May 12 2011 Thursday,
Its a brand new day. Feeling a bit more charged up and positive. So different from yesterdays uncertainty.
Well the uncertainty is still there, but a bit more focused on the tasks at hand and the courses I need to complete offered by my company Cog. As I have just one exact month left with the worse case scenario of having to be let go cause of unavailability of projects.
Gave my 60 day notice to the Apartment people. it was anyways due.
lets see what I can get done today.
Fighting the feelings of home sickness and nostalgia.
ahh why is life so complicated, when all I want is a simple life where I can have a simple loving wife and be able to provide for my family and give my kids access to the best education possible.
Thought that I met one simple gal in Eva, but turned out her values and moral standards of character were different from mine. ahhh all for blindly falling in love,,,,, still there is a corner in my heart that loves her and wishes that she had not done some things. Cause Trust is a huge thing, once broken its a very tough thing to over come. All the lies she said has left me with so many questions of why????
Well thats the choice she made and that defines her as a person she is.
back to the business of working out a bit and then attack the pmp or sales force online course.
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
May 11 2011, Lost and Confused
May 11 2011, Wednesday,
Feeling of been lost and full of confusion, not sure where all my life is heading. Just got mail yesterday about 1 month notice from work.
Thou was expecting something like this to an extend after my trip to india, it filled me up with confusion as to what to do and how to go about this.
Jun 13 2011, last date of lease at this apt too..... so confusing.
Where to go, where to move, do I have to try looking for another apartment? do I just put my stuff in storage and then move to Canada?
what about the car registration? the insurance??
getting tired of all the move and unstable life, people say why can't u take a job thats stable. Where is any job secure these days?
everything comes with an expiry date. Just that the dates seem to have too frequently for me and fills me with sense of lose and hopelessness. Is it age catching up with me and wanting to just retire to a calm peaceful place?
OR
is this all the result of Jet lag,,, 48hrs travel door to door and the total change in sleep rythm... 10 hrs diff.
Its been a week. getting some emotional support from a few friends who all seem to be having a steady life.... funny all of them got US green card or Citizenship.
Nice to get mails from malin who just got back from greece, she seems to have had a great time there. and also from De who is in VA this week.
will miss them all as I get ready to be kicked out of philly now.....
guess I should start packing slowly and try to get card-board boxes.
Was nice also talking with Lubo. sweet and honest person. kind of felt nostalgia about it. Also with the possibility of getting the project in Slovakia or Czech.. lets see keeping fingers crossed.
wish I had lots of money, about 2 to 5 million Dollars then could have just retired in Mahe..... sweet sleepy place filled with greenery all over.
around afternoon posted the mail to Canada revenue with the 8dollars and change of past due.
Then got my gas filled .. that was about dollar 50 for a full tank. used to be about 30 dollars a few months ago. Surely the prices of other things are going to be affected soon.
Then got back to the room, talked with Anl and decided to put in my 60 day noitice period will end up paying about 1500 next month on. got to see how that works with the mid of month end of lease.
Had a pleasent chat with Malin she seems to be on the move again going to the west coast to see her sis. seems to be happy that I did not get married on my trip to india or get hitched. :)
well atleast she had some encouraging words to say.
wanted to go for a run ended up walking,, found out that was just 3 kms... talked with balaji for sometime and told him a bit about my trip
Feeling of been lost and full of confusion, not sure where all my life is heading. Just got mail yesterday about 1 month notice from work.
Thou was expecting something like this to an extend after my trip to india, it filled me up with confusion as to what to do and how to go about this.
Jun 13 2011, last date of lease at this apt too..... so confusing.
Where to go, where to move, do I have to try looking for another apartment? do I just put my stuff in storage and then move to Canada?
what about the car registration? the insurance??
getting tired of all the move and unstable life, people say why can't u take a job thats stable. Where is any job secure these days?
everything comes with an expiry date. Just that the dates seem to have too frequently for me and fills me with sense of lose and hopelessness. Is it age catching up with me and wanting to just retire to a calm peaceful place?
