Sep 30 2011 Friday End of Month

Friday, Sep 30 2011

Woke up still on a high from yesterdays. Had a few good dances and good connections. It was nice when asked to dance the bachata and was able to dance a very sensual dance. Was surprised when she came back and asked me again to dance 2 more times and then she kissing me in her excitment and happiness. Wow, that was the first time been so sweetly kissed by a stranger, whos name I am not able to remember.

It was also nice meeting a pretty greek girl. chri stin.
She kind of lives a bit far off. So did not feel like asking her her number, looked like she was disappointed, the way she seemed sad leaving. aawwww, what ever.


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Thrusday, Sep 29 2011

Had fasted overnight and had to go to give blood for checkup, as they missed out on my calcium check.

Then tried to go to a Optometrist, but was given a date for oct 6. bummer.

Sep 27 Tuesday, 2011 Great news

Tuesday, Sep 27 2011

Great news on my Triglecride levels. almost half of what it was a few years ago.
Calcium seems to be out of alignment, need to go check what it was.

Sep 26th Monday 2011

I am not glad that he called it off. because today, Sep 26th Monday, my whole body is aching and in pain.

got call from broker to sell of my stock as value dropped. good god again loosing all my saving. Hope the dumb lazy arses in Europe could get their act together. The stock market is crashing. Europeans are the laziest bums in the whole of the world, their only objective as shown by past history is to go to other countries and steal from them. Right now they seem to be partially run out of the stolen wealth from the colonies.

As expected, people with very low moral values.

Soon they will be overtaken by the Indians and Chinese people. I hope so.
Only saving grace is the smartness of the German people.


Sunday, Sep 25 2011

Got to the new house in the morning and got working on nailing the planks to the floor. good god, it is such a exhausting and tiring work. And some level of complication because we missed out on laying the final slots at the beginning. It was like trying to solve a gig-saw puzzle. What feeling after having solved the puzzle. I was motivated to go for the next room too.
But nara seemed to have been exhausted too, he was working on it for the past one week.

Sat Sep 24 2011

went back again to the house to clean up and remove the remaining stapled stuff of the ground, good god, huge living rooms and 5 bed rooms.

In the afternoon we watched a bit of video on how to do the flooring and then went to home depot and got a few rental equipment. Nailer guns, motor, motor saws, glasses

Then we got down to arranging the planks.

Friday, Sep 23 2011

Evening went to Nars new house, took 2 hrs in the rain.
worked a bit on cleaning up that place and moving the wooden planks into the house. Heavy stuff. just had to wait for the gap in the rain.

Thursday, Sep22 2011

Went to Phoenix vill for salsa, met a intersting lady who looked like Indian, but from brazil. And she was so happy to meet a indian guy. :)

Sep 21 2011 Wednesday

Wednesday, Sep 21 2011

woke up again after a struggle by 5:40am. kind of made it. was not successful in covering the subject matter yesterday, major failure to stay focused.

And today tempted to go out dancing and do the little bit of social interaction with other human beings. Right now I am living with out any direct contact with human beings, like in exile. Almost 2 months now living like this, and almost 1 week after my last dance with strangers.

Sep 20 2011, Tuesday

Tuesday, Sep 20 2011,

After a okay, mild weekend. Trying my best to get on with the plan of organizing my life and sticking to the schedule that I created. gut feel, about 50 to 60 % achieved.

Was able to wake up at 5am yesterday, got to the Docs appointment , went for the medical lab to give my blood for tests.

at the hospital, I got to meet the most beautiful and hottest nurse I have ever seen, Wow. The sweetness, the physical beauty, the curves at the right places, the narrow waist of someone who works out. ,,,,, I was just spell bound and trying my best to not look at her. Then noticed the ring on her finger. hehehehe... well not surprising, if a gal like that is still single, then there must be something wrong with her. Its kind of like the laws of nature thing. The best are always scooped up and guys been guys, know when they see a fine creation of nature. And they are all competing to get her. And if the one guy who she likes does not make the move of marrying her, there by, signaling to the other guys that she is out of bounds. (there are always heynas and foxes feeding of or trying to feed of others stuff).

