Jun 17 , Afraid

Monday, Jun 17 2012

Past 3 days were kind of depressing.
ended up cooking mutton curry, then cleaning up the house a bit and doing laundry and a bit of shopping. watched the euro cup games. yet was not able to shake off the feeling.

Was running thru my mind trying to figure out why and what.

Did not feel like going out dancing, or going out and meeting anyone. Running all the possible scenarios. Was analyzing my emotion, and realised that after my last opening up of my heart about 2 years ago.. I have become a person who is afraid to fall in love, afraid of going thru the emotional pain that I did not want to go thru again, afraid to pair up and be taken for granted, emotionally insulted, betrayed with lies and decit. Blamed for things and incidences by a person who was so selfcentered and had no emotional sense of feeling that I too am person and have my own like, dis-likes, things I am scared off and have lots of insecurities. And the last thing I want was some one stomp over me.

Thou it was one of the saving graces that she is out of my life, but yet it feels hurtful and painful when memories of how badly I was treated comes back and then follows a hundred thousand questions on why would someone behave so selfishly, arrogantly, ignorantly and betray my trust and even after knowing the extend to which I went for her,, she conveniently , as was her selfish disposition , choose not to even glance in that direction.....  I owe myself better respect and treatment.
Glad in a way that it ended, should have ended much earlier and could have spared me much more emotional hurt.
  Quote on facebook.

In life you'll realize that there is a
purpose for every person you meet.
Some are there to test you, some
will use you, some will teach you, and
some will bring out the best in you.

Jun 14 2012, drag day

Thursday, Jun 14, 2012

having a hard time getting out of bed,,, sweet dreams are so hard to pull away from and face the not so sweet reality of day to day life.
hmmmm guess nothing exciting happening is good and peaceful in a way.

Jun 13 2012, shop floor visit - tango

Wednesday Jun 13 2012

got to the shop floor visit in the morning, then for some chipotle lunch and evening was off to tango. met sha there asked me if I was going to salsa tomorrow. ok so thats a date for tomorrow.

Jun 12 2012, wake up to fire engines

Tuesday, Jun 12 2012

woke up around 6 and heard the electricity shut off, all of a sudden it felt so quite. The AC in the neighborhood stopped.

then when I was in the wash room heard the sirens of emergency vehicles.... took a peek out of the window to seem them pull up in front of my apt.
immediately put on my dress and rushed out to see them all waiting out and that it was a false alarm triggered by the current cut.

so no breakfast, had a fast shower in the dark when there was still hot water in the tap.

then got out of the house aroun 7 and was at work aroun 7 35am

Got cracking on a few more online courses....

Jun 11 , monday blues

Monday, Jun 11 2012

feeling the monday blues,,,, not really motivated to go to work, or is it the hang over from saturdays hiking, legs are aching thou.

well lets see if after the shower, the masala tea will help.

was able to set up the new router yesterday after the old one seems to have developed its own issues.

connecting seems to be faster or rather the browsing seems to be.

Motivation,,,, please bless me.  6 more weeks for the proj to go live and hopefully I will get the sap-opening-in-netherlands.

Europe here I come.


I am sure I did some entry in the morning its missing now.

had a hard time motivating myself out of the house to get to work... but made it,, looks like it affected most of the people today, as very few people turned up.

well dragged thru the day and did some online training.

then back to home in the evening, did some meditation and got to watch euro cup, filled with its brand of racism,, no wonder the europeans are so screwed up and narrow minded in terms of respecting  people of other race of belief system.
just a bunch of sickos.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E0f259wCerY&feature=share

shocking how the cowards just go and attack peaceful people watching games in the stadium and even the cops do not do anything... all this because they are people of darker skin.

10pm to midnight, another online training course.... nice to see my former colleuges also on the call. looks like the future is scaring everyone, more so because of the uncertainity and the current market crashing in the technology we are on. the new technologies are fast replacing the old ones.... and job loss for people like us.

Jun 10 2012, Euro cup

Sunday, Jun 10 2012

had issues with connecting to the net,, after a few trials,, had to call up cable co to trouble shoot.
looks like the issue is with the wireless router..

got a new router towards the evening.

Jun 09 2012..... hiking

Saturday, Jun 09 2012

Got connected with Ramn from the college hostel days, got his digits and called him up. seems to have matured a bit, but the same old crap talk and trash talk, that was his signature.
But it was nice connecting to him.

It was a good hike and great german beir after that.

was interesting to connect with chirsiii towards the end and she wanted to try to out tango and salsa. lets see for now its salsa. she has a cute smile and bright dancing eyes.