Thursday Jul 29 2010
====================
was not able to go running yesterday. but woke up early before 5 and was lazing in bed till the alarm went off, hit snooze for 10 mins, and then got out @ 5:10am. why is there is laziness to get out of bed, why the lethargy,
Chatted a bit with Eva and Kiran.. kiran wanted to know what happened to the relation with Eva, told him she is now in india. :( and things did not happen the way we wanted it to happen.
Then had an interesting chat with Eva. Thou I was not able to tell her or give the right explanation. I wish we could have sat face to face and talked about things like civilized people and do away with all the sick mis understanding of each others actions and the resulting hurt. Clear of the webs and interference caused by other people, who may have had good intentions or foolishness of inexperience's.
people who tried to out do themselves not knowing much. Well its my foolishness and desparation also to contact them and to expect some kind of magic to happen from them.
One thing that Eva did not understand was that I am not her Enemy. But she tended to behave in such a way that I am more interested in damaging her. If I had those intentions, I would not have had strong opposition of her going to India in the first place.
And when I raise the issues with the past about her with Igor, or with others, it was for me one to know for sure that she was not having feelings for them or feelings or regret of not been with them. And two to know that she has learnt from that experience and will not let things like that happen again. But her tendency was to just barge ahead in life with out wanting to analyze of learn any lesson from the past. Which I am sure has resulted in her going and falling head over heals for Amit, Rishit and I am not sure who else she seems to have a soft corner for.
Not sure if she is still the same girl I fell in love with or has she, after the heat and indian experience opened up to some other kind of life and living.!!!!!????
Well got a series of meeting that I need to attend today, most important the ones with the Avaya team. to resolve the politics of non-coperation from them. Deeply supect that these guys are scared of loosing their job and have built up a wall around themselve and seem to be getting angry at things when people ask them questions.
Found the can of Milk I forgot was there, was using the new one I brought on sunday, expiry date of the old one is Jul 31, when I opened it, looked like it turned into a kind of yogurt. not sure if its good to have.!!!!
Issue with Vaccine call center and order mgmt call.
Got home, with plans of getting things done and to cook if possible, and go for a run, ended up resting for a few mins and kaboom don't know when I passed out.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Jul 28 Wed, meeting cancelled
Wednesday, Jul 28, 2010
-----------------------
woke up as usual and then just barely made it past the first rail gate and got stuck at the 2nd.
But again was the frist to log on to the conf at 7am
Slowly people come in and the conf ends around 7:45am
in between check evas blog about her trip, hiking in manali and watching indian movie.
Then latter get chatting with her about life, purpose.. hehe latter on the phone she said the same thing that I was thinking.. born and then death. The death part is the sad part that has been troubling me.
10am meeting status with client. told sangeeta about the confusion in tonys understanding of CTI. So she asked me to talk about that in tomorrows meeting. The sad part is that the Avaya guys are only going to be ready with their coding by Sep 9 instead of Aug 10 that I was initially planned. That means that my trip to Czech will have to be pushed back after Sep 9th.
Returned home for lunch
Called up eva after lunch and chatted with her for about 30 mins. explained to her the story of my been betrayed by the other gals in my life.
3:30pm Knowledge transfer KT, by kris as he is heading off to India for 3 weeks. mostly slept thru it. then 4:30 the usual but last secession of Analytic s.
Got home around 6pm wondering to salsa or not... lets see how I feel after resting a bit.
got a call from Jose of satyam talked about the present market and how uncertain our future is. He got promoted to Proj Manager.
-----------------------
woke up as usual and then just barely made it past the first rail gate and got stuck at the 2nd.
But again was the frist to log on to the conf at 7am
Slowly people come in and the conf ends around 7:45am
in between check evas blog about her trip, hiking in manali and watching indian movie.
Then latter get chatting with her about life, purpose.. hehe latter on the phone she said the same thing that I was thinking.. born and then death. The death part is the sad part that has been troubling me.
10am meeting status with client. told sangeeta about the confusion in tonys understanding of CTI. So she asked me to talk about that in tomorrows meeting. The sad part is that the Avaya guys are only going to be ready with their coding by Sep 9 instead of Aug 10 that I was initially planned. That means that my trip to Czech will have to be pushed back after Sep 9th.
Returned home for lunch
Called up eva after lunch and chatted with her for about 30 mins. explained to her the story of my been betrayed by the other gals in my life.
