Was lazy to get out of bed, even thou I had planned on an agenda of doing some yoga and working out.... totally forgot about the water been cut off today ..... ahhh bummer
it was nice to get the couple of pics from st monic fron geniv from phila.
got to see the clip from
hahahahaha,,,,, the 100 foot journey, cant wait to see the movie,,,, Indian and french cooking competition,,, ... memories from a couple of weeks ago,,, cooking South Indian food under the guidance of the most prettiest practical thinking pastries chef from South West of France .. ..... ahhhh why could I not have Just fallen for someone eternal there,,,, could have had my fav food for life,, and wooo the cute french accent as bonus,, her voice is like she is singing a melody !!!!!!..... why is it that we never get to pick and choose who we fall in love .....
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So reminded of saswath.... her cute accent and the way in which she shook her head like an indian.
** listening to this song,,,
aaahhhhh it was like some one was pulling at the strings of my heart....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=450p7goxZqg&feature=share
Tuesday Jun 24 2014
Got call from maynk mat for the wel-pointe opening
then on a whim was trying to figure out and put my confused thoughts and the history of the past few months into perspective...
Pure Soul
Every guy who is highly sexual in his relationships, (as all guys tend to be) one day ends up falling head over heals for that someone in the MOST NON-SEXUAL way possible.
All his thoughts then tend to center around her,
Wanting to just reach out to that one persons soul,
wanting to hug that soul, with in her and unite it, with his own soul.
Wanting and hoping that it would just blend in seamlessly and unite, like water and milk,
Wanting to then just rest up peacefully ever-after meeting his soul mate who completes the missing part of his soul.
All his thoughts then tend to center around her,
Wanting to just reach out to that one persons soul,
wanting to hug that soul, with in her and unite it, with his own soul.
Wanting and hoping that it would just blend in seamlessly and unite, like water and milk,
Wanting to then just rest up peacefully ever-after meeting his soul mate who completes the missing part of his soul.
In the most mellow possible way, his heart just dances around like whiffs of smoke trying to reach out to her in every possible way and hoping that her heart and soul would somehow magically feel the same and reach back to the aura of his soul filled love and their hearts would just gel, interlock and spiral up dancing towards the skies as one.
In my case, I fell in or was taken in by a random smile of someone I did not even know. Was not interested in any way to dance with her as I thought that she was from the inner club of snobs and performers that I see in every new town, who I just prefer to keep away from.
Two weeks latter which was filled with repeated images of her smile most of the time,,,,, stepped up and thought let me atleast give it a shot, no knowing she might be different.
Asked her to dance!
Boom!... first words out of her "on 1 or on 2"....
.......... wooooo holly molly,,,, major Red flag that I foolishly ignored, she is after all a elitist Salsa Snob, lost in the world of counting 1 , 2 and what not..... a kind of comment only people who are more into show dancing and showing off their superiority (immaturity) tend to do in the name partner dancing.
In my case, I fell in or was taken in by a random smile of someone I did not even know. Was not interested in any way to dance with her as I thought that she was from the inner club of snobs and performers that I see in every new town, who I just prefer to keep away from.
Two weeks latter which was filled with repeated images of her smile most of the time,,,,, stepped up and thought let me atleast give it a shot, no knowing she might be different.
Asked her to dance!
Boom!... first words out of her "on 1 or on 2"....
.......... wooooo holly molly,,,, major Red flag that I foolishly ignored, she is after all a elitist Salsa Snob, lost in the world of counting 1 , 2 and what not..... a kind of comment only people who are more into show dancing and showing off their superiority (immaturity) tend to do in the name partner dancing.
A part of me just wanted to yell, just shut the F up and dance... can you?
Thou taken aback, even thou she seemed very sweet, playful, innocent, beautiful looking and pretty. (also another reason most pretty gals are a huge turn off for me, cause of their lack of been grounded.... as men always tend to place them on a pedestal, so they end up earning the right to be high headed and look down on others,,, Economic theory of Supply and demand at work,,,,, well guess they have their own rights to what ever makes them happy,,
would I be like that if I was some very good looking , sought after person?? maybe I would be even more arrogant, who knows,,,,, but then I am not hollywood star material and would rather keep away from people who are in demand...., and they and their behavior is something I prefer not to put up with or be around)... [on a side note I am reminded of something someone used to constantly tell about me when I was a kid, """there is a reason why horses do not have horns"",, snide remarks made in reference to my height with respect to my energy]
Anyway back to story,,, Ended up saying, "oops sorry, I am bad at math, I am an illiterate, cannot count, you okay with that and just dancing?", to which she with a blank face and stare,,, nodded.
