Thursday, Jul 07, 2011
Why is it that the things we want most always seems to be so elusive. Was putting down on paper a couple of things that are most important to me and they seem to elude me. WHY.
Something from Osho... never ever thought that I would get back to Osho again after about 20 years. But some of his words do make sense thou not all his contradictory statements and claims of been an incarnation of Buddha.
"Everybody has been a child, and everybody has the same urge to get love; and nobody is born in any other way. So all are asking, "Give us love" and there is nobody to give, because the other person is also brought up in the same way. So one has to be alert and aware that just an incident of birth should not remain a constant prevailing state of your mind. Rather than asking, "Give me love," start giving love.
Forget about getting, simply give; and I guarantee you, you will get much." Osho
Love without clinging
Let go of expectations, rules, and demands
Free yourself from the fear of being alone
Be fully present in your relationships
Keep your love fresh and alive
Become a life partner with whom someone could continue to grow and change
Surrender your ego so you can surrender to love.
So I guess that its the inner child in me crying out for give me love and have been chasing it. But even when I decided to just let go and love for the sake of love, only ended up loving the wrong person and hurting my self, when I should have sensibly pulled out at the right time. good lessons of life learnt . :)
dads house and ancestral property:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eVvsFP_fHD0
hmm my video of deshusking and working early morning at home 6:30am.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=59V-6hLiwG0
Should I go for the biriyani today or just let go? maybe if I can make it out by 7:30 should be able to get there before 8:30 and get some biriyani packed for the week end.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Jul 06 Wed.. The wait and confusing starts
Wednesday, Jul 06 2011,
ITs confusing waiting and not knowing whats in store. Bos called back yesterday, thou he said somethings, he did not sound encouraging and optimistic. Was like he himself was not sure.
Now the question is should I start to apply . Not able to motivate myself to do it.
Was able to get some household chores done and my care inspection passed and oil changed. Submitted the expense report too.
Its like I need something challenging or rather that keeps me not too stressed, but still gives me the sense of been useful and doing something useful and contributing something useful to the society.
Just had my yummy salmon curry and then had canned fruits and blue berries for dinner yesterday.
Kind of gloomy today, nothing much seems to be happening, got chatting with vib in kerala in the afternoon.
Don't feel motivated to go for a run, might go out for a walk after the mad mony show.
or better skip that too.
Atleast got FB having video now to chat.
It was another frustrating instance getting a call for a job from a guy, totally Tamil. Trying all kinds of funny talk and not answering my questions with direct answers and playing around with words. at first he says it maybe a fly in fly out kind of job and then he wants me to re-locate to san-deigo.. so I ask him why and he comes up with the vaugest answers .
Then when I ask him the salary, he starts talking about H1B visa and Green card and stuff...... got so frustrated and just told him,, hey listen, I am not interested in your h1 visa and green card, I am happy with my canadian, so stop trying to tell me or sell me on that and tell me how much you can pay me.... at which he gave me a fig that was like 40 percent less than what I am making now.... so told him sorry I am not interested and just hung up with a thank you.
Good god the amount of time that guy wasted talking round and round in circles. lousy prick like that will only try and take things for granted going forward. Better to cut off these kind of people in all walks of our life and not let them in, nothing good EVER comes out of any kind of relationships with liars and crooked manipulative people.
ITs confusing waiting and not knowing whats in store. Bos called back yesterday, thou he said somethings, he did not sound encouraging and optimistic. Was like he himself was not sure.
Now the question is should I start to apply . Not able to motivate myself to do it.
Was able to get some household chores done and my care inspection passed and oil changed. Submitted the expense report too.
Its like I need something challenging or rather that keeps me not too stressed, but still gives me the sense of been useful and doing something useful and contributing something useful to the society.
Just had my yummy salmon curry and then had canned fruits and blue berries for dinner yesterday.
Kind of gloomy today, nothing much seems to be happening, got chatting with vib in kerala in the afternoon.
Don't feel motivated to go for a run, might go out for a walk after the mad mony show.
or better skip that too.
Atleast got FB having video now to chat.
It was another frustrating instance getting a call for a job from a guy, totally Tamil. Trying all kinds of funny talk and not answering my questions with direct answers and playing around with words. at first he says it maybe a fly in fly out kind of job and then he wants me to re-locate to san-deigo.. so I ask him why and he comes up with the vaugest answers .
Then when I ask him the salary, he starts talking about H1B visa and Green card and stuff...... got so frustrated and just told him,, hey listen, I am not interested in your h1 visa and green card, I am happy with my canadian, so stop trying to tell me or sell me on that and tell me how much you can pay me.... at which he gave me a fig that was like 40 percent less than what I am making now.... so told him sorry I am not interested and just hung up with a thank you.
Good god the amount of time that guy wasted talking round and round in circles. lousy prick like that will only try and take things for granted going forward. Better to cut off these kind of people in all walks of our life and not let them in, nothing good EVER comes out of any kind of relationships with liars and crooked manipulative people.
