Aug 02 2010 Mon,, start of 1st week

Monday Aug 02 2010
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Great start after spending time alone in contemplation and enjoying time with my self. Got a lot of things done and also started reading a book by John Grisham, yesterda, Don't remember the last time I was reading a book.

Never the less, fell asleep early and then as usual moved from the couch to the bed around 1am troubled a bit by the acidity from eating the spicy chicken curry I got to make yesterday. Got to balance it with yogurt.

Well woke up 5am but tried to mediate with a sleepy head. Hope tomorrow I will just get out and freshen up, have a shower and then mediate.

Birthday day month,,,, should call up mom, naryan, and others....

Got to work early , Ashish was introduced to the off shore team as the new PM. Got chatting with eva, she seems to get angry or touchy for no reason at all. Tried to explain to her. Looks like its more of her own EGO and Arrogance that seems to make her think that no should tell her anything and that she is too way up above anyone to be told anything. Guess I just have to take the why should I even care and bother about you, if you know everything and you are way up above all and do not need any kind of help from anyone or just me, so be it. I should just try to control my own foolishness of overly caring and I should feel less bad or hurt cause of her reaction. :)

Get to the war room around 9:30 only to have Tanya come in for their meeting so was not able to test out the screen pop for call coming thru .

Afternoon go and get AAA memebership. basic.

Then go over to the Honda show room to get a quote. damm the part cost about 33 dollars and the labour was like 150 to fix the latch that opens the hood.

need to send across the fax with the details of the damage and see what I can get out off that from the moving company.

around 3pm get a msg from sangi asking me about the pop. Tell her I am working on it and will get it across to her in the night.

then 4 to 6:30 there was the KT from Kris to Ashish so after that I go to the war room do a few more tests with modifications and send my report and suggestion to Sangi @7:30.

Get home around 7:50 kind of exhausted, wondering if I should really go for salsa as I promised Laura from Dominican republic. Check the mail to see a mail from her saying that she is tired too, so tell her not to worry as I was at work for 13 plus hrs and I am exhausted too.

Then get a mail from malini telling me how exhausted she is from taking her parents around for the past month or so and wanted to go out with me as soon as they are get on to the flight to India. hmmm

Tell her about my wanting to go to Europe, soak in the culture and go hiking in czech and slovakia and maybe go to greece, check out some museums and history.

No mood to go out running either, mentally kind of exhausted.

watch baseball world junior between Tai-pe and austraila . happy to see aussies get beaten.

okaay might as well catch up on the John grisham novel and see what the plot is evolving into.
Its funny how he was describing about the pain the hero was going thru because his wife left him and went on to marry someone else with out any explanaiton. And I was able to feel his pain and the hundred thousand questions that creeep up cause of the actions of women who think that they are above any kind of accountability.
So proud and arrogant that they think that they are above every one , Divas who think that men are just born to be their slaves. Well good for such women.

Well some men are like that too,
Just today afternoon, when I tired to tell murali that he could get a $14 worth of certificate for the test he cleared. His reaction was, "what will I do with that". Good question, but the way he worded it and said, was full of Arrogance and huge Ego, like these things do not matter at all and that I was a fool to even suggest something nice for him. Its a certificate for soft skills of business communications, a great add on to the Resume. But with that attitude, next time I hope I am more in control and not even think or rather try my best to recommend anything that I think is good for him. Because I am not interested in been at the receiving end of someone elses Eogistical Arrogance and feeling of Superiority. If you think that you are superior, okay, just have fun with your life.
All I have to do is harden my feelings of wanting to do good and help ya. And let nature teach you good or bad, or give you good or bad, or help u positively or negatively or help you prevent or help you progress ,,,,,

AUG 01 2010 sun and month of Bdays

Sunday August 1st 2010
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Woke up on the couch 5am. hahahaha guess was not able to reach the BRoom.
then started making a list of things to do. Should stop slacking off, anyways today and this week week the forecast is rain.
let me get cracking.

Jul 31,, hiking on a sat

Saturday, Jul 31 2010
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woke up around 6:30 not able to sleep after that. Good sign of habit paying off. try to lay down on the couch, but the hang over of yesterday nights drinking still has its affect also that of the coffee..

got to get out by 9 to be at Sidneys house by 9:45am. hiking the --- "Explore Wild Wissahickon"

yeaaa there are 33 people today,,will be nice to meet new people :) will my ideal partner be in this group? hehehehe,,
My msn.com lovescope for Today says

Your Lovescope - Today, July. 31, 2010
Someone special whom you care for dearly may be away on vacation, and you might not have heard from this person for a few days. Don't let yourself fall into the trap of either making yourself crazy with worry, or deciding your friend doesn't like you anymore and hasn't phoned because there's someone else. Travelers tend to get busy enjoying their holidays! Find something interesting to do and be patient.

