Mon Jul 19th 2010
=================
Woke up early 5am, but was trying out some kind of mind management techniques and ended up getting out of bed by 6:10am and rushed thru to reach office by 7:05am. In time for the conf call.
New guy replacing RajD comes in from kolkata. seems to have had a hard 36 hr flight.
Had called up evi yesterday night around mid-night. she seems to have reached New Delhi and was waiting for her connecting train. Ended up calling her after seeing the head line news of Train accident in India. But the accident seems to have happend near to Kolkata. So many lives just lost for some little carelessness by some people. So many families suffering from the tragedy.
Been sitting at the desk for about 11 hrs staright and now feeling hungry. Had lunch rather Brunch around 12 at desk. Microwaved the uppma that I had cooked yesterday.
Kind of trying to put a good document together to present to joe and rob about the cti call flow.
head aeching now. need to get out.
Out of work around 6:30 after the supposed to be training from 4:30pm
Just did not have it in me to cook or go for a run. Mentally exhausted.
Went for a brief walk around 9pm with the sun setting, checked the mail box for letter, just the phone bill.
Got back home and sat on the balcony upto 10pm just looking at the stars and meditating on life.
What direction is my life going, where is it all leading to? What is the purpose of all this. Is there a higher purpose for everything that seems to be happening around me, to me?
Monday, July 19, 2010
Sunday, July 18, 2010
jul 18th hiking the Peace valley
Sun, Jul 18 2010
================
Woke up early as it has now become a habit. :)
Tried calling up Eva, she picked up the second time around and was not able to hear, hear a loud squeaking sound behind her. Will have to call her latter.
by 11:30 planning on going to Tara place and then from there to peace valley. 4 hrs to kill till then, might as well start with vacuuming and cleaning up the house.
Finished vacuuming and then called up E and got her on board the train to Delhi. She left her ex-room mate who is going back home via nepal and tibet back to China.
Was not able to hear eva clearly most of the time as the people besides them were talking too loudly and I could hear them speak more clearly than eva. It sounded like a Husband and Wife talk, where the wife was saying something rather ordering and the husband was coming up with a hundered different excuses. hehehe
11:30 reached taras house, and from there the we went to Peace Valley. We rented a kayak for an hour and to my surprise I did not feel scared or any kind of anxiety. We paddled around half of the Peace valley lake. It was so peacefull and beautiful. Loved it, it was more like Deer lake in Burnaby. :)
But the water and surrounding seemed to be more well maintained than Deer lake. To top it all in the sun there was a very pleasant breeeze and wind blowing. Loved it there.
After that we went for a hike partially around the lake.
On our way back, we went and had lunch at Zoto's. cute lil place mostly suburban white folks and workers.
Got back to Taras place a bit exhausted. Got my stuff into my car and then got back home. Dropped off my new bag and then went straight to Costco to get my box of Ice cream cones. :)
Returned back home and had an urge to have a cool fruit smoothie... made one and now writing the blog sipping in the smoothie... yummmm and refreshing.
================
Woke up early as it has now become a habit. :)
Tried calling up Eva, she picked up the second time around and was not able to hear, hear a loud squeaking sound behind her. Will have to call her latter.
by 11:30 planning on going to Tara place and then from there to peace valley. 4 hrs to kill till then, might as well start with vacuuming and cleaning up the house.
Finished vacuuming and then called up E and got her on board the train to Delhi. She left her ex-room mate who is going back home via nepal and tibet back to China.
Was not able to hear eva clearly most of the time as the people besides them were talking too loudly and I could hear them speak more clearly than eva. It sounded like a Husband and Wife talk, where the wife was saying something rather ordering and the husband was coming up with a hundered different excuses. hehehe
11:30 reached taras house, and from there the we went to Peace Valley. We rented a kayak for an hour and to my surprise I did not feel scared or any kind of anxiety. We paddled around half of the Peace valley lake. It was so peacefull and beautiful. Loved it, it was more like Deer lake in Burnaby. :)
But the water and surrounding seemed to be more well maintained than Deer lake. To top it all in the sun there was a very pleasant breeeze and wind blowing. Loved it there.