3:30pm Knowledge transfer KT, by kris as he is heading off to India for 3 weeks. mostly slept thru it. then 4:30 the usual but last secession of Analytic s.
Got home around 6pm wondering to salsa or not... lets see how I feel after resting a bit.
got a call from Jose of satyam talked about the present market and how uncertain our future is. He got promoted to Proj Manager.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
July 27th Tuesday Expression of emotion
Tuesday Jul 27th 2010
---------------------
Woke up again a few times with weird dreams. Alarm from the iPhone went off at 5am put it to snooze and got out at 530am.
Saw Evas mail. felt nice reading it.
I wonder why I am sometimes not able to talk and open up when talking. I want to say so many things, but then just don't end up saying it. Was able to put it into words when writing the mail. Guess when we are talking I am just happy listening and getting to know about the other persons life and their happiness. And then just like to push some things that I should be talking out to the back and that just keeps becoming bigger and bigger emotional pain.
Maybe its a good thing to talk as it feels lighter after opening up.
Reach work in a hurry at 7am only to find that the meeting has been cancelled . :( bummer.
so end up reading Eva updates on her blog and chating with her.
Also saw the email exchange between ajit, nirmal and venu regarding the new gal that will be working from india supporting the work from bengaluru.
Will I be one of the persons complaining or loosing my job to Indian tech. hehehe.
---------------------
Woke up again a few times with weird dreams. Alarm from the iPhone went off at 5am put it to snooze and got out at 530am.
Saw Evas mail. felt nice reading it.
I wonder why I am sometimes not able to talk and open up when talking. I want to say so many things, but then just don't end up saying it. Was able to put it into words when writing the mail. Guess when we are talking I am just happy listening and getting to know about the other persons life and their happiness. And then just like to push some things that I should be talking out to the back and that just keeps becoming bigger and bigger emotional pain.
Maybe its a good thing to talk as it feels lighter after opening up.
Reach work in a hurry at 7am only to find that the meeting has been cancelled . :( bummer.
so end up reading Eva updates on her blog and chating with her.
Also saw the email exchange between ajit, nirmal and venu regarding the new gal that will be working from india supporting the work from bengaluru.
Will I be one of the persons complaining or loosing my job to Indian tech. hehehe.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Jul 26th Mon
Monday, Jul 26th 2010
---------------------
wake up with a flip flop sleep. But after the mediatation I was feeling better to fall asleep.
off to work 7am.
Reach work a bit late than usual cause of taking a different route as the train gates were already blocking traffic.
was chatting with e and sent her the collection of my poems, musings.
Suggested to her to go meet my parents as she is already there in Bangalore and telli is just few hrs drive from mysore.
My poor old 80 year old dad went around town looking for a willing astrologer with her birth chart to find a willing astrologer who would do our chart comparision. Atleast she could have done was to make him happy by meeting him. He would atleast get to see the person whos birth chart he was carrying around for a few weeks to do the comparision.
Replied back to the questions from bena and bal about the poems quote.
Really feeling sick thinking about life and its unknown factors and trying to live with the questions that keep coming up so often.
around 12:30 thou I wanted to go out kris said there was a demo @ 1pm so stayed back, Was feeling restless. CAlled up Eva and just got her coming back after meeting punita. She seemed to want to hang up and talk with her room mate. And then continued talking after I told her that I called her as I was feeling some kind of restless feeling. Talked for a few more mins and then she said she wanted to go join her room mates.
Went for the demo, which turned out to be more of a interaction secession with the users. Came out around 2pm and went home @2:30 to cook up the roti and heat up the chicken curry.
Was still feeling some kind of hopeless restlessness. Tried to meditate and calm down a bit. Atleast got call from narayan and know that he is doing well as he did not pick up the phone yesterday.
got back to work around 3:30 still the inquisitive, restless beating of the heart.
4:30 the usual run for traning, just went along with the guys to the training room, was not able to focus.
What is happening to me.
Get call from Anil, tell him will call after reaching home.
Reach home around 6:30 talk with anil who is out shopping at khols and getting call from wife to buy something else on the way. he goes to old navy to return something and then goes to walmart near to his house by 8:20.
I try to rest for a few mins. get up around 9:20 and brush my teeth and take off to Vango for some salsa.
meet laura there who i met last time. she was in vancouver too. She is a beginner and also just studying in college. We dance continously for sometime. Then around 11 she leaves and asks me when I am coming next. I tell her that I am not motivated to travel for 2hrs on a monday night for just 2 hrs of dancing.