She probably was thinking, oh boy! this guy does not know to dance, god help me for the next 5 mins of hell.... booohooo! :(
Well the dance was okay, she seemed to follow, but not connect, something was missing and felt a bit off.
So I thought, thats where it ends, no physical chemistry...
But as lifes twists and turns holds, ended up chatting with her again accidentally and poof, she was working at something , like I did at the start of my career, not the ideal use of our skills and training.
But hey we all have to do things to survive . And boom there you go again, the Soul taking over the logic of the brain.
Again the tingling of soul and wanting to reach out to someone whos smile that fateful night had opened up a hole in my heart and subsequent waves of feelings,, confusion, light headedness, causing me to smile like a fool,,,, feelings.... spilling over into words..... ahh the foolishness of infatuation and falling in LOVE..... or something close to it.
Had I gone by my logical conclusions based on the dance, I should not have bothered much to dance with her. But then the soul takes over and so does circumstances.
In the battle between logic and the matter of the soul, when I was feeling strong, I just tried every possible way to keep away from her. But the soul is sneaky and always slips in and takes over with flimsy excuses to justify.
As I tired to push and pull away, something or the other happened and the soul again wanted to reach out and connect for the one last time,
oh! just this once,,, to help her out with that connection of common start of our career.....
ahh how I know the feeling of been in a very foreign land, away from family and roots,,,,,
how simple and down to earth our life styles are
how much we have in common,
how we like to be away from major luxuries in life
how we love to travel
how we are so intellectually-spiritually inclined
how we care about our actions affecting the world and environment,,,,
ah! all the ways that the soul could think about to lie and fool the logical brain.... and all this in the most possible non-sexual way. Pure out from the bottom of my heart, just with the hope of for-ever holding her to my heart and the wings of my arms...... nothing more,,, just that purity of union of the heart and soul...
There are things people do on an instinct and there are things that people do when they are able to logically think thru. The pure soul just does it on an instinct and does the right heart warming thing. Then most of use are not pure souls, we have the bitterness of our past experiences of been taken advantage off, or the heart been locked up and trying to instinctively protect itself..... trying to built walls and fences, that would hurt anyone trying to reach out to help us or love us....
So where does the soul come off in all this?
why should it feel attracted to another?
why should it care to make an attempt to reach out?
why should it try again and again to connect, only to be disregarded and shot down?
why should it go thru the bitterness of been let down?
why should it feel at all, if its not meant to be??????
................. To be continued.
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Monday jun 23 2014
Again back to drowning my sorrows and stocking up on beer to work up the courage to ask the snobs to dance salsa... Numbs the NO effect ... Testing out all kinds of theories — at pch
well started with a series of 5 "no"s tonite,,,, and just took one person to say yes and then the ball started rolling..... funny how the minds of gals work.... ,,,,, overly superficial and shallow to describe at best ,, such a turn off.... I would have just given up and sat it out after the 2nd no.. just that the alcohol helped ignore the negativity and move on to the next. ..
Just one high energy gal with the brightest beautiful smile and laughter when dancing,,,, ... filled up my heart with the warmth of her smile
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Start of a new Phase,,, Closing down the Phone# in Canada....,,, early morning Interviews from the East Coast.... (one from really east,,, PEI)... watching Football and more interviews.......
Fingers crossed on the uncertainty of what tomorrow holds ,,,,, charming life
There are some things I can change and have to accept the fact of not having the power/will power/or what ever, to change many.
Have to find Happiness in the little things in life and PEACE within, above all, helps me sleep like a child
Another interview over,,,,, good god,, some Indian women (interviewer) are really mean and bitchy..... its like the power has gone to their head and they tend to think others are their slaves...... grrrrr..
Even in salsa, I think from my past experience, have never had a good experience with women of Indian and Iranian origin.. always ,, always feel that they take me for granted and are mean to me....
The sweetest nicest, people are from Tibet and Nepal. ,, so heart warmingly sweet and kind.... ahhhh.. so sweet, I feel like doing anything and everything for them
""" When someone truly cares about you, they make an effort not an excuse"""
True,, true,,, ,,,,, and when they make excuses,,, u know that ur not among their priorities ,,,, and when you make the effort,,, the question becomes,, do they appreciate your efforts or tend to feel powerful and take you for granted!!!????
