Tuesday Jul 27th 2010
---------------------
Woke up again a few times with weird dreams. Alarm from the iPhone went off at 5am put it to snooze and got out at 530am.
Saw Evas mail. felt nice reading it.
I wonder why I am sometimes not able to talk and open up when talking. I want to say so many things, but then just don't end up saying it. Was able to put it into words when writing the mail. Guess when we are talking I am just happy listening and getting to know about the other persons life and their happiness. And then just like to push some things that I should be talking out to the back and that just keeps becoming bigger and bigger emotional pain.
Maybe its a good thing to talk as it feels lighter after opening up.
Reach work in a hurry at 7am only to find that the meeting has been cancelled . :( bummer.
so end up reading Eva updates on her blog and chating with her.
Also saw the email exchange between ajit, nirmal and venu regarding the new gal that will be working from india supporting the work from bengaluru.
Will I be one of the persons complaining or loosing my job to Indian tech. hehehe.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
Jul 26th Mon
Monday, Jul 26th 2010
---------------------
wake up with a flip flop sleep. But after the mediatation I was feeling better to fall asleep.
off to work 7am.
Reach work a bit late than usual cause of taking a different route as the train gates were already blocking traffic.
was chatting with e and sent her the collection of my poems, musings.
Suggested to her to go meet my parents as she is already there in Bangalore and telli is just few hrs drive from mysore.
My poor old 80 year old dad went around town looking for a willing astrologer with her birth chart to find a willing astrologer who would do our chart comparision. Atleast she could have done was to make him happy by meeting him. He would atleast get to see the person whos birth chart he was carrying around for a few weeks to do the comparision.
Replied back to the questions from bena and bal about the poems quote.
Really feeling sick thinking about life and its unknown factors and trying to live with the questions that keep coming up so often.
around 12:30 thou I wanted to go out kris said there was a demo @ 1pm so stayed back, Was feeling restless. CAlled up Eva and just got her coming back after meeting punita. She seemed to want to hang up and talk with her room mate. And then continued talking after I told her that I called her as I was feeling some kind of restless feeling. Talked for a few more mins and then she said she wanted to go join her room mates.
Went for the demo, which turned out to be more of a interaction secession with the users. Came out around 2pm and went home @2:30 to cook up the roti and heat up the chicken curry.
Was still feeling some kind of hopeless restlessness. Tried to meditate and calm down a bit. Atleast got call from narayan and know that he is doing well as he did not pick up the phone yesterday.
got back to work around 3:30 still the inquisitive, restless beating of the heart.
4:30 the usual run for traning, just went along with the guys to the training room, was not able to focus.
What is happening to me.
Get call from Anil, tell him will call after reaching home.
Reach home around 6:30 talk with anil who is out shopping at khols and getting call from wife to buy something else on the way. he goes to old navy to return something and then goes to walmart near to his house by 8:20.
I try to rest for a few mins. get up around 9:20 and brush my teeth and take off to Vango for some salsa.
meet laura there who i met last time. she was in vancouver too. She is a beginner and also just studying in college. We dance continously for sometime. Then around 11 she leaves and asks me when I am coming next. I tell her that I am not motivated to travel for 2hrs on a monday night for just 2 hrs of dancing.
Tell her to email me when ever she is going to be in Vango and I will also let her know about my plans.
Then get to dance a few more dances with a few more gals, just one dance was great the whole night. And at 12:20 head back to the car and reach home around 1:30 hit bed by 2am.
---------------------
wake up with a flip flop sleep. But after the mediatation I was feeling better to fall asleep.
off to work 7am.
Reach work a bit late than usual cause of taking a different route as the train gates were already blocking traffic.
was chatting with e and sent her the collection of my poems, musings.
Suggested to her to go meet my parents as she is already there in Bangalore and telli is just few hrs drive from mysore.
My poor old 80 year old dad went around town looking for a willing astrologer with her birth chart to find a willing astrologer who would do our chart comparision. Atleast she could have done was to make him happy by meeting him. He would atleast get to see the person whos birth chart he was carrying around for a few weeks to do the comparision.