Tell her to email me when ever she is going to be in Vango and I will also let her know about my plans.
Then get to dance a few more dances with a few more gals, just one dance was great the whole night. And at 12:20 head back to the car and reach home around 1:30 hit bed by 2am.
---------------------
wake up with a flip flop sleep. But after the mediatation I was feeling better to fall asleep.
off to work 7am.
Reach work a bit late than usual cause of taking a different route as the train gates were already blocking traffic.
was chatting with e and sent her the collection of my poems, musings.
Suggested to her to go meet my parents as she is already there in Bangalore and telli is just few hrs drive from mysore.
My poor old 80 year old dad went around town looking for a willing astrologer with her birth chart to find a willing astrologer who would do our chart comparision. Atleast she could have done was to make him happy by meeting him. He would atleast get to see the person whos birth chart he was carrying around for a few weeks to do the comparision.
Replied back to the questions from bena and bal about the poems quote.
Really feeling sick thinking about life and its unknown factors and trying to live with the questions that keep coming up so often.
around 12:30 thou I wanted to go out kris said there was a demo @ 1pm so stayed back, Was feeling restless. CAlled up Eva and just got her coming back after meeting punita. She seemed to want to hang up and talk with her room mate. And then continued talking after I told her that I called her as I was feeling some kind of restless feeling. Talked for a few more mins and then she said she wanted to go join her room mates.
Went for the demo, which turned out to be more of a interaction secession with the users. Came out around 2pm and went home @2:30 to cook up the roti and heat up the chicken curry.
Was still feeling some kind of hopeless restlessness. Tried to meditate and calm down a bit. Atleast got call from narayan and know that he is doing well as he did not pick up the phone yesterday.
got back to work around 3:30 still the inquisitive, restless beating of the heart.
4:30 the usual run for traning, just went along with the guys to the training room, was not able to focus.
What is happening to me.
Get call from Anil, tell him will call after reaching home.
Reach home around 6:30 talk with anil who is out shopping at khols and getting call from wife to buy something else on the way. he goes to old navy to return something and then goes to walmart near to his house by 8:20.
I try to rest for a few mins. get up around 9:20 and brush my teeth and take off to Vango for some salsa.
meet laura there who i met last time. she was in vancouver too. She is a beginner and also just studying in college. We dance continously for sometime. Then around 11 she leaves and asks me when I am coming next. I tell her that I am not motivated to travel for 2hrs on a monday night for just 2 hrs of dancing.
Tell her to email me when ever she is going to be in Vango and I will also let her know about my plans.
Then get to dance a few more dances with a few more gals, just one dance was great the whole night. And at 12:20 head back to the car and reach home around 1:30 hit bed by 2am.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Jul 25h Sunday
Sunday, Jul 25 2010
-------------------
Woke up around 8am debating weather to go for the hike.. was needed to be at sidneys place by 9:30... too late. Well might as well focus on getting things done around the house, shop for groceries.
Called up home and talked for a few mins, got to know that Adhi got into engineering in kerala and prathis son got into enigneering in bangalore. Also cousin sis chandinis daughter got into medical in jipmer. top medical college in India. wow. smart gal.
Looks like every one in the coming generation in the family is either going to be an engineer or a doctor. :) proud go to be part of smart family gene.
around 11am call up Eva, asks me to call back after 30 mins. so i ask her to call me back when she is ready. get her call back at 11:56am. they spent almost 40 mins trying to connect with her with the calling card. got to her around 12:36. IT seems she was busy talking with some other friend. And as soon as we start talking she starts feeling sleepy and wants to go to bed.
I spent almost an hour and half hoping to talk with her and was trying for more than 40 mins to call her and in 5 mins into the call, she wants to end the call. Well she does not seems to have changed much. It was the same thing when we were in a relationship too. All the effort was from me, and then in the end after putting in all the effort, the person who got hurt the most was just me. And the worst part she accuses me of ignoring her. While all she ever did was ignore anything and everything about me and only focused on her own wants and wishes.
Well are all women like that - Selfish and Self centered? AV said yes they are all like that. He said he has problems even with his daughters who behaves like that.
Why do I let people take me for granted so much. No wonder I feel so much gratitude towards people especially women who seem to even give me a smile and almost seem to want to do anything for the lady who is kind enough to dance with me or talk nicely with me.
