Wednesday Nov 23 2011
Waiting for the news from the meeting between nim and mrk.
updated sri in blr about the info, looks like san (the wanna be) already got to him before me.
Watched the video on anger by dalailama... hahaha so true.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A7_0IJTBoNA&feature=share
If only few people realized and were able to control it. But like a few people said, it could be a result of chemical imbalance in their physical body. Some can be cured or kept in check by artificial medicines. But again in some its because of all the anger they developed during their childhood, towards their siblings, towards their parents who neglected them and choose career over parenting.
Meditation is one way to go, helps one learn to calm oneself down, lower the Blood pressure and control the heart rate.
Reading about Buddhism and understanding the philosophical concepts and meaning as applicable to ones own life could help a lot. Especially when the anger is related to our Ego and understanding the effects of our blown up ego, thats constantly seeking attention and approval.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Monday, November 21, 2011
Nov 21 2011,,, Accountability
Monday, Nov 21 2011
Accountability is the word thats striking me every time I am now on facebook. More because of my nephews and niece listing me as their uncle on facebook friends. These future Engineers and Doctors are now turning out to be a big pressure on me on face book. The pressure of living upto the role model they maybe looking upto.
For sometime I was feeling nice to have them on as facebook friends. But now feeling overly self conscious and not able to put up things and subjects that maybe "x" rated or something that I usually express easily with no sense of been accountable.
Was thinking about my life and the gals in my life. Looks like I have a tendency to chase away people. More like testing to see if they are strong material for a life long partnership. And it did not take much to find that out. Lucky me in many ways, that I was able to weed out the superficial and shallow ones.
Been married to them would have only made my life a living hell every day.
The unfortunate and sad part for them, they never really got to know and experience the full and real me, who is the nicest, the most romantic, loyal, sincere, honest, willing to cross the 7 seas for the one who would earn my love with her own self-less, loving and giving attitude of love towards me.....
Nov 20 2011 Sunday.
Spend the day helping nar rake the leaves around his house and assembling the blower. Another lesson learnt.
met some of his other friends from work.
Had a great mutton curry and fried rice with fish curry at his house.
Accountability is the word thats striking me every time I am now on facebook. More because of my nephews and niece listing me as their uncle on facebook friends. These future Engineers and Doctors are now turning out to be a big pressure on me on face book. The pressure of living upto the role model they maybe looking upto.
For sometime I was feeling nice to have them on as facebook friends. But now feeling overly self conscious and not able to put up things and subjects that maybe "x" rated or something that I usually express easily with no sense of been accountable.
Was thinking about my life and the gals in my life. Looks like I have a tendency to chase away people. More like testing to see if they are strong material for a life long partnership. And it did not take much to find that out. Lucky me in many ways, that I was able to weed out the superficial and shallow ones.
Been married to them would have only made my life a living hell every day.
The unfortunate and sad part for them, they never really got to know and experience the full and real me, who is the nicest, the most romantic, loyal, sincere, honest, willing to cross the 7 seas for the one who would earn my love with her own self-less, loving and giving attitude of love towards me.....
Nov 20 2011 Sunday.
Spend the day helping nar rake the leaves around his house and assembling the blower. Another lesson learnt.
met some of his other friends from work.
Had a great mutton curry and fried rice with fish curry at his house.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Nov 19 2011 , Connecting with the past
Saturday, Nov 19 2011
I was great connecting with Vid on facebook and seeing her mail. Wow, who would think that facebook would allow me to connect with one the gals I used to have a crush on when in high school.
She has as expected, has a very mature and intelligent personalty. Something I admired about her. mother of two kids now, who surprisingly look like her.
Connecting with her brought back memories of teen life, the ups, the downs, the struggle of trying to make it, the falls that led to lowering of my self esteem. The memories of family conditions, dad moving away on transfer and me trying to be the one in the family in his absence. Getting screwed in maths cause of lack of direction and the new found freedom and many times mis using the freedom. Guilt of which still haunts me and wish I had done things different.
Well as someone said yesterday, its experience gained when things don't happen the way you wanted it to happen.
Now the daunting decision, should I make the trip to NJ? its almost 2 pm... got lost in the long exchange of mails to vid.
I was great connecting with Vid on facebook and seeing her mail. Wow, who would think that facebook would allow me to connect with one the gals I used to have a crush on when in high school.
She has as expected, has a very mature and intelligent personalty. Something I admired about her. mother of two kids now, who surprisingly look like her.
