid to fall in love with someone
who does not love me
As much as I love her

Yes I am afraid to fall in love with someone
who does not think about me
As much as I think about her

Yes I am afraid to fall in love with someone
who ignores me
As much as I am focused on her

Yes I am afraid to fall in love with someone
who will never love me
As much as I love her.

Yes I am afraid to fall in love with someone
who will only hurt me
As much as I adore her

Yes I am afraid to fall in love with someone
who dances with a closed heart
As much as I dance with my heart

Yes I am afraid to fall in love with someone

Copy Rights Vi V (Sep 2014)

Friday, September 5, 2014

Sep 05 2014..... afraid to love again

Friday Sep 05 2014.... afraid to love again

I am afraid

Yes I am afraid to fall in love with someone
who does not care about me
As much as I care about her

Yes I am afraid to fall in love with someone
who does not love me
As much as I love her

Yes I am afraid to fall in love with someone
who does not think about me
As much as I think about her

Yes I am afraid to fall in love with someone
who ignores me
As much as I am focused on her

Yes I am afraid to fall in love with someone
who will never love me
As much as I love her.

Yes I am afraid to fall in love with someone
who will only hurt me
As much as I adore her

Yes I am afraid to fall in love with someone