Monday, July 4, 2011
Jul 04 2011 Back home and full of adventure
Monday, July 04 2011,
Just got back from a 56 mile bike ride..... phew never ever thought that I would or could do that. Thanks to mal baby for coming up with the idea and pushing it thru. She was and has a good sense of adventure.
Just that after all the hours of biking my arse hurt really bad. And by the way this was the first time I biked in the US. used to bike in India out of necessity unlike the people in the west who bike for recreation, which again I don't think the people in the developed countries can ever understand.
And day before it was a great hike with syd and gang on Sat, was good to see chistina, seemed to be a bit on the down side, usually the bubbly gal who lit up the surrounding with her sincere smile seemed to be down.
Drive on Friday from lacrosse to wassu was so scenic. loved the green beauty of the American country side. Especially the sweet and nice people. So many blonds there all from the Norwegian area who came and settled in US.
drove for about 3hrs to reach wassu. then the flight from wassau to Detroit, dinner at detroit airport, with a tang of beer. And then the flight to Phl, looks like I got upgraded to Sky sliver by the delta airline, as now I got into zone 2 and a seat with lots of leg room. cheers to that and many more flights to come...
good god, I have been traveling and spending most of my time at the airports this year. Guess my life is one huge adventure of traveling all over the world. Got to stop resisting it and enjoying the travel and looking forward to many more.
now to get a beer and watch some world come games... and yes kingfisher beer.. ;)
Got to see how it will go with mal baby in the coming future, she seemed to be very reasonable in her arguments.. just that she is a indian who was born with a silver spoon and does not understand that the rest of india is not fortunate like her and are struggling to get even one meal a day.
Just got back from a 56 mile bike ride..... phew never ever thought that I would or could do that. Thanks to mal baby for coming up with the idea and pushing it thru. She was and has a good sense of adventure.
Just that after all the hours of biking my arse hurt really bad. And by the way this was the first time I biked in the US. used to bike in India out of necessity unlike the people in the west who bike for recreation, which again I don't think the people in the developed countries can ever understand.
And day before it was a great hike with syd and gang on Sat, was good to see chistina, seemed to be a bit on the down side, usually the bubbly gal who lit up the surrounding with her sincere smile seemed to be down.
Drive on Friday from lacrosse to wassu was so scenic. loved the green beauty of the American country side. Especially the sweet and nice people. So many blonds there all from the Norwegian area who came and settled in US.
drove for about 3hrs to reach wassu. then the flight from wassau to Detroit, dinner at detroit airport, with a tang of beer. And then the flight to Phl, looks like I got upgraded to Sky sliver by the delta airline, as now I got into zone 2 and a seat with lots of leg room. cheers to that and many more flights to come...
good god, I have been traveling and spending most of my time at the airports this year. Guess my life is one huge adventure of traveling all over the world. Got to stop resisting it and enjoying the travel and looking forward to many more.
now to get a beer and watch some world come games... and yes kingfisher beer.. ;)
Got to see how it will go with mal baby in the coming future, she seemed to be very reasonable in her arguments.. just that she is a indian who was born with a silver spoon and does not understand that the rest of india is not fortunate like her and are struggling to get even one meal a day.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Jun 29 2011 Frustration at work
Wednesday, Jun 29 2011
Frustration at work, with the report creation. Mostly the expectation of Clients wanting to the world out of the cheap package they got.
Mis match of expectation (or expectation running wild) and the ability of the software to deliver what they want seems to conflict.
wish stv would have tried to be involved on the reports earlier and had shown some inclination to understand what I wanted to tell and not waited till the last minute (like he always seem to do) and then end up under pressure to be in a position to deliver to his boss.
Walked by the river behind the hotel yesterday, beautiful and so many beautiful nice looking gals. They all look so sweet.
Even a little baby girl looked at me smiled and reached out her hand to me.
Well as I keep saying, Babies and Dogs know when they see a very nicer good hearted person. :)
I need to focus on enhancing my tech skill level and try to improve my presentation skills. Seriously need to.
Frustration at work, with the report creation. Mostly the expectation of Clients wanting to the world out of the cheap package they got.
Mis match of expectation (or expectation running wild) and the ability of the software to deliver what they want seems to conflict.
wish stv would have tried to be involved on the reports earlier and had shown some inclination to understand what I wanted to tell and not waited till the last minute (like he always seem to do) and then end up under pressure to be in a position to deliver to his boss.
Walked by the river behind the hotel yesterday, beautiful and so many beautiful nice looking gals. They all look so sweet.
Even a little baby girl looked at me smiled and reached out her hand to me.
Well as I keep saying, Babies and Dogs know when they see a very nicer good hearted person. :)
I need to focus on enhancing my tech skill level and try to improve my presentation skills. Seriously need to.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Jun 25 2011 sat, great hike and connection
Saturday, Jun 25 2011, great hike and connection with kat.
Was not sure if I would head out to the hike of sleep it off and prepare for the trip. at the last moment decided to hit the road and ended up meeting kat at the parking. she has the million dollar smile or should I say the million watt smile. seems to light up the whole place with her smilekAnd so easy to talk to and laugh about things.
said loves to dance, lets see if I can intro her to salsa. :)
Kel and jud seemed to pale faced and asked if we came together.. hehehe.. that is a nice sign, now I know for sure I am making a few people jealous, or in other words good to know and feel wanted by kel and jud. jud seems sweet and intelligent gal, but again I am not sure about her sense of being as a person.