After that we went for a hike partially around the lake.
On our way back, we went and had lunch at Zoto's. cute lil place mostly suburban white folks and workers.
Got back to Taras place a bit exhausted. Got my stuff into my car and then got back home. Dropped off my new bag and then went straight to Costco to get my box of Ice cream cones. :)
Returned back home and had an urge to have a cool fruit smoothie... made one and now writing the blog sipping in the smoothie... yummmm and refreshing.
jul 17th hiking and Japanese
Sar, jul 17th 2010
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Called up home and talked for about 30 mins.
By 10:30am was out of the house to go hiking with the group.
While driving to the hike,
Called up Eva and she asked to call back after about 30 mins
Called up Tara and left a msg.
Reached Sidneys place around 11:15am.
parked car there and took a ride in sidneys car, $2 paid to him after reaching the start of the hike-> Chamounix Mansion.
There were about 27 people various ages and countries and back ground. nice.
On the bridge over the river watching the regatta of rowers, called up Eva, was not able to hear her properly. And some where in between the call got cut off with too much disturbance.
Around 2:30pm we reached the Japanese Horticultural center, $4 for a tour.
was too exhausted by 5.pm
Talked with Anil V for sometime. then got a msg from tara saying will call back in 1hr.
Tara called and we made plans to go to Peace Valley tomorow the sunday, as she hikes there. Wanted to try out rowing the kayak too. Lets see. :)
was too exhausted and passed out.
------------------
Called up home and talked for about 30 mins.
By 10:30am was out of the house to go hiking with the group.
While driving to the hike,
Called up Eva and she asked to call back after about 30 mins
Called up Tara and left a msg.
Reached Sidneys place around 11:15am.
parked car there and took a ride in sidneys car, $2 paid to him after reaching the start of the hike-> Chamounix Mansion.
There were about 27 people various ages and countries and back ground. nice.
On the bridge over the river watching the regatta of rowers, called up Eva, was not able to hear her properly. And some where in between the call got cut off with too much disturbance.
Around 2:30pm we reached the Japanese Horticultural center, $4 for a tour.
was too exhausted by 5.pm
Talked with Anil V for sometime. then got a msg from tara saying will call back in 1hr.
Tara called and we made plans to go to Peace Valley tomorow the sunday, as she hikes there. Wanted to try out rowing the kayak too. Lets see. :)
was too exhausted and passed out.
Friday, July 16, 2010
Jul16, friday, weekend salsa
Fri, jul16th 2010
-----------------
Woke up on the couch around 2am did not feel like going to the Broom. heard the microwave beeping with the food that I had tried to heat up around 10pm at night.
Was feeling too tired to even go switch that off.
Whats happening, am I coming down with some kind of virus or is it plain laziness.
Got to work by 7am just about beating one train gate, got stuck at the 2nd. Yet made it to work station by 7. 1st to log on to the call .was talking with kris about the stone walling by the avya team of mat and tony.
Had got a meeting invite by joe F to map out the CTI on Sangets instruction. Got to see what that is all about at 9:30.
Cit seems to have not made big progress in its profit announcement along with BankAmerica . Golman seems to be doing well with its settlement yesterday with Sec.
11: drive RajD and his wife to Khols for shopping and he said he has made arrangements to get back.
12: tried to call up eva from home, the ph seems to be ringing but not picking up, hoping that things are fine with her, its about 9:30 india time. will try again in a few mins to see that things are well with her, as per last talk, she should be in Varnasi and ready to go back to Ahmadabad.
12:30called her no up again, no response.
Back to work.
joe arranged a meeting with Tony and matt for Dev and Moc issues. 3:30pm
Talked with Anil for sometime. Then got call from Malin who was back home from work, to plan out the evening as she said she needed some sleep before been able to salsa.
So asked her to call me after 6.
Then tried calling up Eva again around 1pm , 10:30am her time, again no response. Wondering if she is on the train or if she just turned down the ringer volume or not picking up delibrately.
Got msg from tar about been fine for sat salsa.