OR
is this all the result of Jet lag,,, 48hrs travel door to door and the total change in sleep rythm... 10 hrs diff.
Its been a week. getting some emotional support from a few friends who all seem to be having a steady life.... funny all of them got US green card or Citizenship.
Nice to get mails from malin who just got back from greece, she seems to have had a great time there. and also from De who is in VA this week.
will miss them all as I get ready to be kicked out of philly now.....
guess I should start packing slowly and try to get card-board boxes.
Was nice also talking with Lubo. sweet and honest person. kind of felt nostalgia about it. Also with the possibility of getting the project in Slovakia or Czech.. lets see keeping fingers crossed.
wish I had lots of money, about 2 to 5 million Dollars then could have just retired in Mahe..... sweet sleepy place filled with greenery all over.
around afternoon posted the mail to Canada revenue with the 8dollars and change of past due.
Then got my gas filled .. that was about dollar 50 for a full tank. used to be about 30 dollars a few months ago. Surely the prices of other things are going to be affected soon.
Then got back to the room, talked with Anl and decided to put in my 60 day noitice period will end up paying about 1500 next month on. got to see how that works with the mid of month end of lease.
Had a pleasent chat with Malin she seems to be on the move again going to the west coast to see her sis. seems to be happy that I did not get married on my trip to india or get hitched. :)
well atleast she had some encouraging words to say.
wanted to go for a run ended up walking,, found out that was just 3 kms... talked with balaji for sometime and told him a bit about my trip
Monday, May 9, 2011
May 09 2011, back to base :)
9th May 2011,
Back to the world of comforts and independence.
After a hectic Round the globe and visiting 3 countries, well 3.5 if I count the stop over and brief interaction with the locals of Spain and US.
Got a better impression of Qatar , not as bad as people were making it out to be. Loved the old Arabic architecture and mix of modern buildings. Not as grand as Dubai, but looking good never the less. Wish I had a opportunity to dance salsa there.
Got back to Philly and had my first Hike at the place I had the best hike last year. Met a few new people, interesting to meet a French gal Estelle, who was so calm and heart warming.
Went to visit Nar and family yesterday and dropped of the goodies from kerala.
So sad to see his baby having problems with pollen.
Not sure how long I will be here in CTS. got a kind of notice from Bos, so have to start looking for the next project on my own.
And most of all get running again and shed the loads of fat accumulation.
Kerala/mahe trip was kind of a sad one with aunts illness looming over everyone. So did not go visiting relatives , in a way great as I did not have to answer to all their wedding related questions and attack on my personal life. Well if its ment to be, I might find the one who loves me for what I am and I can love her back intense as if it was my first and only love.
But if its not, its okay too, I will just love myself as much and intensely :)
Back to the world of comforts and independence.
After a hectic Round the globe and visiting 3 countries, well 3.5 if I count the stop over and brief interaction with the locals of Spain and US.
Got a better impression of Qatar , not as bad as people were making it out to be. Loved the old Arabic architecture and mix of modern buildings. Not as grand as Dubai, but looking good never the less. Wish I had a opportunity to dance salsa there.
Got back to Philly and had my first Hike at the place I had the best hike last year. Met a few new people, interesting to meet a French gal Estelle, who was so calm and heart warming.
Went to visit Nar and family yesterday and dropped of the goodies from kerala.
So sad to see his baby having problems with pollen.
Not sure how long I will be here in CTS. got a kind of notice from Bos, so have to start looking for the next project on my own.
And most of all get running again and shed the loads of fat accumulation.
Kerala/mahe trip was kind of a sad one with aunts illness looming over everyone. So did not go visiting relatives , in a way great as I did not have to answer to all their wedding related questions and attack on my personal life. Well if its ment to be, I might find the one who loves me for what I am and I can love her back intense as if it was my first and only love.