Replied back to the questions from bena and bal about the poems quote.
Really feeling sick thinking about life and its unknown factors and trying to live with the questions that keep coming up so often.
around 12:30 thou I wanted to go out kris said there was a demo @ 1pm so stayed back, Was feeling restless. CAlled up Eva and just got her coming back after meeting punita. She seemed to want to hang up and talk with her room mate. And then continued talking after I told her that I called her as I was feeling some kind of restless feeling. Talked for a few more mins and then she said she wanted to go join her room mates.
Went for the demo, which turned out to be more of a interaction secession with the users. Came out around 2pm and went home @2:30 to cook up the roti and heat up the chicken curry.
Was still feeling some kind of hopeless restlessness. Tried to meditate and calm down a bit. Atleast got call from narayan and know that he is doing well as he did not pick up the phone yesterday.
got back to work around 3:30 still the inquisitive, restless beating of the heart.
4:30 the usual run for traning, just went along with the guys to the training room, was not able to focus.
What is happening to me.
Get call from Anil, tell him will call after reaching home.
Reach home around 6:30 talk with anil who is out shopping at khols and getting call from wife to buy something else on the way. he goes to old navy to return something and then goes to walmart near to his house by 8:20.
I try to rest for a few mins. get up around 9:20 and brush my teeth and take off to Vango for some salsa.
meet laura there who i met last time. she was in vancouver too. She is a beginner and also just studying in college. We dance continously for sometime. Then around 11 she leaves and asks me when I am coming next. I tell her that I am not motivated to travel for 2hrs on a monday night for just 2 hrs of dancing.
Tell her to email me when ever she is going to be in Vango and I will also let her know about my plans.
Then get to dance a few more dances with a few more gals, just one dance was great the whole night. And at 12:20 head back to the car and reach home around 1:30 hit bed by 2am.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Jul 25h Sunday
Sunday, Jul 25 2010
-------------------
Woke up around 8am debating weather to go for the hike.. was needed to be at sidneys place by 9:30... too late. Well might as well focus on getting things done around the house, shop for groceries.
Called up home and talked for a few mins, got to know that Adhi got into engineering in kerala and prathis son got into enigneering in bangalore. Also cousin sis chandinis daughter got into medical in jipmer. top medical college in India. wow. smart gal.
Looks like every one in the coming generation in the family is either going to be an engineer or a doctor. :) proud go to be part of smart family gene.
around 11am call up Eva, asks me to call back after 30 mins. so i ask her to call me back when she is ready. get her call back at 11:56am. they spent almost 40 mins trying to connect with her with the calling card. got to her around 12:36. IT seems she was busy talking with some other friend. And as soon as we start talking she starts feeling sleepy and wants to go to bed.
I spent almost an hour and half hoping to talk with her and was trying for more than 40 mins to call her and in 5 mins into the call, she wants to end the call. Well she does not seems to have changed much. It was the same thing when we were in a relationship too. All the effort was from me, and then in the end after putting in all the effort, the person who got hurt the most was just me. And the worst part she accuses me of ignoring her. While all she ever did was ignore anything and everything about me and only focused on her own wants and wishes.
Well are all women like that - Selfish and Self centered? AV said yes they are all like that. He said he has problems even with his daughters who behaves like that.
Why do I let people take me for granted so much. No wonder I feel so much gratitude towards people especially women who seem to even give me a smile and almost seem to want to do anything for the lady who is kind enough to dance with me or talk nicely with me.
OR
am I been just too judgemental. Its easy to expect certain behavior from others, but we will never know what their thinking is or conditions are unless we travel in their shoes.
Went and dropped off the rent check posted the heat bill to peco. paid the cell phone bill.
To costco for milk and grapes. then got a call from Balaji, talked for a few then tried to call anil back could not get him or narayan.
Started raining after I got out of costco. was hot and sunny when I entered.