Will try one last time now 11:45 ist. to see if e is not is some kind of trouble. Again no response.
Got back home around 7pm got a couple of calls from Mali. :)
Was wondering if the purity of love and its innocence is lost.
Something that is so pure and delicate,
like the wings of a butter fly,
Something that feels painful even to think of getting the slightest damage.
Is e deliberately not picking up the phone?
is there some other reason?
or is all her sweet innocence and been a sincere person gone
Hardened by the climate and lifes tempering.
Emotionally I am so low on self esteem now, I feel that I may fall for any gal been even a little nice with.
And if its someone wanting to take advantage of me, she could easily manipulate my emotional state.
Guess thats one of the reasons I am getting scared to go out salsa dancing with Mali or tara.
And not even in a strong state of mind to say no. just scared at one end and not wanting to loose the purity and sincerity of my love, want to cherish those feelings towards one special person for ever with all its pure sincerity.
What will happen is something the days will reveal.
-----------------
Woke up on the couch around 2am did not feel like going to the Broom. heard the microwave beeping with the food that I had tried to heat up around 10pm at night.
Was feeling too tired to even go switch that off.
Whats happening, am I coming down with some kind of virus or is it plain laziness.
Got to work by 7am just about beating one train gate, got stuck at the 2nd. Yet made it to work station by 7. 1st to log on to the call .was talking with kris about the stone walling by the avya team of mat and tony.
Had got a meeting invite by joe F to map out the CTI on Sangets instruction. Got to see what that is all about at 9:30.
Cit seems to have not made big progress in its profit announcement along with BankAmerica . Golman seems to be doing well with its settlement yesterday with Sec.
11: drive RajD and his wife to Khols for shopping and he said he has made arrangements to get back.
12: tried to call up eva from home, the ph seems to be ringing but not picking up, hoping that things are fine with her, its about 9:30 india time. will try again in a few mins to see that things are well with her, as per last talk, she should be in Varnasi and ready to go back to Ahmadabad.
12:30called her no up again, no response.
Back to work.
joe arranged a meeting with Tony and matt for Dev and Moc issues. 3:30pm
Talked with Anil for sometime. Then got call from Malin who was back home from work, to plan out the evening as she said she needed some sleep before been able to salsa.
So asked her to call me after 6.
Then tried calling up Eva again around 1pm , 10:30am her time, again no response. Wondering if she is on the train or if she just turned down the ringer volume or not picking up delibrately.
Got msg from tar about been fine for sat salsa.
Will try one last time now 11:45 ist. to see if e is not is some kind of trouble. Again no response.
Got back home around 7pm got a couple of calls from Mali. :)
Was wondering if the purity of love and its innocence is lost.
Something that is so pure and delicate,
like the wings of a butter fly,
Something that feels painful even to think of getting the slightest damage.
Is e deliberately not picking up the phone?
is there some other reason?
or is all her sweet innocence and been a sincere person gone
Hardened by the climate and lifes tempering.
Emotionally I am so low on self esteem now, I feel that I may fall for any gal been even a little nice with.
And if its someone wanting to take advantage of me, she could easily manipulate my emotional state.
Guess thats one of the reasons I am getting scared to go out salsa dancing with Mali or tara.
And not even in a strong state of mind to say no. just scared at one end and not wanting to loose the purity and sincerity of my love, want to cherish those feelings towards one special person for ever with all its pure sincerity.
What will happen is something the days will reveal.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Jul 15 Thu , workshop-precise
Thu, Jul 15 2010
-----------------
Had gone to sleep early, rather was been lazy, did not go for the planned run nor work out.
Wanted to get up early, thou I woke up at 5am a practice which took some time to develope, did not get out of bed till 5:45. So then had to skip the brief yoga and kick boxing work out that I had planned for 5:45 to 6:15am.
Just ended up rushing thru the actions and made it out by 6:45am to beat the train gates and into work by 6:55am.
The first in at the conf. kris and the indian team made it in intervals of 5 mins after 7:10am. Talked to kirs about the issue with mat and his british attitude of probably looking down on us dark skinned. And hence his taking liberty of raising his voice when I am trying to understand the limitations of setting up the Dev envi.