But if its not, its okay too, I will just love myself as much and intensely :)
Thursday, March 24, 2011
MAR 24, 24hrs to go
Thursday, Mar 24 2011,
About 24 hrs to go before heading to the middle east. And hopefully reach home soon.
Thou not a very happy situation I am going into with the gloom of sadness in the family.
It was nice communicating with ap and getting to know the true self of another lier. So glad I got to know the truth much earlier and don't have to make effort to even think twice.
The same selfish pattern of behavior, just thinking that others are fools that can be taken for granted and for a ride. Thank you god for keeping such people out of my life.
Its so funny that all of them have the same signature dialogues and high sense of insecurity about themselves and the way they address their opinion about other people and other cultures. Most importantly they do not seem to have an feeling of attachment towards their own culture and seem to be wanting to belong to another culture.
Guess it all starts with them lying to themselves and in the process end up believing their own lies and expect others to believe their lies too.
Biggest example was chika of japan, a self confessed chronic cheat. So sad that they tend to attribute their behavior to external factors and not even for a second think in terms of moral, morality and sense of been truthful and honest. Which I believe is the foundation for all the stable cultures and back bone of their survival.
About 24 hrs to go before heading to the middle east. And hopefully reach home soon.
Thou not a very happy situation I am going into with the gloom of sadness in the family.
It was nice communicating with ap and getting to know the true self of another lier. So glad I got to know the truth much earlier and don't have to make effort to even think twice.
The same selfish pattern of behavior, just thinking that others are fools that can be taken for granted and for a ride. Thank you god for keeping such people out of my life.
Its so funny that all of them have the same signature dialogues and high sense of insecurity about themselves and the way they address their opinion about other people and other cultures. Most importantly they do not seem to have an feeling of attachment towards their own culture and seem to be wanting to belong to another culture.
Guess it all starts with them lying to themselves and in the process end up believing their own lies and expect others to believe their lies too.
Biggest example was chika of japan, a self confessed chronic cheat. So sad that they tend to attribute their behavior to external factors and not even for a second think in terms of moral, morality and sense of been truthful and honest. Which I believe is the foundation for all the stable cultures and back bone of their survival.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Mar 22, Beautiful grey day
Tuesday, Mar 22 2011
Beautiful day with tones of Grey.
Had a good cumbia dance yesterday after a very long time. wish they played more cumbia, its so touching and heart felt.
Beautiful day with tones of Grey.
Had a good cumbia dance yesterday after a very long time. wish they played more cumbia, its so touching and heart felt.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Mar 21, calm day
Monday, Mar 21 2011
Calm day, got mail back from d about her been busy with work and not having gone out to dance.
looks like something is up.
neways.
a peaceful day, got a bit of PMP done.
Finishing up the food in the fridge before the month long trip. in a state of confusion and sadness thinking of aunt going thru the hopeless feelings caused by cancer. I am sure if she had her own family things would have been different. Again money playing a big role in the longevity of a person and their ability to afford treatment.
Got call from din, she was speaking like a drunk sailor or better still like a wanna be white trash. wonder what happened to the sweet little girl I had seen many years ago. funny how she and apar do not communicate. Must be all the negativity that din seems to be throwing around, more so to cover her feelings of her over weight appearence. well that does not give her the right to talk trash about others.
Calm day, got mail back from d about her been busy with work and not having gone out to dance.
looks like something is up.
neways.
a peaceful day, got a bit of PMP done.
Finishing up the food in the fridge before the month long trip. in a state of confusion and sadness thinking of aunt going thru the hopeless feelings caused by cancer. I am sure if she had her own family things would have been different. Again money playing a big role in the longevity of a person and their ability to afford treatment.
Got call from din, she was speaking like a drunk sailor or better still like a wanna be white trash. wonder what happened to the sweet little girl I had seen many years ago. funny how she and apar do not communicate. Must be all the negativity that din seems to be throwing around, more so to cover her feelings of her over weight appearence. well that does not give her the right to talk trash about others.
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