Then latter after the doc, did a hernia check and prostrate check. She came back to give me a ECG. After sticking me with the stickers, she connected the wires and was not able to get a read,,,,, oooooo,,,, did my heart disappear? hehehe
Then the next nurse came in and even she had the same prob, Then she recommended that they shave me. ahhhhh. hehehe again lots of laughter hmmmmmm was enjoying the undivided attention. Then they both went out and another nurse came in. She kind of removed everything sticker they put on me and put new stickers and voila, got a reading. hmm maybe my heart must have gone bonkers with the beautiful nurse in the room.

Sunday was nice to hang out with the gang of older people, hiking, playing games and picnicking with them. Had a great conversation with Ros, Architect, born and raised in NJ/NY but parents from Philippines.
It was nice having a very good, logical conversation with her. After a very long time during the hike, coming across a lady who is logical and not dumb like many others who visited my life.
Someone who is well traveled over the world. Not shallow with what she is saying and meaning, someone who dances salsa and tango. Wow.

Woke up today at 5,,, struggled to get out of bed, as it was a bit cold with the winter setting in and it was so cozy sleeping under the warmth of my blanket. ahhh atlast was able to get out at 5:20am and went about the required stuff, got the stol sample bottled and ready for shippment for tests.

took a scanned image of the Dr's requsition.

Cooked rice around 9.
now struggling to get the PMP done,, need to completing atleast 3 subjects or more daily. took a test directly without doing the course and passed yesterday with 85%.

Sep 17 2011 Sat, reorganizing

Saturday, Sep 17 2011

Woke up with the intention of getting my life organized, throwing out the junk stuff. Called up home and talked with parents. Dad was not well and mom was getting concerned about his health. Even I have a uneasy feeling about him and his health.

I wanted to do so many things for them, but my own lack of discipline and focus is causing my problems to compound and not able to reach my wonderful state of abundance.

maybe go to the temple in the afternoon and gain some focus and faith.

Got call from Nar, great news of him having brought the 5 bed room house. Wow so good for him and his moms here too for the great auspicious occasion. So happy for him, got his Green card and now a house. He thoroughly deserves it and he worked really hard for it and went thru so many falls and never gave up.

Compared to him, I think I had it very easy. Or not compared to some situations I had to go thru. Guess my time will come too. Wish I could treat my parents to something wonderful. They so deserve it. Atleast wanted to take them to The Taj mahal and maybe to one foreign country, like singapore or middle east or to England or some country in Europe.

All these costs money and continuous income which means job. OR winning a multi-million dollar lottery or contest.

Sep 16 2011, Friday, I LUV U.

Friday, Sep 16, 2011

Woke up early all upbeat and now I am having this strong urge to say I LOVE YOU to someone......
Filled with feelings of love and happiness, just want to share and shower someone with those overflowing feelings.
Like one of my friends said, you are a very loving person and have a lot of love to give. Much more than anyone can understand.

Heart is pounding and my smile is from ear to ear...

Around afternoon went to the doc, what I feared was laid to rest with the doc assuring that the possibility is less.
But he had me go for an X-ray and will let the doc know about it.
have to schedule an appointment with the next specialist doc that he recommended for that. who will only be open on monday.

Got home and got the call I dreaded from the company, that I have been given 5 weeks notice. thou I was expecting this, was feeling really shocked and thinking about what next. The job market looks so depressing and now living in a foreign country feels even worse. For I have to get out of here. Cannot move with all my stuff as it would cost me close to $6000 to move back to Canada.
worst case have to dump everything here, junk it and make the move.

What next is such a troubling thought.

Ahhh such a sick feeling of beaten down again.

With multitudes of questions racing around in my head and guts feeling as thou someone punched me.
Got to get out of this rut.. ahhhh

was sad to read besus mail on how her ex was out dating with in a couple of weeks and she wanted to know if this was how guys thought.. well as far as my exp goes even my ex did that and even more she did that and was doing that when she was acting as thou she was with me and still loved me and was already setting up another and with in a week of landing in india was all over him and when that guy backed down she jumped on another guy..... it was so sick knowing that side of her value less degenerative character. Guess it is now I understand the way selfish people behave. These can be men or women. Feel so sad for her.

ahhh got to get out of this feeling. want to go and watch a movie or something. As there is no hiking this weekend and don't feel like going for salsa either.