Not one of the best teams to work with if he is going to get too protective about his island.
Anyways, sent out a mail to georg s about needing more help. Atleast he included me in the mail chain that mat did not.
Change and scared of change is a common human thread. People react in different ways.
We now have the new process that seems to be coming on and not every one is open to the use of a new system for internal metrics gathering. As it requires filling up of work break down in an additional system on top of the two different time sheets that are been filled out.
10:05 am got out of work. was planning on stopping by at home on the way. But traffic did not seem to be in my favor. Just managed to reach the Residence inn of marriot by 10:25am
lunch of pasta @12noon.
4:pm out of the workshop, helped a guy start up his car as his battery was down. Then drove to Ajays apt to help start his car and drive to the mechanic as his battery was acting up as well.
Was thinking of sending an mail to malini and as soon as I logged on there was a mail from her asking about going to salsa tomorrow. Wow that is a very strange connection. She sent the msg from Arizona, guess she went hiking to the canyon with her parents.
Then got a txt msg from tara about wanting to go out if she does not get a flight to denv tomorrow.
Wow that is a nice change.
I am now in such a stage after facing all the rude behavior and been taken for granted and with my pride and self esteem so beaten up. That even the slightest gesture of kindness, even as much as a smile from a pretty girl is making me think that they are the best.
-----------------
Had gone to sleep early, rather was been lazy, did not go for the planned run nor work out.
Wanted to get up early, thou I woke up at 5am a practice which took some time to develope, did not get out of bed till 5:45. So then had to skip the brief yoga and kick boxing work out that I had planned for 5:45 to 6:15am.
Just ended up rushing thru the actions and made it out by 6:45am to beat the train gates and into work by 6:55am.
The first in at the conf. kris and the indian team made it in intervals of 5 mins after 7:10am. Talked to kirs about the issue with mat and his british attitude of probably looking down on us dark skinned. And hence his taking liberty of raising his voice when I am trying to understand the limitations of setting up the Dev envi.
Not one of the best teams to work with if he is going to get too protective about his island.
Anyways, sent out a mail to georg s about needing more help. Atleast he included me in the mail chain that mat did not.
Change and scared of change is a common human thread. People react in different ways.
We now have the new process that seems to be coming on and not every one is open to the use of a new system for internal metrics gathering. As it requires filling up of work break down in an additional system on top of the two different time sheets that are been filled out.
10:05 am got out of work. was planning on stopping by at home on the way. But traffic did not seem to be in my favor. Just managed to reach the Residence inn of marriot by 10:25am
lunch of pasta @12noon.
4:pm out of the workshop, helped a guy start up his car as his battery was down. Then drove to Ajays apt to help start his car and drive to the mechanic as his battery was acting up as well.
Was thinking of sending an mail to malini and as soon as I logged on there was a mail from her asking about going to salsa tomorrow. Wow that is a very strange connection. She sent the msg from Arizona, guess she went hiking to the canyon with her parents.
Then got a txt msg from tara about wanting to go out if she does not get a flight to denv tomorrow.
Wow that is a nice change.
I am now in such a stage after facing all the rude behavior and been taken for granted and with my pride and self esteem so beaten up. That even the slightest gesture of kindness, even as much as a smile from a pretty girl is making me think that they are the best.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Jul 14th
Wednesday Jul 14th 2010
=======================
Time is 1:45am, not able to sleep, had coffee in the afternoon before going for the process orientation workshop in Delaware. Damm should have gone for a run.
Now my mind and heart are racing 100miles an hour.
All kinds of crazy thoughts. And really need to sleep if I am to wake up at 5am. thats about 3 hrs from now. grrrrr coffee.
Troubled sleep, guess I must have gone to sleep around 4, woke up at 5 and then went to sleep again to wake up at 6.
Made it to work by 7 only to find that the conf call with India was not going to happen.
Got to move the workshop that was supposed to happen today at Delware to closer to work on Thursday. So back to work on Wed.
need to start documenting and streamlining the work.