Ahhhh I was kind of getting worried about Eva not appearing on Google chat. Maybe that explains hehehehe..cheers there is always something that makes sense in this world

Got to the hike, there were about 36 people. wow a huge crowd. Make it back by 2, then went to whole foods car pooling and had lunch and a beer. damm getting drunk since yesterday.

no more alcohol for sometime for me.

came home and then just passed out. woke up around 11 and felt fresh ,,,so there goes this weeks salsa.

Jul 30th Fri, fine reading

Friday Jul 30 2010
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Woke up @ 1:30 from couch and moved to Bed. then woke up at 4. Guess I fell asleep after a hard day at work yesterday. IT was interesting day. not yet productive as much as I hoped.

Then got out of bed when the alarm went off @5 with an Ommmm Namaaaa Shivayyaaa. repeated a few time with emphasis and foucus on the OOOOmmmmmmm. Felt good.

Then opened up internet to read the interesting material about astrology and its planetary . It is nice reading material and interesting to follow and to check if what they say happens. Observe and compare.

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On July 29, Mars moves into Libra for a brief but potent stay until September 14. It is being said in the astrology world that this is going to be period of revolutionary changes. These changes may be personal, relationship-oriented, or community-based, it may affect nations and even have global significance, but whatever is about to occur will probably be rather memorable or one for the history books.

Mars moves into Libra and promptly runs into a highly strung, rather disruptive, not to say explosive opposition to Uranus on July 30 and a teeth-gritting, impatient, accident prone conjunction to Saturn on July 31. Tempers will flare, plans will get chopped and change with everyone going in opposite directions.

The mood out in the world will be insecure. Playing it cool will be crucial. However tempting it might be, this is not the time to over-react to provocation.

Focus your energy on what can be done right away. Also, be aware that Mars in Libra gets especially annoyed about unfairness and injustice. So if feel you are being treated unfairly or see others in that position, you'll be out there arguing the case to right the wrongs.

Once we survive the early days of August, we will be asked to arrive at decisions by being objective, balanced and listening to both sides of an argument before making judgements. Mars can be rather brash and tactless but it mellows in Libra to become co-operative and more refined. So there'll be a greater understanding of the need for compromise to keep relationships running along smoothly. Resolutions and solutions should be arrived at through diplomacy and communication.

=****** this weeks forecast ,,,, ;o) very interesting
When Ceres squares both Venus and the Moon on Thursday, the wrong lover is worse than no lover. On Friday, Jupiter is quincunx Mercury and conjunct the Aries Moon as you glimpse your ideal partner. When sensitive Ceres trines the Moon on Sunday, you'll know you're home.


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So today I am going to see the glimpse of my ideal partner, cheers how? will she be just passing by in her car or in a bus and I get to see her pass by, hehehe, that would be funny. But so true about wrong lover is wrose than no lover.

I guess I can see there is some sudden change in plan. There was supposed to be a farewell party for one of the guys who has his last day at this client. And today morning we get to know that he is not able to make it so the farewell lunch party got cancelled. :(
Awww I did not cook yesterday night as I was planning on having lunch out at the party today.

So around 12 went to McDonalds with the new guy Kabir Anway (pronounced as Onooy in bengali). he is new and wanted to go to a US Mcdonalds. Then met his room mate in the Company guest house who is also going off today to Brussels Beligium. Had a very interesting talk with them both about their European experience. I am so charged up to go to Europe, they told me the same stories that Eva told me about paris, Rome, Amsterdam, London. Been a guy who is into culture and history out of interest, it really spiked up my intrest to go there.

McDonalds it seems had saved even these guys who did not like the French food much. The brussels going guy did not like the Italian pizza either. thats interesting.

Just got msg that the 3:30 meeting got put off to Aug 4 at 11:30,, hehehe,, the sudden changes are coming and people going in opposite direction.

Then the 4:30 KT Knowledge Transfer secession gets moved to 3:30.. end up been there till 6:30\ Then drive Anoy to the wine shop. he wanted Hinekien beer, but they did not have any beer. That was a first, no beer in a Wine and Spirits shop. So they tell us to go to the next shopping mall. Thats another huge layout, we go there and as soon as we enter we see a Hinekien truck, so I decide to follow the truck, it went around in circles and then in the end it took us to the Beer shop. Which had just all kinds of beers.

then I decide to stop at my home on the way back to his house and then fix us both a vodka and juice. We start talking about the people we work with and he told me the reason he is not going to VKs house and rather going to penbrook itself. Sounded logical.

Then we take off and go to his place, his room mate is going to Belgium merck office. ahh how I wish I could go to Europe.

We start having the beer and then jimbean whisky.. wow I was getting really drunk.

I was again surprised by the way his room mate was talking about his greatness at job and his great position with the client and felt funny and sick that everyone who is just out of India is so obessed with Position and hierarchy of self greatness, and this guy just worked for about 4 year, what will his ego end up if he would have worked like me for about 18 years???