Connecting with her brought back memories of teen life, the ups, the downs, the struggle of trying to make it, the falls that led to lowering of my self esteem. The memories of family conditions, dad moving away on transfer and me trying to be the one in the family in his absence. Getting screwed in maths cause of lack of direction and the new found freedom and many times mis using the freedom. Guilt of which still haunts me and wish I had done things different.
Well as someone said yesterday, its experience gained when things don't happen the way you wanted it to happen.
Now the daunting decision, should I make the trip to NJ? its almost 2 pm... got lost in the long exchange of mails to vid.
Friday, November 18, 2011
Nov 18 2011 fri ,, the temptation
Friday, Nov 18 2011
Beautiful sunny day, welcome. So good to feel the sun after the gloomy few days of clouds and early darkness,,, dark by about 4:45.
the temptation of going into facebook, every time I get on the computer. Avoided it consciously so far, difficult as it is to go check on whats happening in the world of facebook friends. most of them I hardly know. But the sharing of interesting subject matters and videos makes it very interesting and tempting to get back into.
I remember reading somewhere, that traditions are followed to get people together and share. That is why most of the traditions focus on sharing with the family and friends. There by creating bonds and strengthening existing bonds and making relationship stronger.
Facebook is one tool that seems to broaden the spectrum of sharing and there by creating bonds that would never have.
So why is it so addictive, one reason been that most people who are addicted to it (like me) are looking for some kind of belonging, some kind of constant bond (which all human beings need ). In times different or when relocating from ones native land was not popular, there was the bond and sense of belonging to the family, relatives, the neighborhood, village.
But with the development of transportation, making travel and movement of people around the world easier and faster, relocating to foreign lands have become easier. And as human need for bonding with fellow humans is a requirement as is food. The quest for bonding, to overcome the feelings of loneliness, takes us to the universe of internet and Facebook. Where its feels easier to share thoughts and get into discussions with people who one would not in real life. And it feels easier to open a part of your life to strangers whos name we would not know had it not been for Facebook.
12 to 2 cust expt mgmt... nice conversation.
its about 3:20 need to get out and chill.. cold with the sun out.. maybe out for another hour...need to make the most of it.
Beautiful sunny day, welcome. So good to feel the sun after the gloomy few days of clouds and early darkness,,, dark by about 4:45.
the temptation of going into facebook, every time I get on the computer. Avoided it consciously so far, difficult as it is to go check on whats happening in the world of facebook friends. most of them I hardly know. But the sharing of interesting subject matters and videos makes it very interesting and tempting to get back into.
I remember reading somewhere, that traditions are followed to get people together and share. That is why most of the traditions focus on sharing with the family and friends. There by creating bonds and strengthening existing bonds and making relationship stronger.
Facebook is one tool that seems to broaden the spectrum of sharing and there by creating bonds that would never have.
So why is it so addictive, one reason been that most people who are addicted to it (like me) are looking for some kind of belonging, some kind of constant bond (which all human beings need ). In times different or when relocating from ones native land was not popular, there was the bond and sense of belonging to the family, relatives, the neighborhood, village.
But with the development of transportation, making travel and movement of people around the world easier and faster, relocating to foreign lands have become easier. And as human need for bonding with fellow humans is a requirement as is food. The quest for bonding, to overcome the feelings of loneliness, takes us to the universe of internet and Facebook. Where its feels easier to share thoughts and get into discussions with people who one would not in real life. And it feels easier to open a part of your life to strangers whos name we would not know had it not been for Facebook.
12 to 2 cust expt mgmt... nice conversation.
its about 3:20 need to get out and chill.. cold with the sun out.. maybe out for another hour...need to make the most of it.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Nov 17 2011, Staying away from Facebook.
Thursday, Nov 17 2011
Trying to stay away from Facebook. wasting a lot of time I could have productively put to use in improving my knowledge and life.
Retrospect:
Will people who are predominantly selfish be able to understand the other person,,,,, nope, not in my experience.
Any signs of selfishness, RUN,
Because every family seems to have one, who is mamas kid or dadads kid... and many in the western world are from nuclear families, who don't even know their first cousins, unlike in more conservative countries where there is a lot of bonding between family memebers. I have on my facebook, the kids of my cousin sister, cousin brother and cousin sisters grand kids... This kind of family bonding usually instills more team behavior, and there are also very selfish people in my family, and their behavior and NON-attachment towards the family stands out.
So one of the criteria if one is in search of a loyal life partner for long term stability and happiness would be to look for this feature in a potential partner.