Got msg from Evas dad that they are back from Yoga full of energy.
6:30pm feeling very restless and mind troubled. Went for a drive its cooler outside after the rain.
Filled up gas, talked with AV who was at Universal studios with his kids and his wife went to East coast to meet her uncle. For this week he is taking care of them in LA away from the SFO bay area.
Drove over to get gas filled and with the sun still out at 7:50 and still feeling restless. I think I will meditate. Really bothered by somethings happening that I have no control over.
9pm go for a run. ITS FULL MOON,
the beauty of the moon rippling thru the horizon.
standing up in the eastern skies with a full face
radiating its beautiful glowing light
ahh how I wish there was the love of my life
with me to share this beautiful moment
forever etching it in our hearts together
to become one in mind and soul forever.
The darkness melts in the milky glow
cherishing the tender moments in times flow
with an aching heart that swallow its tears
tremble I when the comes true my worst fears
-------------------
Woke up around 8am debating weather to go for the hike.. was needed to be at sidneys place by 9:30... too late. Well might as well focus on getting things done around the house, shop for groceries.
Called up home and talked for a few mins, got to know that Adhi got into engineering in kerala and prathis son got into enigneering in bangalore. Also cousin sis chandinis daughter got into medical in jipmer. top medical college in India. wow. smart gal.
Looks like every one in the coming generation in the family is either going to be an engineer or a doctor. :) proud go to be part of smart family gene.
around 11am call up Eva, asks me to call back after 30 mins. so i ask her to call me back when she is ready. get her call back at 11:56am. they spent almost 40 mins trying to connect with her with the calling card. got to her around 12:36. IT seems she was busy talking with some other friend. And as soon as we start talking she starts feeling sleepy and wants to go to bed.
I spent almost an hour and half hoping to talk with her and was trying for more than 40 mins to call her and in 5 mins into the call, she wants to end the call. Well she does not seems to have changed much. It was the same thing when we were in a relationship too. All the effort was from me, and then in the end after putting in all the effort, the person who got hurt the most was just me. And the worst part she accuses me of ignoring her. While all she ever did was ignore anything and everything about me and only focused on her own wants and wishes.
Well are all women like that - Selfish and Self centered? AV said yes they are all like that. He said he has problems even with his daughters who behaves like that.
Why do I let people take me for granted so much. No wonder I feel so much gratitude towards people especially women who seem to even give me a smile and almost seem to want to do anything for the lady who is kind enough to dance with me or talk nicely with me.
OR
am I been just too judgemental. Its easy to expect certain behavior from others, but we will never know what their thinking is or conditions are unless we travel in their shoes.
Went and dropped off the rent check posted the heat bill to peco. paid the cell phone bill.
To costco for milk and grapes. then got a call from Balaji, talked for a few then tried to call anil back could not get him or narayan.
Started raining after I got out of costco. was hot and sunny when I entered.
Got msg from Evas dad that they are back from Yoga full of energy.
6:30pm feeling very restless and mind troubled. Went for a drive its cooler outside after the rain.
Filled up gas, talked with AV who was at Universal studios with his kids and his wife went to East coast to meet her uncle. For this week he is taking care of them in LA away from the SFO bay area.
Drove over to get gas filled and with the sun still out at 7:50 and still feeling restless. I think I will meditate. Really bothered by somethings happening that I have no control over.
9pm go for a run. ITS FULL MOON,
the beauty of the moon rippling thru the horizon.
standing up in the eastern skies with a full face
radiating its beautiful glowing light
ahh how I wish there was the love of my life
with me to share this beautiful moment
forever etching it in our hearts together
to become one in mind and soul forever.
The darkness melts in the milky glow
cherishing the tender moments in times flow
with an aching heart that swallow its tears
tremble I when the comes true my worst fears
Jul24th
Saturday Jul 24 2010
--------------------
Woke up and decided to head out for the hike and anthropology museum.
reached Sidneys house around 10am for the ride $4 for car pooling.
