Nov 10 , weekend, relax, hike

Saturday, Nov 10 2012

At last one weekend where I can relax, not think about my employment status and the possibility of getting employed, self doubt, punctured confidence, help-lessness,,,,,

ahhh what a relief to be just able to not think about the immediate future and the barb wire preventing me from moving forward.

Yesterday my attempt at fish fry seemed to have worked a bit, just that I was not in any mood to eat the fried fish as I had a few baked tilapia before. Towards the evening had a shot of whisky with ice and water, felt relaxed and calmed. Which in turn resulted in me forgetting to have dinner and having to put the fried fish in the fridge.



Now to get ready for the hike.

Great hike..

Got lost when coming back, missed taking my usual exit and ended up driving 13 miles to the next one... luckily was able to turn around before paying the toll of would have ended up with another big drain on from my pocket.

Was thinking about why I tend to ignore someone after they say "no" when I ask them to dance.
Well it takes a lot of emotional energy in me to motivate myself to go over to ask someone to dance, and its also because I would have watched them and found them attractive enough to over come my shyness to ask them to dance. And when they say "no" it sure could be just "no I am resting" or anything.
But to me its like something I love and wanted to have and internally I understand I cannot have. And the more I would look at it or brood over it, the more painful or more desirable it appears.. So in my own best interest its best to ignore it and to imagine that its not there at all.
So when the object of my interest says "no", I in my own interest and to protect my own emotion, just tend to ignore the person going forward. To me that person no longer exists in and around the dance floor. They become a non-entity in the landscape.