Got txt msg from Tara about salsa. which is practically non existent in my life with all the training workshops. Sent her a mail telling her about it.
4:30 training, last two classes I guess. Tomorrow is the precise workshop at the hotel from 10 to 3.
Its been raining on a off on a summer day. strange climate.
=======================
Time is 1:45am, not able to sleep, had coffee in the afternoon before going for the process orientation workshop in Delaware. Damm should have gone for a run.
Now my mind and heart are racing 100miles an hour.
All kinds of crazy thoughts. And really need to sleep if I am to wake up at 5am. thats about 3 hrs from now. grrrrr coffee.
Troubled sleep, guess I must have gone to sleep around 4, woke up at 5 and then went to sleep again to wake up at 6.
Made it to work by 7 only to find that the conf call with India was not going to happen.
Got to move the workshop that was supposed to happen today at Delware to closer to work on Thursday. So back to work on Wed.
need to start documenting and streamlining the work.
Got txt msg from Tara about salsa. which is practically non existent in my life with all the training workshops. Sent her a mail telling her about it.
4:30 training, last two classes I guess. Tomorrow is the precise workshop at the hotel from 10 to 3.
Its been raining on a off on a summer day. strange climate.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Jul 13th tue, Afternoon to Delaware
Tuesday, 13th Jul
-----------------
Nothing major seems to have happened as forecast in the astrological solar eclipse. I am still the same guy, single, not looking really. But with half an eye open.
Was thinking about the comment I got from someone,
I have also learnt a lot from you.
Was it real and sincere,
was it mocking and sarcastic
Well I can say, that if that person learnt from me what I wanted them to learn then they learnt something. And will be happy for them.
But if they just experienced something, and did not think much, did not do any logical reasoning, analytical reasoning, or has poor powers of observation, or choose to ignore the obvious hints and then choose to ignore the bigger picture that I was trying to convey. Then it is not learning.
Rather would classify it as experience they can remember but ignoring any positive content. Which means they did not really learn now.
But if they are fortunate or smart enough with better or improved powers of observation, and analytical thinking. Then maybe they will learn in the future.
Made it out of home by 6:45am and to work by 7am.
again 1st to be in the conf. call. There did not seem to be much to talk about and the call ended by 7:25am
8am called up home and again was bombraded by dad trying to brain wash me into coming to kerala and getting married. Again and again the same old dialouges and emotional black mail.
After that I called up Eva and talked to her for sometime, she seems to have reached Haridwar today morning, had some food at the Shanti ashram in the morning and having upset stomach.
She found dharmashala, kulu, manali as too touristy.
At the ashram they got blessed by someone who thought that they came in there to find themselves and so that guy blessed them with more power and other things :)
-----------------
Nothing major seems to have happened as forecast in the astrological solar eclipse. I am still the same guy, single, not looking really. But with half an eye open.
Was thinking about the comment I got from someone,
I have also learnt a lot from you.
Was it real and sincere,
was it mocking and sarcastic
Well I can say, that if that person learnt from me what I wanted them to learn then they learnt something. And will be happy for them.
But if they just experienced something, and did not think much, did not do any logical reasoning, analytical reasoning, or has poor powers of observation, or choose to ignore the obvious hints and then choose to ignore the bigger picture that I was trying to convey. Then it is not learning.
Rather would classify it as experience they can remember but ignoring any positive content. Which means they did not really learn now.
But if they are fortunate or smart enough with better or improved powers of observation, and analytical thinking. Then maybe they will learn in the future.
Made it out of home by 6:45am and to work by 7am.
again 1st to be in the conf. call. There did not seem to be much to talk about and the call ended by 7:25am
8am called up home and again was bombraded by dad trying to brain wash me into coming to kerala and getting married. Again and again the same old dialouges and emotional black mail.
After that I called up Eva and talked to her for sometime, she seems to have reached Haridwar today morning, had some food at the Shanti ashram in the morning and having upset stomach.
She found dharmashala, kulu, manali as too touristy.
At the ashram they got blessed by someone who thought that they came in there to find themselves and so that guy blessed them with more power and other things :)
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