Reached Bartmans garden about 11am Took a guided tour. The guide was a very beautiful and very well informed lady from Romania, Alina, lovely. She has a degree in History and is doing another in Conservation. wow. So elegant and very informed and great presentation. Would love to hang out with her and have good conversation.
I have a soft corner for girls who are smart and can hold a conversation and talk passionately about some subject. And when its history, its even interesting to know more about the past in the our beautiful world. All about human behavior and how different people left their foot prints before us.
After that we all headed to the Penn University. Such a huge campus and the surrounding area seems to be filled up with students from all over the world. Lots of hippie type of characters trying to make a statement with their dressing and hair style and piercing, tattoos.
$8 for entry into the museum. Was rushed thru as the others were not able to be in a room with out AC... damm spoiled people.
I think I could spend hrs or maybe days at that place reading about the different people and cultures of the world.
5pm return and we all head to Dock street for Pizza and beer. And great conversation.
Met another girl there who is into salsa. cheers
10pm went to down town for some salsa, danced a beautiful bachata with a chinese girl. She was so easy to lead. If I would have danced with her for more, I think I would have fallen in love with her.
Ahhhh I am feeling so weak and suggestible. Hope I don't make any mistakes and fall in love with the wrong person for the wrong reasons.
Around 2 am retrun back home.
--------------------
Woke up and decided to head out for the hike and anthropology museum.
reached Sidneys house around 10am for the ride $4 for car pooling.
Reached Bartmans garden about 11am Took a guided tour. The guide was a very beautiful and very well informed lady from Romania, Alina, lovely. She has a degree in History and is doing another in Conservation. wow. So elegant and very informed and great presentation. Would love to hang out with her and have good conversation.
I have a soft corner for girls who are smart and can hold a conversation and talk passionately about some subject. And when its history, its even interesting to know more about the past in the our beautiful world. All about human behavior and how different people left their foot prints before us.
After that we all headed to the Penn University. Such a huge campus and the surrounding area seems to be filled up with students from all over the world. Lots of hippie type of characters trying to make a statement with their dressing and hair style and piercing, tattoos.
$8 for entry into the museum. Was rushed thru as the others were not able to be in a room with out AC... damm spoiled people.
I think I could spend hrs or maybe days at that place reading about the different people and cultures of the world.
5pm return and we all head to Dock street for Pizza and beer. And great conversation.
Met another girl there who is into salsa. cheers
10pm went to down town for some salsa, danced a beautiful bachata with a chinese girl. She was so easy to lead. If I would have danced with her for more, I think I would have fallen in love with her.
Ahhhh I am feeling so weak and suggestible. Hope I don't make any mistakes and fall in love with the wrong person for the wrong reasons.
Around 2 am retrun back home.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Jul 23rd Friiiii day to salsa or not to salsa
Friday, Jul 23 2010
-------------------
off to work at 6:40am,,,,:)
Got in @ 6:55am only to find that the meeting got moved at 1:39am to 8am.
Its okay, I need to make calls to muhu in van to see if the deposite for my vacouver apt has come. Then the Bc hydro.
time to pay bills and the works :)
Ended up cleaning up the bath tub early morning. Sneaking lil chors in between and knocking it of the To Do lists, good time management :)
might give the car for inspection in the afternoon, rather go home for lunch and then drop the car off for inspection. :)
Gave the car for inspection in the afternoon and got a call in the afternoon. Phew! it passed with out any hassel. was scared that this also would end up in another multiple round of back and forth. But it is a nice day, everything went smoothy. Wish every day was like this.
Got back home around 5:30 and had some snacks , debating the best time to go for salsa.
-------------------
off to work at 6:40am,,,,:)
Got in @ 6:55am only to find that the meeting got moved at 1:39am to 8am.