Anyways we had a series of debates, where he was just going on repeating the stuff he said and dragging his stories to explain small points.

That kind of screwed up my Salsa for the night. had dinner with them and then talked for a few more and got home. The coffee I had at McDonalds was still working as I was not feeling sleepy, facebook chatted with Anjali and geetha aechi for a few. then decided to go for hiking tomorrow.. damm its already 3:30am and I need to atleast sleep a bit.

Jul 29 Thu

Thursday Jul 29 2010
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was not able to go running yesterday. but woke up early before 5 and was lazing in bed till the alarm went off, hit snooze for 10 mins, and then got out @ 5:10am. why is there is laziness to get out of bed, why the lethargy,

Chatted a bit with Eva and Kiran.. kiran wanted to know what happened to the relation with Eva, told him she is now in india. :( and things did not happen the way we wanted it to happen.

Then had an interesting chat with Eva. Thou I was not able to tell her or give the right explanation. I wish we could have sat face to face and talked about things like civilized people and do away with all the sick mis understanding of each others actions and the resulting hurt. Clear of the webs and interference caused by other people, who may have had good intentions or foolishness of inexperience's.
people who tried to out do themselves not knowing much. Well its my foolishness and desparation also to contact them and to expect some kind of magic to happen from them.

One thing that Eva did not understand was that I am not her Enemy. But she tended to behave in such a way that I am more interested in damaging her. If I had those intentions, I would not have had strong opposition of her going to India in the first place.

And when I raise the issues with the past about her with Igor, or with others, it was for me one to know for sure that she was not having feelings for them or feelings or regret of not been with them. And two to know that she has learnt from that experience and will not let things like that happen again. But her tendency was to just barge ahead in life with out wanting to analyze of learn any lesson from the past. Which I am sure has resulted in her going and falling head over heals for Amit, Rishit and I am not sure who else she seems to have a soft corner for.

Not sure if she is still the same girl I fell in love with or has she, after the heat and indian experience opened up to some other kind of life and living.!!!!!????

Well got a series of meeting that I need to attend today, most important the ones with the Avaya team. to resolve the politics of non-coperation from them. Deeply supect that these guys are scared of loosing their job and have built up a wall around themselve and seem to be getting angry at things when people ask them questions.

Found the can of Milk I forgot was there, was using the new one I brought on sunday, expiry date of the old one is Jul 31, when I opened it, looked like it turned into a kind of yogurt. not sure if its good to have.!!!!

Issue with Vaccine call center and order mgmt call.

Got home, with plans of getting things done and to cook if possible, and go for a run, ended up resting for a few mins and kaboom don't know when I passed out.

Jul 28 Wed, meeting cancelled

Wednesday, Jul 28, 2010
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woke up as usual and then just barely made it past the first rail gate and got stuck at the 2nd.
But again was the frist to log on to the conf at 7am

Slowly people come in and the conf ends around 7:45am
in between check evas blog about her trip, hiking in manali and watching indian movie.

Then latter get chatting with her about life, purpose.. hehe latter on the phone she said the same thing that I was thinking.. born and then death. The death part is the sad part that has been troubling me.

10am meeting status with client. told sangeeta about the confusion in tonys understanding of CTI. So she asked me to talk about that in tomorrows meeting. The sad part is that the Avaya guys are only going to be ready with their coding by Sep 9 instead of Aug 10 that I was initially planned. That means that my trip to Czech will have to be pushed back after Sep 9th.

Returned home for lunch
Called up eva after lunch and chatted with her for about 30 mins. explained to her the story of my been betrayed by the other gals in my life.

3:30pm Knowledge transfer KT, by kris as he is heading off to India for 3 weeks. mostly slept thru it. then 4:30 the usual but last secession of Analytic s.

Got home around 6pm wondering to salsa or not... lets see how I feel after resting a bit.

got a call from Jose of satyam talked about the present market and how uncertain our future is. He got promoted to Proj Manager.

July 27th Tuesday Expression of emotion

Tuesday Jul 27th 2010
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Woke up again a few times with weird dreams. Alarm from the iPhone went off at 5am put it to snooze and got out at 530am.
Saw Evas mail. felt nice reading it.

I wonder why I am sometimes not able to talk and open up when talking. I want to say so many things, but then just don't end up saying it. Was able to put it into words when writing the mail. Guess when we are talking I am just happy listening and getting to know about the other persons life and their happiness. And then just like to push some things that I should be talking out to the back and that just keeps becoming bigger and bigger emotional pain.

Maybe its a good thing to talk as it feels lighter after opening up.

Reach work in a hurry at 7am only to find that the meeting has been cancelled . :( bummer.

so end up reading Eva updates on her blog and chating with her.

Also saw the email exchange between ajit, nirmal and venu regarding the new gal that will be working from india supporting the work from bengaluru.
Will I be one of the persons complaining or loosing my job to Indian tech. hehehe.