Maybe go to temple and pray. ahhhh so fucked up direction less life. A pawn of greater forces ruling and controlling the universe. As human we time and again tend to think that we are great when some of our aspiration are realized and then think that we are invisible. But the truth is that we got something not because we achieved it, but because the powers of the universe having its own master plan allowed us to think that we need something and allowed us to get it.

So what is the master plan that the universe has for me???

Sep 14 2011 Wed,,,, yeaaa interview atlast

Wed Sep 14 2011
got an potential interview atlast , job in west coast. Too costly, meaning for the same salary, I have to spend more, about $1000 per month more on rent and then 20% hike in income taxes.... awwww not fair, but its better than nothing and ending up on the streets or ending up working for min wages in canada.



ahhhh lousy interview... guess not a match to the requirements... :(((((

Sep 13 2011 Tuesday

Tuesday, Sep 13 2011

Got call from bos about possible open in San Francisco.... got to see if that works out

Had a great cumbia with a tall girl yesterday, blew her mind off, she came back again to thank me..... woo hooo.. :)

Had seen jord on friday night and it was a funny encounter, I was at the street corner answering a call from bach about some doubt he had for an interview and that jack arse lied to me about the client,, well he is a brahamin, given to a DNA of selfishness and crookedness. Anyways getting to the point, she got out of the taxi with her friend, looked at me. A fleeting moment of "i know that guy". Then we both looked away. A few secs latter she was across the street, her friend talking with a couple of guys and she was staring at me, either she was wondering who I was or might remember the great Merengue we had together. Gosh she is so beautiful and natural. No wonder she had so many guys chasing her and wanting to dance with her and I had written her off as never going to ask to dance.

Was thinking about relationship and partnerships and the way my mind thinks and its attraction.

Natures Laws of relationship : Basically there are two categories
a) Caring and Giving (ME LAST -> ML)
b) Selfish and Self-centered (ME FIRST -> MF)

They attract each other. The ML's tend to attract the MF's and vice-verse. Rarely are the ML's attracting other ML's and for sure the MF's cannot stand each other.
They keep calling each other "Selfish".

Relationships and partnerships are all about "US" and not about "I". When the "I" starts taking over, the rest of "US" ending up becoming very hurt, unhappy, sad and frustrated.

Its great been the person who is giving, sacrificing and protecting, but then the problem starts when the other starts taking things for granted, rather wants more and not interested in giving back anything.....
its torture for the giver, causes wounds that god knows how long it would take to heal.
While the Selfish person would just easily (with no sense of consciousnesses) move on to another person who is a giver and start their cycle of exploitation.

Sep 12 2011 Monday, debate

Monday, Sep 12 2011, full moon.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f-LhnzszFOw


VV: Terrorism ,,,, who are the biggest Terrorist,,,,, hmmm let me try,, approx 200 years ago,,,, who were the ones manufacturing Opium with huge factories in Calcutta and flooding China? ( google -> opium wars). who were the once using terror to suppress the poorer nations???....

hahaha I feel it funny that most white folks in the Americas claim it to be their right to be here, little realizing that they are here as the result of the European invasion of Native American land (after having terrorized (after having terrorized them with guns and spreading chicken pox) and then blame and paint the natives as been evil and bad people......
the list goes on and if you are fair minded or have the ability to think fairly research... to me its history repeating itself again in the middle east with the majority white population attacking other countries and sovereignty for monetary gains,, and if the argument is about freeing and protecting other countries people ,,,
then why have you not done that to the Tibetans?
why have you not done anything there????
are they not worth protecting?

ooopsss there is no known oil fields there.


TF : & how about what was done to the Scotts and Irish? Maybe we could discuss Latin America as well. In relation to some of these, the holocaust begins to look like like a weekend tryst. I find I amazing what we are able to rationalize, as individuals, and as societies. Bizare when the thug claims to be the victim. It reminds me of http://www.lucifereffect.com/ Where good people will inflict very unjust behavior on others. Thanks for the post.


VV : yep,,, the holocaust seems not so high up when compared to the atrocities that were committed. The British and others been victors after WW2 were in a position to deflect the attention on Hitler and his atrocities and there by burying their own legacy of cruel deeds.