Its okay, I need to make calls to muhu in van to see if the deposite for my vacouver apt has come. Then the Bc hydro.
time to pay bills and the works :)
Ended up cleaning up the bath tub early morning. Sneaking lil chors in between and knocking it of the To Do lists, good time management :)
might give the car for inspection in the afternoon, rather go home for lunch and then drop the car off for inspection. :)
Gave the car for inspection in the afternoon and got a call in the afternoon. Phew! it passed with out any hassel. was scared that this also would end up in another multiple round of back and forth. But it is a nice day, everything went smoothy. Wish every day was like this.
Got back home around 5:30 and had some snacks , debating the best time to go for salsa.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
jul22
Thursday, Jul 22, 2010
----------------------
lazy wake up after passing out on the couch. The partially cooked chicken curry was still hot from yesterday nights... put it in the fridge, got to see if I can finish cooking today.
Reached work by 6:55am only to find conf call pushed off to 8am.
was chatting a bit with Eva over igoogle. IT would have been so great if only she could come to US, we could have gone camping to one of the National parks as the yearly membership was still valid till the end of Aug. And then together we could take a flight to her town(village).
If only she was open to it. or who knows what her real intentions and plans are.
around 12 get back home and start giving the finishing touches to the chicken curry, finished it by 12:40 ate lunch with rice yummmy... atlast it was worth the effort. Better than paying off 7 to 8 dollars at the office canteen.
Drop off car at the garage of the inspection. Dharmesh was there. so the owner gave us both a ride back to work, which was like 5 mins walk. Just because dharmesh was not able to walk in the heat and behaving like a European from Iceland that poor old man had to drive us.
3:30 to 4:30 helped test with Karthi on T5 for fixes to the Cti.
4:45 get out with dharmesh to the garage,
walking on the way found a ball, gave it to the owners wife to give it to their grand kids.
they were not able to do the tests on my car and the owner asked me to bring it in tomorrow.
Was feeling hungry as soon as I got back home and saw the chicken curry, again had some rice and chicken curry. cheers :)
got dressed to go for a run, laid down a bit and I think must have fallen asleep, woke up with the neighbors taking their dogs out for a walk. The whole apartment complex seems to be filled with couples and their dogs.
around 8pm made a move out by promising myself a mixed fruit smootiee. went for a good run after a very long time. felt good. maybe soon I will be able to increase the distance, because I have been running fast. Will slow down the speed and run longer distance.
got to take a few spectaular shots of the moon.
----------------------
lazy wake up after passing out on the couch. The partially cooked chicken curry was still hot from yesterday nights... put it in the fridge, got to see if I can finish cooking today.
Reached work by 6:55am only to find conf call pushed off to 8am.
was chatting a bit with Eva over igoogle. IT would have been so great if only she could come to US, we could have gone camping to one of the National parks as the yearly membership was still valid till the end of Aug. And then together we could take a flight to her town(village).
If only she was open to it. or who knows what her real intentions and plans are.
around 12 get back home and start giving the finishing touches to the chicken curry, finished it by 12:40 ate lunch with rice yummmy... atlast it was worth the effort. Better than paying off 7 to 8 dollars at the office canteen.
Drop off car at the garage of the inspection. Dharmesh was there. so the owner gave us both a ride back to work, which was like 5 mins walk. Just because dharmesh was not able to walk in the heat and behaving like a European from Iceland that poor old man had to drive us.
3:30 to 4:30 helped test with Karthi on T5 for fixes to the Cti.
4:45 get out with dharmesh to the garage,
walking on the way found a ball, gave it to the owners wife to give it to their grand kids.
they were not able to do the tests on my car and the owner asked me to bring it in tomorrow.