Kel I know is a diva in her own right, she is beautiful looking.
Got to watch the Special Olympics opening ceremony in Greece. Those guys are the real heroes. Despite the odds stacked against them they seem to beat all the odds and have a ball with life.. cheers to their un-wavering spirit, they are really an inspiration, almost moved me to tears.
well to dig into my Tastiest Salmon curry and prepare for getting into the airport at the earliest.. guess will have to wake up again at 3am and get out by 4:30 to reach the airport by atleast 5:30 by 6:00 finish parking and reach check in. 6:30 to 6:45 finish security check and board by 7:30am.... reaching wassau around afternoon 3 and then 3hrs drive to la cross with the rented car.
At night called up home and talked to mom for a long time. dad and mom had gone to pondy for cousin laks daughter dins marriage. She is one serious nut case, always lying about something or the other or making stories about people and telling lies about people to others. Good that I told her to keep away from me and if she wants to go on with her way of living with lies to try that with other people and not to contact me at all.
Serious case of lying disorder.
Anyways was awe stuck with the marriage formalities... dammmm Rs 400 per person for the marriage lunch, thats more than what I would pay for a Buffet in US. And they had over 500 guests. Holly god cousin brother Laks must have spent lots of Rs on the marriage even thou it was held on the East Coast, many relatives did manage to travel for the marriage.
Was not sure if I would head out to the hike of sleep it off and prepare for the trip. at the last moment decided to hit the road and ended up meeting kat at the parking. she has the million dollar smile or should I say the million watt smile. seems to light up the whole place with her smilekAnd so easy to talk to and laugh about things.
said loves to dance, lets see if I can intro her to salsa. :)
Kel and jud seemed to pale faced and asked if we came together.. hehehe.. that is a nice sign, now I know for sure I am making a few people jealous, or in other words good to know and feel wanted by kel and jud. jud seems sweet and intelligent gal, but again I am not sure about her sense of being as a person.
Kel I know is a diva in her own right, she is beautiful looking.
Got to watch the Special Olympics opening ceremony in Greece. Those guys are the real heroes. Despite the odds stacked against them they seem to beat all the odds and have a ball with life.. cheers to their un-wavering spirit, they are really an inspiration, almost moved me to tears.
well to dig into my Tastiest Salmon curry and prepare for getting into the airport at the earliest.. guess will have to wake up again at 3am and get out by 4:30 to reach the airport by atleast 5:30 by 6:00 finish parking and reach check in. 6:30 to 6:45 finish security check and board by 7:30am.... reaching wassau around afternoon 3 and then 3hrs drive to la cross with the rented car.
At night called up home and talked to mom for a long time. dad and mom had gone to pondy for cousin laks daughter dins marriage. She is one serious nut case, always lying about something or the other or making stories about people and telling lies about people to others. Good that I told her to keep away from me and if she wants to go on with her way of living with lies to try that with other people and not to contact me at all.
Serious case of lying disorder.
Anyways was awe stuck with the marriage formalities... dammmm Rs 400 per person for the marriage lunch, thats more than what I would pay for a Buffet in US. And they had over 500 guests. Holly god cousin brother Laks must have spent lots of Rs on the marriage even thou it was held on the East Coast, many relatives did manage to travel for the marriage.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Jun 23 2011,, HEAVENLY Salmon curry
Thursday, Jun 23 2011
Just cooked and tasted the most heavenly Salmon Curry... yummmm so tasty. Beats all that I cooked so far. And I am cooking that after such a long time.
Sent out the last of the documents to stv kyl and ton. got to see what their response is and not to forget to send out the status report end of tomorrow. :)
yummmmm in heaven with the salmon curry. Wish my parents were here to enjoy it with me.
Surprise mail from di after a long time. The first and only Air force gal I know. Wonder how it is to date her. With all her constant traveling. Maybe she will turn up at the casino for salsa, she has been making all the moves and I have been not so reciprocal. Maybe today I will try to be open to her, she is pretty and cute looking puerto rican, looks a bit like a Malu gal. with dark curly hairs. hmmmm lets see.
Just cooked and tasted the most heavenly Salmon Curry... yummmm so tasty. Beats all that I cooked so far. And I am cooking that after such a long time.
Sent out the last of the documents to stv kyl and ton. got to see what their response is and not to forget to send out the status report end of tomorrow. :)
yummmmm in heaven with the salmon curry. Wish my parents were here to enjoy it with me.
Surprise mail from di after a long time. The first and only Air force gal I know. Wonder how it is to date her. With all her constant traveling. Maybe she will turn up at the casino for salsa, she has been making all the moves and I have been not so reciprocal. Maybe today I will try to be open to her, she is pretty and cute looking puerto rican, looks a bit like a Malu gal. with dark curly hairs. hmmmm lets see.
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