I wonder what would have happened if Hitler would have won, he would probably have undertaken a similar publicity campaign to show the Allied forces as Evil and Cruel people and would have painted himself as the savior of the new world order. ;)

Greed and War only causes an never ending cycle of destruction. One of the oldest Corporate models was/is the British East India Company. I find that many big corporates are doing that today under various pretext's.

Governments are overthrown with the help of military might, while the people serving in the military are made to think that they are fighting for their FREEDOM and brain washed into thinking that they are doing it for the greater good.

Yep for the greater good and benefit of the Richy-rich and their kids and generations to follow.

Sep 11 2011 Sunday, 10 years after

Sunday, Sep 11 2011 , 10 years after the huge change brought about in the world.
hiking in ft wash.. flood waters.


For all the selfish and self centered women :

Most women are crazy like this, selfish and unappreciative of good men who are nice, caring and protective :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U93BBNq5A64


Sep 10, sat, jud and angle

hiking in heniz park, flood waters


Sep 9 fri, brsil, salsa, not a great night.

Sep 09 2011 Friday. THIRU-ONAM

Friday, Sep 09 2011 Thiru-Onam ,,,,,, eaaaaa

Feels nice to be celebrating Onam again. Cook, cook and cook more and enjoy the ambiance. Yesterday Obama made a good speech, now waiting to see how the market will react, the asian and european market seems to have tanked down ahead of g7.

Next week may reveal a lot more about the direction the economy would go.

Sunday is also the 10th annivarsary of 9/11 and again news of possible threats.... ahhh why. What wrong with people. Why do they want to keep destroying things. Why cannot they take pleasure in constructing, creating, making things. Do something productive instead of destruction.
Were these people who grew up with out toys when they were kids?
When growing up kids end up breaking their toys and then end up hurt and sad and regretting and missing the toy they love. That way they learn the hard way that destruction hurts. And growing up, they learn a better appreciation and sentiment for things and not wanting to break or destroy.

And when as kids if they grow up with out toys, they end up not learning how destruction hurts.... my lil theory on growing up

ok,,, early morning, time to get celebrating and cooking. kappa, Avial (mixed veggies), beetroot fried in coconut... yummmm and not to miss out on the chicken curry and salmon curry and sambar ... | I already have 3 curries, 3 more to go..... best Onam ever.

Was inspired by Venk on focusing and doing some studying...... have to try and focus there and improve my self to be able to compete in the market.

Starting the day with Garlic toast and Hot Ginger Tea, yummm

Sep 07 2011 Wed - Recovery

Wednesday Sep 07 2011

Got call from vis about coming to visit me in US. That would be so awesome to meet up here and stay with me. Waiting for conformation of itinerary and flight booking from India. yea hoooo , great start of the day.

recovered to a certain extent assests there were going down the drain. phew! what a change of events. life is so un predictable. just have to be patient and have faith in the greater goodness.

Got to go to Parx tonite for some salsaaaaa. Had let out a lot of gas and juice yesterday.... ;) hmmmmm

Cooked kappa while consulting with sade on the google chat.

Its Onam ,,, yea time to celebrate the only Dravidian festival.

Sep 06 2011 Tues -> Respect and fear.

Tuesday, Sep 06 2011

Respect and Fear : Had a string of thoughts that occurred early in the morning, thinking about the Teachers who really commanded Respect because of who they were as teachers, inspiring and encouraging. And then the majority of the rest of pretentious teachers, who are worse than toxic waste and worse than the politicians who ruin other peoples lives.

Many people think that because they have power that they command Respect, but no, its not respect, all they got is Fear from others and fear growing with in themselves.

When you command true Respect, you have nothing to fear. Its there to stay because you earned it. Unlike fear, which would disappear the moment you loose your power or position.

It was great 3 days of hiking around Philly, New Jersey and New York. loved the people energy in NY and visiting the museum. Wished I could have spend more time at the museum.

It was good (not great) going to the indian restaurant for lunch buffet. Drank about 4 to 5 cups of Masala Chai (tea). was hyper after that and was not able to sleep at night.

Still feel the hyperness induced by caffine.