Was feeling hungry as soon as I got back home and saw the chicken curry, again had some rice and chicken curry. cheers :)
got dressed to go for a run, laid down a bit and I think must have fallen asleep, woke up with the neighbors taking their dogs out for a walk. The whole apartment complex seems to be filled with couples and their dogs.
around 8pm made a move out by promising myself a mixed fruit smootiee. went for a good run after a very long time. felt good. maybe soon I will be able to increase the distance, because I have been running fast. Will slow down the speed and run longer distance.
got to take a few spectaular shots of the moon.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Jul 21 Wed
Wednesday, 21 Jul 2010
//////////////////////
Just past mid night into the new start of another day. Strange the new day starts always in darkness. Man sleeps thru the dark part and tries to wake up at sunrise and starts the day with a ahhh new day, new sun. But in fact the day went thru a very dark phase before it got lit up by the sunlight. Its like we all live the initial part of our life in the darkness of our ignorance and then suddenly wake up to the bright sunlight like happiness of life. And then during the course of the day, go thru a series of ups and downs and depending on how we are feeling towards the end of the day, we either want the day to last for ever or to end as soon as possible. Paradox of life that seem to swing in the glowing brightness of life.
ne ways heading to bed now.
wake up by 5 and out of bed by 5:30am. reach work by 6:50am. as I skipped making coffee / tea.
the conf call was very brief, from 7:10 to 7:25am. And kris asked if I could drop him off at JFK airport on Aug 7th for his trip to India.
he needs to be there by 8am and so we need to start off from lansdale by 5:30am. Maybe after that I will head over to narayans place or the temple. Been a long time since I have been to the temple. Malini said her parents are going off by Aug14.
Called up eva after the conf call and chatted for about an hr. Seems to be down with problems of stomach again. Nice to know her point of view about her trip to India. She finds Ahmadabad cleaner than the other parts of india she visited. Wonder what she will think of gods own country kerala.
8:50 get to the mechanic shop, a new guy is sitting there and did not know anything about the test and inspection I was promised yesterday by the guy Al.
He wanted me to leave the car at the shop, I said I need the car. Said will give me a call.
10am to 11am team meeting. voiced my concern about the dev set up for cti.
Went home for lunch @12 and was back by 1.
Mat invited me for conducting some CTI test for DTC new scripts@3:30 went on till 5pm. got out around 6pm.
In between the guys were still harassing kris and it felt more sick that they were continuing on the same old subject and it felt like these sick guys were still stuck in 7th grade.
//////////////////////
Just past mid night into the new start of another day. Strange the new day starts always in darkness. Man sleeps thru the dark part and tries to wake up at sunrise and starts the day with a ahhh new day, new sun. But in fact the day went thru a very dark phase before it got lit up by the sunlight. Its like we all live the initial part of our life in the darkness of our ignorance and then suddenly wake up to the bright sunlight like happiness of life. And then during the course of the day, go thru a series of ups and downs and depending on how we are feeling towards the end of the day, we either want the day to last for ever or to end as soon as possible. Paradox of life that seem to swing in the glowing brightness of life.
ne ways heading to bed now.
wake up by 5 and out of bed by 5:30am. reach work by 6:50am. as I skipped making coffee / tea.
the conf call was very brief, from 7:10 to 7:25am. And kris asked if I could drop him off at JFK airport on Aug 7th for his trip to India.
he needs to be there by 8am and so we need to start off from lansdale by 5:30am. Maybe after that I will head over to narayans place or the temple. Been a long time since I have been to the temple. Malini said her parents are going off by Aug14.
Called up eva after the conf call and chatted for about an hr. Seems to be down with problems of stomach again. Nice to know her point of view about her trip to India. She finds Ahmadabad cleaner than the other parts of india she visited. Wonder what she will think of gods own country kerala.
8:50 get to the mechanic shop, a new guy is sitting there and did not know anything about the test and inspection I was promised yesterday by the guy Al.
He wanted me to leave the car at the shop, I said I need the car. Said will give me a call.
10am to 11am team meeting. voiced my concern about the dev set up for cti.
Went home for lunch @12 and was back by 1.
Mat invited me for conducting some CTI test for DTC new scripts@3:30 went on till 5pm. got out around 6pm.
In between the guys were still harassing kris and it felt more sick that they were continuing on the same old subject and it felt like these sick guys were still stuck in 7th grade.
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