OR
am I been just too judgemental. Its easy to expect certain behavior from others, but we will never know what their thinking is or conditions are unless we travel in their shoes.
Went and dropped off the rent check posted the heat bill to peco. paid the cell phone bill.
To costco for milk and grapes. then got a call from Balaji, talked for a few then tried to call anil back could not get him or narayan.
Started raining after I got out of costco. was hot and sunny when I entered.
Got msg from Evas dad that they are back from Yoga full of energy.
6:30pm feeling very restless and mind troubled. Went for a drive its cooler outside after the rain.
Filled up gas, talked with AV who was at Universal studios with his kids and his wife went to East coast to meet her uncle. For this week he is taking care of them in LA away from the SFO bay area.
Drove over to get gas filled and with the sun still out at 7:50 and still feeling restless. I think I will meditate. Really bothered by somethings happening that I have no control over.
9pm go for a run. ITS FULL MOON,
the beauty of the moon rippling thru the horizon.
standing up in the eastern skies with a full face
radiating its beautiful glowing light
ahh how I wish there was the love of my life
with me to share this beautiful moment
forever etching it in our hearts together
to become one in mind and soul forever.
The darkness melts in the milky glow
cherishing the tender moments in times flow
with an aching heart that swallow its tears
tremble I when the comes true my worst fears
-------------------
Woke up around 8am debating weather to go for the hike.. was needed to be at sidneys place by 9:30... too late. Well might as well focus on getting things done around the house, shop for groceries.
Called up home and talked for a few mins, got to know that Adhi got into engineering in kerala and prathis son got into enigneering in bangalore. Also cousin sis chandinis daughter got into medical in jipmer. top medical college in India. wow. smart gal.
Looks like every one in the coming generation in the family is either going to be an engineer or a doctor. :) proud go to be part of smart family gene.
around 11am call up Eva, asks me to call back after 30 mins. so i ask her to call me back when she is ready. get her call back at 11:56am. they spent almost 40 mins trying to connect with her with the calling card. got to her around 12:36. IT seems she was busy talking with some other friend. And as soon as we start talking she starts feeling sleepy and wants to go to bed.
I spent almost an hour and half hoping to talk with her and was trying for more than 40 mins to call her and in 5 mins into the call, she wants to end the call. Well she does not seems to have changed much. It was the same thing when we were in a relationship too. All the effort was from me, and then in the end after putting in all the effort, the person who got hurt the most was just me. And the worst part she accuses me of ignoring her. While all she ever did was ignore anything and everything about me and only focused on her own wants and wishes.
Well are all women like that - Selfish and Self centered? AV said yes they are all like that. He said he has problems even with his daughters who behaves like that.
Why do I let people take me for granted so much. No wonder I feel so much gratitude towards people especially women who seem to even give me a smile and almost seem to want to do anything for the lady who is kind enough to dance with me or talk nicely with me.
OR
am I been just too judgemental. Its easy to expect certain behavior from others, but we will never know what their thinking is or conditions are unless we travel in their shoes.
Went and dropped off the rent check posted the heat bill to peco. paid the cell phone bill.
To costco for milk and grapes. then got a call from Balaji, talked for a few then tried to call anil back could not get him or narayan.
Started raining after I got out of costco. was hot and sunny when I entered.
Got msg from Evas dad that they are back from Yoga full of energy.
6:30pm feeling very restless and mind troubled. Went for a drive its cooler outside after the rain.
Filled up gas, talked with AV who was at Universal studios with his kids and his wife went to East coast to meet her uncle. For this week he is taking care of them in LA away from the SFO bay area.
Drove over to get gas filled and with the sun still out at 7:50 and still feeling restless. I think I will meditate. Really bothered by somethings happening that I have no control over.
9pm go for a run. ITS FULL MOON,
the beauty of the moon rippling thru the horizon.
standing up in the eastern skies with a full face
radiating its beautiful glowing light
ahh how I wish there was the love of my life
with me to share this beautiful moment
forever etching it in our hearts together
to become one in mind and soul forever.
The darkness melts in the milky glow
cherishing the tender moments in times flow
with an aching heart that swallow its tears
tremble I when the comes true my worst fears
Jul24th
Saturday Jul 24 2010
--------------------
Woke up and decided to head out for the hike and anthropology museum.
reached Sidneys house around 10am for the ride $4 for car pooling.