Wanted to go out salsa dancing at the Vang yesterday, but after starting off felt discouraged by the rainy weather and drove back after a couple of miles. It sucks that all the dance places are about 40 miles away and takes about 1 hr to reach.

Vang seems to hold special place for me, meeting some new and good gals there. Last week remember the Russian gal, who seemed to be a professional dancer, was kind of scared asking her to dance as she seemed to be so technically perfect. And she looked at me expecting me to ask her to dance and that caused more pressure on me and did not have enough emotional power to ask her to dance. But have to give it to her, she looked so naturally beautiful. Like a movie star with the perfect face. Wonder what her story is.
She seems to be nice and seems to dance with everyone who asks her to dance.

What a day, full of rain, rain and more rain. Actually seems to be more rain than when the hurricane Irene came visiting last week end. This they said is the remains of hurricane lee and it is pouring non stop. I am sure if this continues, we are going to have some severe flooding.

It was kind of DE-motivating and depressing to wake up again and not have anything productive to do. Almost 2 months. With couple of hope, one in India and another in Dallas. Hope I can get the one in Dallas and then be able to get parents on a trip.

Sep 02 2011, Ethics

Friday, Sep, 02, 2011

Ethics and its application has been revolving around in my head since yesterday.

Work ethic, of been punctual to work, attending meeting, completing assigned work on time and more seem to be done with a great deal of enthusiasm. So I was wondering why is it that I am finding it difficult to motivate myself to get up and going these past few days when not on any project.

Its not that I don't have stuff that I can work on improving myself.
Why the procrastination?
Why lack of energy and focus?
What can I do to over come this lethagy.
Used to try and wake up around 5am and then get my life moving. Not been able to do that the past few months. Whats happened? Is there something thats physical thats preventing me from been able to wake up with engery?
or
Is it something thats emotional?

What ever it is, I need to move in the right direction to be able to be independent financially and not having to depend on someone else. For that I need a safety net, which means I have miles to go before I can take a break and relax.

Want to be able to support parents in all possible way financially. They did a lot of things for me and sacrificed a lot for me. Its my turn to do things for them. And that requires a lot of finance.

Have to forget all that I lost financially as thinking about that will only make me emotionally weak.

So trying to motivate my self to focus on Ethics of working for my own self improvement and take advantage of all the opportunities that is at my door step. Have to try and get the few courses done for project management.

12:noon,, was able to complete one module, took the test with out evening going thru the course and got 82%.
hmmm either my IQ is really good or I am really lucky.

Have to go thru the course latter, just so that I can get my way of thinking oriented to what they are teaching in the course, in terms of management terminology.

Shaved the thick hair growth on my head, still have the mustache on. maybe after taking a couple of pics I will remove the mustache too.


Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
~Buddha

yes its so easily shown in movies and TV that u can just say, I forgive and the anger is gone. But its lot of hard work and effort to forget some of the hurtful feeling left behind by lies and betrayal. mostly maybe cause of been so easily taken for granted and becoming a fool to the lies and deceit. Anger maybe because of not been smart enough to not know it, even after lots of experience.

But in the end its something we all need to overcome.

There is some understanding if my anger was due to my selfish self-centered requirements, like wanting a chocolate, ice-cream, or trying to manipulate someone to follow my requirements..... those are anger that is from cheap people. But my anger is from been so easily manipulated by such self centered people and at my own self for allowing such people to take me for a ride......

Great news of hope. Hopefully it works out soon. Tired of sitting at home for the past 2 months.

Sep 01 2011, ABC - Ability, Break and Courage

Thursday Sep 01 2011,
ABC - Ability, Break and Courage that was a good quote to read.
Trying to cook the salmon curry, first salmon curry at this new apartment.

It was great connecting with a few people on Facebook and discus with them and find out that we have so many common way of thinking and opinions.

Was gald to head that Nar's moms come from India and now I am inspired to get mine too. But thats filled with so many question, starting from Visa and their willingness to come and having them travel half way across the world.

dreams, dreams, dreams.

let me use the laws of attraction to see if I can make it happen.....

hmmmmmm go to a happy place and then visualize all things I want perfectly happen.


Another great quote :

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
~Buddha