The closer they are and talk about the other people in their family, the more they are groomed as team players. They are usually caring and are inclined to listen to what the other is saying and not act all angry and screwed up and attack you for even having a different opinion and make you look like the biggest villain in world history.
got call from anl wanting to know the address of a Doc, I had left the phone in the wash room and did not hear any,, just heard a mild ringing towards the end. had 3 missed calls.
called him back.... latter he realized that he was calling me up from the address I gave him... hehehe.. new building and new address of doc so was not turning up on his Gps.
2:25 pm ahhhh so tempting to get back into facebook. its really an addiction.
well will see who will triumph and how long I can stay away from it.
If I can stay away from it for more than 24hrs it would be an achievement.
10 more hours to go for the day to end and maybe hitting the bed early would help me and contribute to another 8hrs.. then to dray thru fri and the weekends....
went for walk around 5 that turned into a mini run,, was wearing jeans.. boy was it cold out there, chill wind blowing. got back after about 2.5 miles. legs are now aching.
7:30 and back to the 3 hrs of project classes. upto 10:30 to 10:45 pm...
Trying to stay away from Facebook. wasting a lot of time I could have productively put to use in improving my knowledge and life.
Retrospect:
Will people who are predominantly selfish be able to understand the other person,,,,, nope, not in my experience.
Any signs of selfishness, RUN,
Because every family seems to have one, who is mamas kid or dadads kid... and many in the western world are from nuclear families, who don't even know their first cousins, unlike in more conservative countries where there is a lot of bonding between family memebers. I have on my facebook, the kids of my cousin sister, cousin brother and cousin sisters grand kids... This kind of family bonding usually instills more team behavior, and there are also very selfish people in my family, and their behavior and NON-attachment towards the family stands out.
So one of the criteria if one is in search of a loyal life partner for long term stability and happiness would be to look for this feature in a potential partner.
The closer they are and talk about the other people in their family, the more they are groomed as team players. They are usually caring and are inclined to listen to what the other is saying and not act all angry and screwed up and attack you for even having a different opinion and make you look like the biggest villain in world history.
got call from anl wanting to know the address of a Doc, I had left the phone in the wash room and did not hear any,, just heard a mild ringing towards the end. had 3 missed calls.
called him back.... latter he realized that he was calling me up from the address I gave him... hehehe.. new building and new address of doc so was not turning up on his Gps.
2:25 pm ahhhh so tempting to get back into facebook. its really an addiction.
well will see who will triumph and how long I can stay away from it.
If I can stay away from it for more than 24hrs it would be an achievement.
10 more hours to go for the day to end and maybe hitting the bed early would help me and contribute to another 8hrs.. then to dray thru fri and the weekends....
went for walk around 5 that turned into a mini run,, was wearing jeans.. boy was it cold out there, chill wind blowing. got back after about 2.5 miles. legs are now aching.
7:30 and back to the 3 hrs of project classes. upto 10:30 to 10:45 pm...
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Nov 16, 2011 the wait continues
Wednesday, Nov 16 2011
And so continues the wait for the date.
Kind of reminds me of the time I was waiting for the approval of US visa in India, waking up every day, with a feeling of uncertainty, not know which direction life is going to go. The days when life makes you feel helpless as things are pending because of external factors.
But the good news, is that I am able to do some courses and have time to do things that would help me improve myself. Just have to de-focus on the things I can do.
Have to do the packing up too..... thou about 65 percent is done.
The wait,, and the test of patience... :) beauty of life.
Around afternoon, called up nim again and got to him,,, said mrk was putting off to coordinate with his business team and hence the delay in letting us know the start date, worst case scenario, start date is Jan.
ahhh now I have a deadline to meet for the renewal of my current lease.... been here for 4 months.. and no more 1 month extension. have to sign a 3 month lease at the minimum, paying 100 more..
And so continues the wait for the date.
Kind of reminds me of the time I was waiting for the approval of US visa in India, waking up every day, with a feeling of uncertainty, not know which direction life is going to go. The days when life makes you feel helpless as things are pending because of external factors.
But the good news, is that I am able to do some courses and have time to do things that would help me improve myself. Just have to de-focus on the things I can do.
Have to do the packing up too..... thou about 65 percent is done.
The wait,, and the test of patience... :) beauty of life.
Around afternoon, called up nim again and got to him,,, said mrk was putting off to coordinate with his business team and hence the delay in letting us know the start date, worst case scenario, start date is Jan.
ahhh now I have a deadline to meet for the renewal of my current lease.... been here for 4 months.. and no more 1 month extension. have to sign a 3 month lease at the minimum, paying 100 more..
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