Reached Bartmans garden about 11am Took a guided tour. The guide was a very beautiful and very well informed lady from Romania, Alina, lovely. She has a degree in History and is doing another in Conservation. wow. So elegant and very informed and great presentation. Would love to hang out with her and have good conversation.
I have a soft corner for girls who are smart and can hold a conversation and talk passionately about some subject. And when its history, its even interesting to know more about the past in the our beautiful world. All about human behavior and how different people left their foot prints before us.
After that we all headed to the Penn University. Such a huge campus and the surrounding area seems to be filled up with students from all over the world. Lots of hippie type of characters trying to make a statement with their dressing and hair style and piercing, tattoos.
$8 for entry into the museum. Was rushed thru as the others were not able to be in a room with out AC... damm spoiled people.
I think I could spend hrs or maybe days at that place reading about the different people and cultures of the world.
5pm return and we all head to Dock street for Pizza and beer. And great conversation.
Met another girl there who is into salsa. cheers
10pm went to down town for some salsa, danced a beautiful bachata with a chinese girl. She was so easy to lead. If I would have danced with her for more, I think I would have fallen in love with her.
Ahhhh I am feeling so weak and suggestible. Hope I don't make any mistakes and fall in love with the wrong person for the wrong reasons.
Around 2 am retrun back home.
--------------------
Woke up and decided to head out for the hike and anthropology museum.
reached Sidneys house around 10am for the ride $4 for car pooling.
Reached Bartmans garden about 11am Took a guided tour. The guide was a very beautiful and very well informed lady from Romania, Alina, lovely. She has a degree in History and is doing another in Conservation. wow. So elegant and very informed and great presentation. Would love to hang out with her and have good conversation.
I have a soft corner for girls who are smart and can hold a conversation and talk passionately about some subject. And when its history, its even interesting to know more about the past in the our beautiful world. All about human behavior and how different people left their foot prints before us.
After that we all headed to the Penn University. Such a huge campus and the surrounding area seems to be filled up with students from all over the world. Lots of hippie type of characters trying to make a statement with their dressing and hair style and piercing, tattoos.
$8 for entry into the museum. Was rushed thru as the others were not able to be in a room with out AC... damm spoiled people.
I think I could spend hrs or maybe days at that place reading about the different people and cultures of the world.
5pm return and we all head to Dock street for Pizza and beer. And great conversation.
Met another girl there who is into salsa. cheers
10pm went to down town for some salsa, danced a beautiful bachata with a chinese girl. She was so easy to lead. If I would have danced with her for more, I think I would have fallen in love with her.
Ahhhh I am feeling so weak and suggestible. Hope I don't make any mistakes and fall in love with the wrong person for the wrong reasons.
Around 2 am retrun back home.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Jul 23rd Friiiii day to salsa or not to salsa
Friday, Jul 23 2010
-------------------
off to work at 6:40am,,,,:)
Got in @ 6:55am only to find that the meeting got moved at 1:39am to 8am.
Its okay, I need to make calls to muhu in van to see if the deposite for my vacouver apt has come. Then the Bc hydro.
time to pay bills and the works :)
Ended up cleaning up the bath tub early morning. Sneaking lil chors in between and knocking it of the To Do lists, good time management :)
might give the car for inspection in the afternoon, rather go home for lunch and then drop the car off for inspection. :)
Gave the car for inspection in the afternoon and got a call in the afternoon. Phew! it passed with out any hassel. was scared that this also would end up in another multiple round of back and forth. But it is a nice day, everything went smoothy. Wish every day was like this.
Got back home around 5:30 and had some snacks , debating the best time to go for salsa.
-------------------
off to work at 6:40am,,,,:)
Got in @ 6:55am only to find that the meeting got moved at 1:39am to 8am.
Its okay, I need to make calls to muhu in van to see if the deposite for my vacouver apt has come. Then the Bc hydro.
time to pay bills and the works :)
Ended up cleaning up the bath tub early morning. Sneaking lil chors in between and knocking it of the To Do lists, good time management :)
might give the car for inspection in the afternoon, rather go home for lunch and then drop the car off for inspection. :)
Gave the car for inspection in the afternoon and got a call in the afternoon. Phew! it passed with out any hassel. was scared that this also would end up in another multiple round of back and forth. But it is a nice day, everything went smoothy. Wish every day was like this.
Got back home around 5:30 and had some snacks , debating the best time to go for salsa.
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